生儿和育女的差别
来源:羊城晚报 第B02版:博闻周刊·羊城沧桑;连载 作者:六六 2014年05月31日
六六的这本最新随笔集收录了她近四年来对为人处世各种话题的精华灼见和“微言小义”。六六以女儿、闺蜜、女友和无冕公知等不同身份多角度记录了她四年来的成长与心路历程,在讲述与其父母、男友秀才、中欧商学院的同学、编剧徒弟等人的点滴相处中尽绽豁达情怀与魅力。
朋友说我对儿子太狠了,她做不到像我这样狠。我说:“没关系的,只要我能承受孩子就肯定能承受,不是大事。”友问:“你如何做到?”我说:“从他降生那天起,我就在为他离开我独立生活做准备,我能给他的最大礼物不是生活照顾而是心理照顾。所有挫折、压力、不公平在我监管下被他遭遇都是福气,因为我会告诉他化解方法。”
有次朋友带偶得去玩乐高,见偶得喜欢想送他一套,被娃坚拒。他说妈不允许他拿别人的礼物。友问我:“为什么?”我说:“我在国内朋友很多,常带偶得一起聚会,他若想要啥不必问我要,叔叔阿姨多贵都会买给他。但我们有钱不代表他就配拥有这些。他每年有定额,且需要通过努力才能得到自己想要的东西。否则他就不必奋斗了。我不养富二代。”
曾有一朋友问我:如何跟孩子解释“美妙的歌声从远处传来”和“从远处传来美妙的歌声”的对错,以保证孩子以后不再犯同样的错误。我答:“我看不出这两句话有任何区别。若我儿子这样被判错,我一般回答不必理会,两句都对。”语言统一化格式化,哪还有鲁迅那样的“一棵是枣树,另一棵也是枣树”呢?
另一朋友的女儿上高三了,学校一男生自进校起必全校第一,文理双全,报志向时老师劝他从理,可选专业与名校无数。男孩拒绝,坚决从文。男孩说,学校已经有过全省理科状元了,还差个文科状元,我把它补齐。老师不再劝。这句话一直在我脑海盘旋,得怎样优秀的孩子才有这样的信心。孩子还早恋着,啥都不耽误。
一个当妈的闺密,说起自己青春期大姑娘的爱情故事,每天情绪像过山车一样,茶不思饭不想,跟妈妈哭诉,喋喋不休。妈妈又心疼又生气,因为那个状态根本抓不住她爱的男孩子。她问我该怎么劝,我答:由她。青春不爱一场,很浪费。到了我这个年纪,想爱谁,都爱不起来了。幸好,我的少女时代,没什么可遗憾的。甚至包括为爱自杀。现在,你跟我谈分手,我只难受两天。爱已不怕离别。
朋友问我忠孝不能两全之事,或者说孝与自由不得妥协。我的观点是:子女活得高兴无忧无虑是父母的心愿。不能以爱的名义强迫孩子为父母而生活,这样不是孩子不孝,而是父母违背了爱的原则。孩子要大胆追求自己的理想生活!赡养照顾老年人最终应回归社会福利的一部分。孩子迟早要下海闯荡。作为父母越早认清楚这一点就越爱孩子。你如果把孩子从小时就包裹起来,告诉他海很危险,不要靠近,突然有一天他被推进海里,不淹死也要呛水。父母能够给予孩子的就是自己下海游泳的经验,在他下海以前已经帮助他练就一身游泳的硬功。在你的看护下学会游泳比眼见他溺死强。
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