承让的得到
来源:《联合早报》【四合院】 作者:六六 2012年06月11日
人的快乐有很多种,得到是快乐,看到他人得到亦是快乐,学会为他人鼓掌,有承让的涵养还是快乐。
今天是偶得学校的开放日,家长可观摩和参加孩子的教学娱乐活动。
午餐时分,老师好心地把卤鸡腿的汤汁分与小朋友们,不过僧多汁少,面对一只只举起的小手,老师着实有点招架不住。我轻声耳语偶得:
“汤看起来不够分了,我们不要与其他小朋友争,有就有,无就无,让其他小朋友先吃。不然咱们得到了,旁人没有,我们会心里内疚。”
偶得小朋友非常懂事地放下了手。所幸老师技高一筹,硬是从鸡腿上刮出汤汁来人手一份。
我把这个故事贴到微博上与众分享,发现下面跟帖者,大多担心这样的教育会让孩子失去竞争性,压抑孩子的快乐。
其实,人的快乐有很多种,得到是快乐,看到他人得到亦是快乐,学会为他人鼓掌,有承让的涵养还是快乐。我自己个性让我知道,我若有旁人无,我会很愧疚,而这种愧疚并不会让我的得到显得骄傲,却越发想掩藏,我愿意把这种心得与偶得分享。
谦让和礼貌是后天的文明,与动物本性关系不大,却是人之所以为人优于动物的标志。曾经看过一部电影,印象深刻,名字叫《盲流感》。说的是一种流行病类似于SARS,在美国蔓延,突发事件下人的本性大暴露。你会看到刻薄凶残侵占和暴力,你亦会看到忍耐正义谦让和包容。一部电影里,美与丑,善与恶,好与坏,泾渭分明。我特别喜欢里面男主人公的一个镜头,当他在饥饿几天以后拿到食物的那一刻,他不是狼吞虎咽,而是很羞涩地分给伙伴,自己拿着非常小的一块儿躲在角落优雅咀嚼。我想,这就是教养的力量。谦谦君子总有人爱。
我这几十年走来,竞争性很差,凡是与竞争有关的项目基本都落败,一路吃亏上来却赢得很多金子一般的友谊和合作伙伴,因为肯吃亏所以有选择。大家都愿意和厚道人打交道以省却勾心斗角的麻烦。忠诚和简单走得会稳健。而且竞争性差的人总会找到竞合的办法,从独赢到双赢。
两周前,在中欧的课堂上商演,各个小组之间打价格战,彼此算计对方虚实以探。我代表我们组跟竞争对手协商不打低价竞争策略,走双赢路线,与对方击掌订盟,对方也与我们信誓旦旦。
回到小组后,我们老老实实按盟订价格填写了商品价格,曾有一刻,有组员提出对方会不会耍诈使坏陷我们于不利?大多数组员都一笑说:“双赢是最好的局面,即便是输,也不当真,代价不过是唱一首歌而已。”待教授公布答案,我组完败。竞争对手违背誓言黑了我们一把,于是我们小组名列全班最后一名。
看起来我们是失败了,失败后面的故事很有意思。
竞争对手所在的小组组员见了我们以后特别不好意思,不停地请我们吃饭,与我们交谈,并在赢得商战大奖的时刻发表如下获奖感言:
“我们虽然赢了,可我们感到非常内疚,我们没有想到我们的竞争对手如此诚信,我们希望能够代替他们演唱失败者之歌,因为在成绩上我们虽然胜出了,在心理上,我们失败了。”
我们组因而获得了非常良好的信誉,大家在首轮竞争商演中就发现由我组队的团队的特点:坦诚忠实无虚言,也不把胜负看得重于情谊。在未来两年半的价格战里,我们组已经建立起非常好的信誉口碑,而这个口碑,将是我们获得机遇与合作伙伴最有利的筹码。
一座城池而已,失之,得到的将是未来广阔的地盘。
一勺卤汁而已,失之,得到的将是朋友间无尽的关爱。
(作者为作家、《蜗居》编剧,来自中国安徽,1999年来新)
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