与劳工的教育之辩
灣區華人 Posted: 04-20-2006
今天婆婆在家说个事情,引发了我与劳工对陈偶得的教育之辩。
婆婆说,附近住的两家中国人,孩子一般大,都刚进小学。一个男孩成绩很好,在学校里经常戴金帽子(类似于中国以前的小红花),而另一个同班同学女孩子成绩就一般,家长很着急,每天花大力气辅导。
我不以为然,评论了一句:得金帽子究竟是孩子的骄傲还是大人的面子?为了大人面上有光,出去炫耀自己孩子有多么聪明,而强压孩子做自己不擅长的事情,这人道吗?
劳工不高兴了,说:这怎么能仅仅说是大人的面子问题呢?孩子成绩好事关前途。从小底子打得牢,以后就在竞争中容易处于优势,不会面临一次次失败,被淘汰的打击。因此孩子成绩好是很重要的。
我很不厚道,坏笑着说,想当年,你成绩比我好多了,又是重点中学的尖子,又是重点大学的招牌系毕业,而我,从附属幼儿园混到附属小学混到附属中学混到附属大学(我只能称我的大学为附属大学,因为当年若不是父母在里头,估计想混进去很有难度),多少年混下来,实践证明,我比你强多啦,哈哈!人以成绩论英雄是相当错误的看法。
婆婆和劳工群起而攻之,认为我这种观点未来就象我爹对我家俩孩子的教育一样,最终都没考上大学。陈偶得若落到我的手里,基本上就是废了。
我不能再争辩下去了,再争下去,要变成两个家庭孰优孰劣,谁家基因更占上风的歧路。
我以为,对孩子的教育最为重要的是
健全的人格,与人或环境相处和谐,善于发现问题解决问题,执着而不偏执,有健康的爱好。这些都比学习成绩好坏重要得多。
健全的人格包括:善良,努力,开朗,大度和拥有爱的能力以及爱的技巧。
一个孩子成绩再好,跟同学老师相处不好,为一分两分斤斤计较,每天成为学习的奴隶有什么好?我知道劳工会反驳我说,成绩好不代表其他方面不好。这就是我要表达的意思,我认为其他方面好比成绩好要重要的多。
成绩好这个东西是没止境的。以前我小时候,每门客85以上就是好成绩了,现在的孩子呢?都竞争到99和99。5的区别,最好门门都满分,次次拿第一。这正常吗?试问你一个成年人,能保证自己每次工作都100%令领导满意吗?你成年人做不到的事情,为什么要求孩子这么严格?
还有,第一名全班只有一个,全年级只有一个,全校只有一个,全国只有一个。你究竟要做到哪一个?人都是这样,对欲望的追求是无止境的,好了不行,好了以后得好上加好。到最后,这就成了负担了。
我有时候觉得应试教育是对孩子的一种摧残。以前平均分85就可以上重点,最近几年水涨船高,上重点的孩子考分越来越接近满分。我想这种心理承受的极限,无论是老师还是家长或是孩子,都无法接受吧?
不进重点的孩子就不是好孩子了吗?不进重点大学的孩子就没出息了吗?我看不见得,这种出息的定义太狭隘。不是说白领就是成功,蓝领就是失败吧?关键你得让孩子对生活充满乐趣,有活着是一件美好的事情这种想法,而不是越活越觉得悲观。
所以,我的想法就是,给孩子指导而不是指令,与孩子商量未来的发展而不是限定。他爱音乐我才让他学,不会因为让他在大众面前表演或是别人都学我就让他学。
哪怕他成绩不好,我也相信他是个好孩子,只要他努力了,快乐着,健康,有信心就行了。
至于老师的小金帽,不戴也没关系,妈妈小时候就没拿几朵红花,还不是过得很好?
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