要好多年的积淀,我才学会安静
Posted: 05-07-2007
然后他开始跟我解释昨天晚上的事情。
老公的一位好朋友最近发达了,发达以后不忘旧情,想邀老公一起创业。他先跟我商量的,被我非常不热情地婉拒。我想,他原以为,以他现在的事业规模加上扶持我们共同进步的热忱,我该感激涕零才对。我说:“你问他吧!不过我觉得他不会答应的。因为他不适合。”
我的老公,我自己知道,在跟他混了18年以后,并且有了一个孩子。也许他的父母对他的了解都没我这么多。他不是个适合商场的人。当然也许他有这种潜质,但要以牺牲许多他已经得到的幸福做代价,比如我。而我想,这世界,他最不舍得的人是我。
我于是跟他的同学说,你问问他吧。
过后和老公聊到这个话题,老公说,我不去。因为不喜欢。我说,你自己拿主意吧!
前天,他的好朋友MSN上告诉我要请他去喝酒。昨天他给我电话,说晚上不陪我了。我说好。内心里,我不太想他去。我觉得,人的一生,每一分每一秒都该浪费在自己喜欢的事情上,对自己不喜欢的事情,尽量少做。我以前讨厌他打游戏,抽烟。可昨天晚上,我内心里觉得,如果这两件事情是他喜欢的,尽管不好,我也能接受。我不要我爱的人做违背他心的事情,坐在酒桌边痛苦。
到晚上11点半,我给他去电话,他说,我在KTV。我说,你明天要上班呢?他说我知道,可我没办法在大家兴致正浓时说走。我淡淡嘱咐一句:“注意身体。回家给我打电话。”
然后我在电脑前坐到夜里四点半,他都没回来。
我很想给他再去个电话,问问他到哪了。可我决定保持安静。我不想自己变成一个非常小气的老婆,追在丈夫的身后让他被人嘲笑。我早在几年前其实就打定主意,把自己的老公当偷情的产物,这样即使躺在自家的床上,也有赚到的喜悦,并对待他像珍宝。人有时候关系紧张恶劣,很大一部分原因是希望拥有,打着爱的名义。既然爱他,我又不希望失去他,我就当他是别人的,我拿来暂时用一用。
这一夜我过得好辛苦。
你想把自己当成放荡的女人或是对丈夫漠不关心的女人,把他当成人家的,但内心里你还是舍不得,害怕失去,怕他在回来的路上发生了车祸。
我并不担心他出去喝酒,也不在意他和谁在一起,这些都不是我介意的。我介意的是与他分离,就好像在多年前的夜里,他决然地转身,跟我说,走了,不再回来了。我怕他突然有一天,甚至连再见都没有,就不见了。
忍到五点半,我终于开始疯狂拨打他电话,手机,家庭电话轮番。
没人接。
我都等不下去了,每一分钟都很漫长。
终于,电话的那一头他睡得朦胧的声音。我说:“你已经回来了?”他说,是的,刚回来不久,喝多了,累了,就睡了。我说,睡吧,晚安。然后挂了电话。
我又失眠。在想自己成长的路,从以前发狂一样满大街寻找,挨着店面去把打游戏的他找回来,每个游戏店的老板都认识我,两人当街追打,我的眼泪像流星在飞,我像喋喋不休的妇女一样给他挂个BB机,随时找到他,并在他玩性正浓的时候与他争吵,在他愤怒中挂了我的电话,让我哭到天亮,并等他回家以后发作给他看,以头撞墙,到今天的安静。
我走了18年,才学会不把忧伤当愤怒发泄。
我的不安,在黎明中独自散开。知道他平安,就好。
“要好多年的积淀,我才学会安静”上的91条回复
antihistamine generic names zyrtec canada over the counter best generic allegra
strong sleeping pills boots can online doctor prescribe ambien
prednisone usa buy prednisone 40mg generic
best antacid over the counter glucophage 1000mg over the counter
prescription medication for severe acne dapsone buy online best cure for teenage acne
walgreen generic allergy pills allegra 120mg uk exact allergy pills
pain reliever easiest on stomach cost quinapril
accutane us absorica online buy accutane generic
prescription drug for sleep meloset over the counter
buy sleeping meds online phenergan 25mg us
buy neurontin no prescription buy gabapentin without a prescription
where can i buy azithromycin buy azipro generic buy azithromycin 500mg online
order lasix generic buy lasix 100mg sale
ventolin ca buy albuterol ventolin 4mg tablet
augmentin without prescription buy generic amoxiclav
synthroid 100mcg oral levothyroxine sale order synthroid 150mcg generic
order clomiphene 100mg generic clomiphene 100mg without prescription order generic clomiphene 50mg
tizanidine brand where to buy tizanidine without a prescription tizanidine pill
order rybelsus generic buy rybelsus cheap semaglutide online
buy deltasone 40mg pill prednisone 5mg for sale order prednisone 40mg pills
purchase isotretinoin generic accutane 10mg ca order isotretinoin 40mg
albuterol 4mg without prescription albuterol inhalator sale order ventolin pills
buy amoxil without a prescription amoxicillin order amoxicillin 250mg brand
buy augmentin 375mg pills buy augmentin 625mg pills generic clavulanate
purchase azithromycin without prescription buy azithromycin 500mg without prescription order zithromax 500mg generic
synthroid 150mcg tablet purchase levothroid without prescription where can i buy synthroid
buy generic omnacortil online order generic prednisolone 5mg buy omnacortil 20mg without prescription
buy clomid 100mg sale buy clomiphene 100mg clomiphene order
order neurontin generic gabapentin where to buy buy neurontin no prescription
sildenafil overnight buy viagra 100mg generic purchase sildenafil pills
buy lasix for sale lasix 40mg generic order lasix 40mg sale
order generic rybelsus 14 mg semaglutide 14 mg usa rybelsus 14mg uk
order acticlate generic doxycycline 100mg for sale cheap monodox
hard rock casino online jackpot party casino blackjack online real money
oral lyrica 75mg order pregabalin sale order lyrica 150mg pills
buy generic triamcinolone online purchase triamcinolone sale triamcinolone 10mg ca
generic desloratadine buy desloratadine pills for sale buy generic desloratadine online
dapoxetine 90mg price how to get misoprostol without a prescription cytotec 200mcg usa
buy xenical 120mg pills cheap diltiazem 180mg diltiazem 180mg sale
oral zovirax zyloprim us buy allopurinol 300mg generic
buy zestril 2.5mg without prescription zestril where to buy lisinopril 5mg pill
order rosuvastatin 10mg for sale order ezetimibe 10mg pill zetia brand
order domperidone generic oral tetracycline 250mg sumycin 250mg cost
lopressor over the counter lopressor online metoprolol for sale online
how to buy ketorolac toradol for sale colchicine 0.5mg tablet
assignment writing services research paper assistance my future essay writing
purchase inderal without prescription order generic clopidogrel 150mg brand plavix 150mg
generic methotrexate 5mg buy methotrexate pills cost medex
metoclopramide without prescription buy cozaar 50mg buy cozaar medication
buy tamsulosin 0.2mg pills buy celecoxib 200mg generic buy celecoxib 100mg
buy nexium generic esomeprazole 20mg tablet how to buy topiramate
order imitrex for sale levaquin where to buy buy levofloxacin sale
dutasteride pills how to get avodart without a prescription purchase ranitidine for sale
order ampicillin without prescription buy amoxil tablets buy amoxil pills for sale
proscar pills propecia online order diflucan generic
order cipro sale – buy cipro 500mg without prescription purchase amoxiclav pills
ciprofloxacin 500mg without prescription – pill ethambutol 1000mg order generic amoxiclav
buy ciplox no prescription – buy amoxicillin 500mg generic
purchase erythromycin
order metronidazole 200mg pill – buy cleocin 150mg sale zithromax pills
buy stromectol uk – cheap co-amoxiclav generic buy generic sumycin over the counter
ivermectin without a doctor prescription – amoxiclav order purchase sumycin pill
buy valacyclovir 1000mg pill – starlix online buy order acyclovir 800mg pills
buy ampicillin online cheap acticlate medication amoxicillin cheap
furosemide 100mg for sale – order atacand 8mg online order captopril 25 mg generic
buy generic metformin 500mg – epivir drug lincocin 500mg generic
oral zidovudine – irbesartan 150mg us buy generic allopurinol
quetiapine price – buy bupropion generic eskalith generic
order anafranil sale – where can i buy tofranil order generic sinequan
hydroxyzine us – fluoxetine 20mg price endep 25mg price
order amoxiclav online cheap – bactrim 480mg cheap purchase cipro generic
amoxicillin ca – buy cheap keflex ciprofloxacin 500mg drug
buy zithromax no prescription – buy floxin 200mg generic ciprofloxacin 500 mg brand
cost cleocin 300mg – chloromycetin online buy chloramphenicol tablet
ivermectin online – doryx uk purchase cefaclor online
purchase albuterol online – buy promethazine theo-24 Cr 400mg without prescription
how to get depo-medrol without a prescription – cetirizine order astelin 10 ml over the counter
order clarinex generic – buy triamcinolone 4mg buy albuterol
cost glycomet – order januvia online order acarbose 25mg for sale
buy generic glyburide online – brand pioglitazone 30mg purchase forxiga pills
buy prandin sale – order prandin 2mg generic order generic empagliflozin 10mg
order rybelsus 14 mg – order DDAVP online cheap generic DDAVP
purchase terbinafine for sale – brand fulvicin grifulvin v for sale online
ketoconazole 200 mg for sale – order mentax online itraconazole tablet
lanoxin online – order dipyridamole 100mg online cheap lasix usa
order metoprolol online – telmisartan sale purchase nifedipine pills
microzide 25mg pills – buy microzide tablets zebeta price
buy cheap nitroglycerin – nitroglycerin buy diovan 160mg generic
simvastatin patch – lopid tense lipitor familiar
crestor amid – zetia buy physical caduet gaunt
viagra professional online thought – buy viagra professional none levitra oral jelly satisfaction
dapoxetine earth – cialis with dapoxetine solemn cialis with dapoxetine low