什么样的女子会有好归宿
来源:现在读书> 读书频道 > 女性 作者:六六 2013年09月
这篇文章是我应卡拉的邀请写的。
他那天跟我说,你要批一下现在的相亲节目,太浅薄了,太颠覆美好了,让人看到这些女孩子感到恶心。如果她们都成为现在社会女人的代表,那未来一大半男人大约都会选择独身。
我跟他说,我不会去批判这些女孩,我只会教我儿子选择什么样的伴侣。每个人有每个人的生活方式,一个被一群大人像公主一样呵护大的女孩子,因我一篇文章就从良了吗?不可能。而且我也不相信这样的女孩子会是社会的主流,因为去这些节目的女子,都单身找不到对象啊!那些好姑娘,不等出门,都被抢婚了啊!没毛病的,品性好的,我们在电视上看不见啊!
卡拉大笑。
什么样的女孩才值得拥有幸福?我想,女子要传统,这标准在中外都不会错。
所谓的传统就是女主内,相夫教子,夫妻相互扶持,艰难的时候互为依靠。
我不是说女不可以主外,但如果你能主外,也不要忘记自己主内的责任。一个家里,没有女性的拾掇、照顾、温存话语,实在不像个家庭。结婚前无论你多么娇滴滴受人宠爱,结婚第二天起就要绾发下厨,备一副护袖手套。你可以不做,但你不可以不懂,不会。我这么解释你就明白:没有一个总裁是凭空降临的,除非你是富二代。一点实干经验都没有的空降总裁,他所管理的企业的命运就是倒闭。
家庭也一样,一个根本不理解家里有多少事,每样事怎么安排的女人,结果,她所操持的家庭一定是倒闭。
你当然可以以为婚姻是找个人照顾你一生,在你纯洁幼稚的时候。我只想反问一句:他又不是你亲生父母,凭啥要对你尽一生的义务?而且他如果这样有责任心,有能力,那就显然能照顾你,也能照顾别人。你非要把自己放在一个从属甚至宠物的地位做老婆吗?
你如果步入婚姻起点时的认知就错误了,那就注定了你要在错误的道路上行走。
你除了要学做老婆,还要学做母亲。老婆和丈夫之间,还是平等关系,母亲那就是孩子的脊梁和靠山了。你首先要行端影正,其次要循循善诱,再次要博览群书变成百科词典,最后还要力拔山兮气盖世,无论以前你有多么地被人疼,有了孩子以后,你就与伟大二字结缘了,要开始学习如何疼爱别人。
我诧异,有那么多去做节目的单身女性选择不要孩子。你的一生要扮演无数多的角色,女儿、媳妇、妻子、母亲、职场人士,以后的丈母娘或者婆婆、奶奶等。你难道不知,你一旦自己选择了舍弃母亲这个职称,基本上你人生的屋檐就少了一半了。你未来没机会成为婆婆,或者丈母娘、奶奶、外婆甚至兼而有之。你生活在一个只有一半屋檐的房间里,你会觉得透气,还是觉得不舒服?
人生除了开宝马的快乐,拿爱马仕提包的快乐,住豪宅的快乐,周游世界的快乐以外,还有许多不是金钱可以负担得起的快乐。 比方说鼓励失业的丈夫,给亲人筹钱看病,焦急地等待孩子升学考试的结果,被老师叫到学校听训,给其他家长赔礼道歉,处理老公出轨事件,给老人养老送终,偷看孩子的异性朋友,和亲家第一次会面,照顾大肚子的媳妇,含饴弄孙,等等。
钱花到一定限度,人会很空虚。天天坐宝马车里哭,不如换个地方哭。诸如在孩子得到著名大学录取通知书的时候,比方说在孩子的喜宴上,甚至,比方说,在深夜里独等丈夫回家。人都图个新鲜,老一个地方哭也会烦的。
(本文选自由长江文艺出版社出版的《女不强大天不容》)
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