姓
来源:《联合早报》【四合院】 作者:六六 2012年01月30日
我并不跟他们姓,但并不妨碍我爱他们甚于爱我自己,就好像新浪微博新开的功能:悄悄关注,不让他们知道……
今天收到Facebook一个通知,意思是某旅居海外的友人生日将到。看到友人的姓名心中莫名地一跳。友人将她的姓名改夫家姓了,虽然他俩都是中国人,用的是英文拼音。
这不符合中国人的婚姻习惯,中国人的婚姻现在是不改名换姓随夫家的,倒是很顺应现代婚姻的快餐,省了离婚结婚,再婚再离一通文件乱改。要知道古代是没有银行卡毕业证书护照和房产证的,也不许离婚,所以不知道婚后随夫姓有如许多的麻烦。我没有因为婚姻改名,只不过护照用了英文姓名,国内身份证用的是中文姓名,都害我股市里开的户不能提现,一直眼睁睁亏损到现在。
女人要是没有传统道德约束,不受胁迫,心甘情愿改头换面,得多爱那个男人啊!
可我,又是多么喜欢嫁鸡随鸡嫁狗随狗的死心塌地状态啊!
尤其是当人家问:您贵姓?
你可以非常谦逊地答:我夫家姓陈,娘家姓唐,所以我叫陈唐氏……于是,所有人都知道你有主了。每个人都知道范徐丽泰陈方安生是已婚女人,可你能一眼看出蔡英文和吕秀莲的婚姻状况吗?
我觉得,婚后改姓是最值得立法的一件事情。它有点像新加坡的经济杠杆制裁抽烟,我不鼓励你抽烟,但我限制的方法是恶性征税,让你知难而退。你一旦在酒后壮胆,荷尔蒙乱喷之际,冒着法律的改名威胁依旧领了证,就从此被套牢了。
你首先要回原籍改身份证护照,然后改毕业证,各种资格证,银行保险税务证券房产邮电通信甚至email信箱,等你一通忙完以后,你立刻下了永不离异之心。离婚时分割财产的肉痛只是一小部分,大部分的痛苦来自再把上述历程跑一遍,不同的是,第一次跑的时候是向他人宣告你人生的得意,这一次跑的时候是通知各路人马你人生的失意。
若你依旧有再婚的心,恭喜你,你将是世界上为数不多的有勇气有毅力有决心的人。你既然如此勇敢,为什么不把这种精神应用到自然科学的进步中去呢?重新把数学史从毕达哥拉斯定律和pie开始推导一遍,都比这个简单。
一网友的丈夫就是一个有毅力的人。作为一个德国男人,他娶了一个中国女人。他坚守德国传统,要求妻子改姓,他的原话是:“一家人是最亲的了,竟然不是同一个family name,我无法忍受。”
网友戏谑他:“法律没有规定我一定要随你姓啊!你要这么在意一家人的概念,你改了跟我姓好了。”于是丈夫就真的随妻姓了,跑回自己的国家将所有证件干净彻底变更,现在是顶着白人脸的徐博士。
我没有改跟爱人姓。上天大约是故意安排另一种方式助我成长。一边是那个闯进我生活的男人,一边是我亲妈,两人像商量好的一样,哪天不气我一气顶我一顶就觉得今天日子白过了。
我无论有多生气,转脸就会忘记,永远原谅他们,还忍不住爱他们。
我并不跟他们姓,但并不妨碍我爱他们甚于爱我自己,就好像新浪微博新开的功能:悄悄关注,不让他们知道。我外在为省却解释的麻烦没跟你们姓,内心里已经芳心暗许你们了。
爱你们,却不大张旗鼓。
(作者为作家、《蜗居》编剧,来自中国安徽,1999年来新)
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