偶得日记四篇
2009年10月16日
你的儿子和我的孙子
我基本上可以根据爷爷的开头语判断偶得一天的表现。
如果爷爷开头是“你儿子今天。。。”不用说,我就知道表现不佳。
如果爷爷开头说“今天我孙子。。。”肯定是表现良好。
我昨天忍不住问爷爷:“我儿子不是你孙子吗?为什么干坏事的时候是我儿子,干好事的时候是你孙子?”爷爷嘿嘿一笑。
可见,人们总是把责任要推托出去,功劳要揽到怀里。
理解力
偶得以他自己的方式理解世界。
某天早上爷爷送偶得去学校,刚出门,车的链条断了,遂改BUS。下午我去接偶得,偶得跟我说:“爷爷接不了我了,因为面条断了。”我说,什么面条?偶得说,就是爷爷的车,面条啊!奶奶跟爷爷说,面条断了,不能骑了。
偶得对于他不懂的东西,总是先转化成他懂的东西去理解。
我们大人也一样。头两天我在看BBC的ATOM系列,讲的是原子的发现过程。因为是物理话题,比较难懂,我感兴趣的是里面的故事,爱因斯坦,薛定谔和海森堡等人的争论,其中有一个段子说的是薛定谔无法解释原子的波状运动。他是个翩翩贵族子弟,相貌好,家世好,风度好,女人缘极旺,与他周游的女人快高过他的年龄数目。他在度假胜地的时候给自己定下一个目标,这次旅行,要么取悦一个女人,要么解决一个物理难题。
结果在做床上运动的时候他突然感悟到,他要是猛烈些,女人的声音就高些,他要是轻柔些,女人的声音就低些,于是赤身裸体的时候恍然大悟,他当时的理解是,原子的运动,类似女人的叫声,不是常规波运动轨迹,确实花瓣状地高低起伏,进而给出了波的运动公式。
旁的我都不甚懂,这段是通俗易懂。
所以,以后解决什么复杂的问题的时候,请以简单的比喻作引子。
我于是对邓老的话有了新理解:科技是第一生产力。
性是第一生产关系。
生产关系推动生产力。
所以性推动科技进步。
爱
奶奶总是嫉妒地说,偶得是养不熟的白眼狼。对他再好,娘一来,谁都不要了。
偶得通常不得罪人,但在大是大非问题上是一点不含糊的。任何时候只要问他,你最爱谁,答案肯定是妈妈。
奶奶就问我,你有什么秘诀,让他这样死心塌地,你一来,他谁都不要了。
我笑说,无他,就是爱。
奶奶也爱,爱他的身体;我也爱,我爱他的心。
偶得跟我藏猫猫,说他会隐身,然后拉开床单把自己藏在床单下,我笑眯眯地乱翻,问,偶得去哪了啊,隐身以后我就看不见你了!
偶得很高兴地钻出个头,让我告诉奶奶来找他。
奶奶一进门,吧唧一巴掌隔着被单打偶得的头,说,你看你,把床弄得这样乱!赶快出来!
偶得不知所措,委屈地钻出来,到一边生气。
我赶紧抱抱偶得,跟他说,你跟奶奶说,没关系的,等我玩玩了,妈妈和我一起收拾干净。
偶得眼泪都要掉下来了,他搞不懂为什么妈妈觉得高兴的事,奶奶生气。
我把偶得打发出去玩,跟奶奶说,小孩想点子玩是好事,说明他在思考,在动脑筋,不会玩的小孩是很难发散思维的。孩子乖,呆着不动并不好,小时候看着好带,其实思维就被固定住了,他被限制着这不许那不许,索性就不思考不去解决问题,什么事都找大人帮忙,他的脑子就废了。偶得会玩是好事,你要鼓励他。
奶奶的表情,也不知道是同意还是反对。
这也是我决定迅速让保姆回归的原因,有了保姆的帮忙,奶奶不那么累于家务,也许就同意偶得在家乱来了。
我对小孩作乱,向来是鼓励的。
我不介意家里乱七八糟,但我介意我的小孩是否享受这种快乐。
乱可以随时整理,而快乐不那么容易捕捉。
特长
偶得现在就开始跟我谈心了。
他内心的不满和困惑,会告诉我,我会给他一个鼓励,一个追寻答案的方法。
我一般不直接告诉他答案,感觉这样破解谜题太简单。而好的老师,是不会损伤孩子的自信的。一个孩子在信心满满的前提下,才能够更有创造力和爆发力。
我跟爷爷说了我的决定:我希望暂停对偶得的数学教育,他不会就不会,到时候自然就会了,水到渠成。他现在才四岁,你就因为他不会二十以内的加减而发愁,老是当他的面说,偶得数学真的很差,比他爸爸差远了!以至于偶得一看到题板上的数字,就自己主动说,我不会,我数学不好嘛!
可你忘记了,偶得的语文很好,比他爸爸强多了。我们为什么总犯同样的错误,拿别人的强项比自己孩子的弱项。中国人擅长鞭策,鞭策的意思其实也是一种鼓励。但鼓也好,鞭也好,在中国的词汇中,都是打出来的,有一种FORCE在里面。我希望我的小孩在和风细雨,阳光灿烂中长大,永远听到的是赞美的话语。我要大张旗鼓地表扬他,温柔委婉地批评他,让他相信自己只要努力,没什么不行的,即使努力过,不行,也没关系,毕竟我们又不是超人,样样大拿,努力过,试过,知道这样不行,就可以开始新的尝试了,总有行的时候。
我要的,就是将孩子的优势,发挥到极致。
你有了极致的优势,其他的劣势,就不算什么了。
毕竟,人谋生也好,成功也好,只需要一个特长。
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