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请代我向王贵致敬

请代我向王贵致敬

2008年11月25日
　

我的发小坐在我餐桌前。

她是重伤现在都不打算下火线。

我都吃好半小时了，在上网，她还在那个盘子里捞鱼渣子。也不知道是掩饰她的不好意思，还是发自由衷地赞叹，她一面兢兢业业地捞，一面赞叹：“你爸烧的菜太好吃了！”

我是从小听这句话长大的。所以向来不认为这是对我爹的奉承。因为语言可以虚伪，肚子是不能欺骗的。你夸某主妇的菜烧得好吃，人家会高兴地往你盘子里布菜，你要是内心不喜欢，那就很惨，剩的一盘子菜无情揭露了你的谎言。

我认为我发小还不是最过分的。她还能边吃边腾出嘴来夸奖。当然前提条件是我给我爹催肥了三十多年，不那么馋了，很快就打住，没人跟她抢。通常要是一大桌人在一起吃饭，大家都是不说话的，先把菜扒拉到碗里，迟一会儿再去看就没了。等吃饱喝足了再开始夸。

我爹甚是可怜，从头到尾忙一桌子菜，好不容易上桌了，就剩一堆盘底给他。我妈还拿个漏勺在里面捞，说，还剩点葱花，葱花味道蛮好的，下次你多烧点。

其实跟烧多少量没关系。

我爹留给我四条鲳鱼，让我吃四天。结果那一顿就给我发小吃光了。她平时吃饭像绣花一样，到现在还保持着少女般单薄的身材。

现在我发小终于腆着肚子，自己一面拍一面捋一面顺，一面心满意足地讲：“请代我向王贵致敬！他烧的菜实在是太好吃了。”然后脱口而出一个饱嗝。她自己都不好意思了，捂着嘴说，吃得好饱！今天晚上不能消化了。

我说，没事，我天天这样。

她满怀同情加理解地说：“六六啊，我觉得吧，你长这么胖，真不能怪你。这跟基因没关系，这跟人的劣根性有关系，谁都不能有这么大的力量抗拒诱惑。你可以抵抗一次两次，时间久了肯定得投降。别说你，就是我，天天这么吃，也不会比你瘦的。”

理解万岁啊！

我爹经常嘲笑我。

他每次下午问我的时候，我都坚定地告诉他：不吃，我晚上饿着，你不要烧。

他说，我烧我的，我又不是烧给你吃。你要是不吃，就不要下楼。

然后 天将黑时，各种味道钻过门缝进我房间，我能辨别出其中有花椒，豆瓣酱，大料等佐料，再过一会儿，牛肉香出来了，我爹在楼下看似无心实是有意地大声说，今天的牛肉多漂亮啊，质量体系的，青岛黄牛，70多块就这么一点点，都是精华。

我就饿了。

我到楼下假装上厕所，其实楼上有厕所。但我趁空就到厨房钻一圈，手里捏几片牛肉尝尝，我爹问，好吃吧？我说，好吃。他说，你不是说晚上不吃饭吗？

我说，我不吃饭，我吃肉啊！

隔不几分钟我又进厨房捏两片。

牛肉上桌的时候，盒子里都缺了好大一片角。我娘还心疼地说：“怪不得人说牛肉缩水，真是的呢！本来就不大的一点，现在已出锅，又少一半！现在钱真不经花呀！”

我爹嘿嘿坏笑。

我娘警惕地看着他说：“王贵同志，你又边烧边尝了吧？”

王贵大呼冤枉。

我娘哼一声说：“撒一辈子谎，到老也不指望你改本性了。你偷尝都尝半辈子了，现在让你不偷吃也不可能。”

我跟没我什么事似的翩然上楼。

我娘喊：“快下来吃饭！再不下来，肉都给你爸爸吃完了！”

我大义凛然地说：“我说了，晚上不吃饭，都别叫我！”

我娘见谁都跟人解释，我家基因不好害了我，其实我每天都不怎么吃东西，还是胖，都是我爹害得。找男人还是要找基因好，不要遗传坏的因子害孩子。

上次上海帮聚会，王贵让我带了一锅红烧牛尾去凑菜。他一个人忙两天，临走的时候终于可以端上车了，好沉的一盆，我们都端不动。

到了饭桌上，一桌名媛淑女们都不要面子了，吃得欢畅。当然我们上海帮聚会向来都是首要任务照顾好自己，饭桌上大家都特别安静，因为多话的那个常常吃不饱。我第一次去没经验，还保持着多话的性子，结果一盆红烧肉转到我面前，就从里面掏了块豆腐。

那天牛尾锅我端回来的时候，王贵很吃惊！我跟他说我们5个女人，他按10个人的量做的，结果就回个空锅，刷得还挺干净。他以为我能剩点给他，因为烧一次牛尾根本就是功夫活儿，他打算自己凑着吃点儿。

我跟他说，别指望了，其实是剩了几块，被红眉给带回家了，说给儿子尝尝。你这么大一老头儿，跟人小孩争什么呀！要吃你自己做好了。

红眉短信随后就到：请代我向王贵表达敬意。我儿子说，牛尾太好吃了。

老王贵到老，其实一点精神鼓励就够了，吃不吃的，不打紧。

也没见他瘦。

所以我猜想我妈对他还是了解的，他也是饭桌上吃得不多，厨房里尝饱了。

其实那块牛肉，我还是觉得我没怎么吃，王贵还是偷吃了。

我娘一贯正确！她从没冤枉过王贵。

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