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请代我向王贵致敬

请代我向王贵致敬

2008年11月25日
 


我的发小坐在我餐桌前。

她是重伤现在都不打算下火线。

我都吃好半小时了,在上网,她还在那个盘子里捞鱼渣子。也不知道是掩饰她的不好意思,还是发自由衷地赞叹,她一面兢兢业业地捞,一面赞叹:“你爸烧的菜太好吃了!”

我是从小听这句话长大的。所以向来不认为这是对我爹的奉承。因为语言可以虚伪,肚子是不能欺骗的。你夸某主妇的菜烧得好吃,人家会高兴地往你盘子里布菜,你要是内心不喜欢,那就很惨,剩的一盘子菜无情揭露了你的谎言。

我认为我发小还不是最过分的。她还能边吃边腾出嘴来夸奖。当然前提条件是我给我爹催肥了三十多年,不那么馋了,很快就打住,没人跟她抢。通常要是一大桌人在一起吃饭,大家都是不说话的,先把菜扒拉到碗里,迟一会儿再去看就没了。等吃饱喝足了再开始夸。

我爹甚是可怜,从头到尾忙一桌子菜,好不容易上桌了,就剩一堆盘底给他。我妈还拿个漏勺在里面捞,说,还剩点葱花,葱花味道蛮好的,下次你多烧点。

其实跟烧多少量没关系。

我爹留给我四条鲳鱼,让我吃四天。结果那一顿就给我发小吃光了。她平时吃饭像绣花一样,到现在还保持着少女般单薄的身材。

现在我发小终于腆着肚子,自己一面拍一面捋一面顺,一面心满意足地讲:“请代我向王贵致敬!他烧的菜实在是太好吃了。”然后脱口而出一个饱嗝。她自己都不好意思了,捂着嘴说,吃得好饱!今天晚上不能消化了。

我说,没事,我天天这样。

她满怀同情加理解地说:“六六啊,我觉得吧,你长这么胖,真不能怪你。这跟基因没关系,这跟人的劣根性有关系,谁都不能有这么大的力量抗拒诱惑。你可以抵抗一次两次,时间久了肯定得投降。别说你,就是我,天天这么吃,也不会比你瘦的。”

理解万岁啊!

我爹经常嘲笑我。

他每次下午问我的时候,我都坚定地告诉他:不吃,我晚上饿着,你不要烧。

他说,我烧我的,我又不是烧给你吃。你要是不吃,就不要下楼。

然后 天将黑时,各种味道钻过门缝进我房间,我能辨别出其中有花椒,豆瓣酱,大料等佐料,再过一会儿,牛肉香出来了,我爹在楼下看似无心实是有意地大声说,今天的牛肉多漂亮啊,质量体系的,青岛黄牛,70多块就这么一点点,都是精华。

我就饿了。

我到楼下假装上厕所,其实楼上有厕所。但我趁空就到厨房钻一圈,手里捏几片牛肉尝尝,我爹问,好吃吧?我说,好吃。他说,你不是说晚上不吃饭吗?

我说,我不吃饭,我吃肉啊!

隔不几分钟我又进厨房捏两片。

牛肉上桌的时候,盒子里都缺了好大一片角。我娘还心疼地说:“怪不得人说牛肉缩水,真是的呢!本来就不大的一点,现在已出锅,又少一半!现在钱真不经花呀!”

我爹嘿嘿坏笑。

我娘警惕地看着他说:“王贵同志,你又边烧边尝了吧?”

王贵大呼冤枉。

我娘哼一声说:“撒一辈子谎,到老也不指望你改本性了。你偷尝都尝半辈子了,现在让你不偷吃也不可能。”

我跟没我什么事似的翩然上楼。

我娘喊:“快下来吃饭!再不下来,肉都给你爸爸吃完了!”

我大义凛然地说:“我说了,晚上不吃饭,都别叫我!”

我娘见谁都跟人解释,我家基因不好害了我,其实我每天都不怎么吃东西,还是胖,都是我爹害得。找男人还是要找基因好,不要遗传坏的因子害孩子。

上次上海帮聚会,王贵让我带了一锅红烧牛尾去凑菜。他一个人忙两天,临走的时候终于可以端上车了,好沉的一盆,我们都端不动。

到了饭桌上,一桌名媛淑女们都不要面子了,吃得欢畅。当然我们上海帮聚会向来都是首要任务照顾好自己,饭桌上大家都特别安静,因为多话的那个常常吃不饱。我第一次去没经验,还保持着多话的性子,结果一盆红烧肉转到我面前,就从里面掏了块豆腐。

那天牛尾锅我端回来的时候,王贵很吃惊!我跟他说我们5个女人,他按10个人的量做的,结果就回个空锅,刷得还挺干净。他以为我能剩点给他,因为烧一次牛尾根本就是功夫活儿,他打算自己凑着吃点儿。

我跟他说,别指望了,其实是剩了几块,被红眉给带回家了,说给儿子尝尝。你这么大一老头儿,跟人小孩争什么呀!要吃你自己做好了。

红眉短信随后就到:请代我向王贵表达敬意。我儿子说,牛尾太好吃了。

老王贵到老,其实一点精神鼓励就够了,吃不吃的,不打紧。

也没见他瘦。

所以我猜想我妈对他还是了解的,他也是饭桌上吃得不多,厨房里尝饱了。

其实那块牛肉,我还是觉得我没怎么吃,王贵还是偷吃了。

我娘一贯正确!她从没冤枉过王贵。

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Martin Wolf wrote in a recent Financial Times column, “Many ask whether high-income countries are at risk of a ‘double dip’ recession. My answer is: no, because the first one did not end.” By the second quarter of 2011, none of the six largest high-income economies had surpassed output levels reached before the crisis hit (see chart).

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In case you’re considering a vacation to the Mediterranean, you’ll certainly need this selection of travel guides. Beginning with hidden coastal villages including this guide’s recommendations, all the way to exciting outdoor pursuits ranging from exploring, there’s plenty to discover. And don’t forget festive events that enrich this region one-of-a-kind. If you’re interested in gastronomy, this guide is a must-read. Check out vacation advice regarding your Mediterranean adventure. Safe journeys!

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