母亲的选择
2006-08-23
这篇文章是我写于好几年前了。今天翻出来重炒有别的意思。最近热门的话题是关于李亚鹏与王菲孩子的唇裂问题,等大伙把我的这篇旧作看完,再听我的新意。
刚看了部记录片,心里很沉重。
如果你是一个母亲或父亲,被告知你们正在孕育的孩子有兔唇这样的疾病,你是选择让孩子生下来,还是选择流产?给自己下一个机会?
我和先生发生了激烈的争执。他非常明确地说,流掉。等下一个。
因为正准备着要孩子,这个问题突然就变得非常压迫地出现在我的眼前。我想,如果这孩子已经在肚里,已经大到可以看出是兔唇了,那么他一定已经让我感到他的存在了。我想了好久,我跟老公说,如果,如果医生说这孩子是兔唇,我要。
先生说,这不仅仅是兔唇的问题,一个生下来面部就有缺陷的孩子,他一生都会有负面影响,他永远面对心灵的伤害,自卑,痛苦,他不会跟别人有同样平等竞争的机会,你是选择让他痛苦一生,你痛苦一生,还是选择在他不知道的时候就放弃?
我想了想,很痛苦,又想了想,我说,如果,如果我真有了这样的孩子,我不放弃。
他只是面部的缺陷而已。他有健康的身体,他有聪明的大脑,他有爱他的父母,至少有爱他的母亲。他有与别的孩子一样的学习机会,他也许会面对比别的孩子多得多的困难,但,他是一条生命,他有生存的权利,他还没出生,你就判定他不幸福了,你如何知道他会不幸福?
母亲当然可以选择不要一个病孩,因为病孩从一出世起就意味着更多的经济负担和精神痛苦。但哪个母亲可以保证,即使你有一个健康的孩子,这个孩子以后就没病没灾?没有意外?假设,假设你的孩子在5岁上有了什么意外,你难道杀了他?还不是一样要治?一样要关爱?
先生说女人用小脑思考,没有理性。我想,也许他说的有道理。
亚洲人也许太过理性了。电视里说80%的亚洲孩子如果被发现先天有兔唇这样的疾病,大多会被父母选择引产。而在欧美,兔唇已经不再被视为是残疾。我想,这和宗教有一定关系,也和社会福利有一定关系,更与生活压力有关。我不去批判别人的选择,每个人都该对自己好一点,都有选择的权利。
我又想了想,很认真地跟先生说:“无论你给我什么孩子,我都要。如果你不要,我就一个人带大。”
他称我为感情冲动。就算吧。我已经大到,可以承受生命中许许多多的意外了。只要我笑着,我的孩子就会笑。
李王早在孩子四个月的时候,就知道孩子是唇裂,但还是毅然决然地要了孩子。这里我姑且不去评论李大侠。虽然我对李大侠一直抱有不错的好感,始终认为他从某种意义上来说,延续了王菲找男人的风格并将其发扬光大。
我认为,这个孩子的诞生,绝对是王菲的品牌代言。具有典型的王菲标志,勇敢且不惧旁言。知道什么是自己想要的。
我不会去指责一个舍弃唇裂孩子的母亲。因为这个母亲可能自己都无法掌握自己的命运,也许下岗,也许年轻,她身上所背负的东西,可能远远不止一个小有毛病的孩子。一个女人为人处世的方式,是由其能力及成熟度所决定的。到了王菲的年纪,有了足够的钱财,而生育的机会远不如发财的机会那么蓬勃,显然孩子要比经济负担来得珍贵。即便李大侠决定不要,她也不会放弃的。
母亲的状况决定了孩子的命运。
所以啊,我这篇文章想说的重点是,女同志们,我们得努力啊!孩子的未来,自己的未来都靠自己打拼。哪怕不为自己,就算为孩子,都得永不言败。
我最近危机感很重,总觉得身负重担并且打算一肩挑。主要是越来越觉得男人不可靠。
泛指泛指,不是特别点名垂青我家劳工。
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