好老婆的具体表现
2006-07-25
劳工喜欢我的很大一个原因,当然,也可能是休不掉我的很大一个障碍,是我在他父母双方的亲戚口中都享有很高的口碑。
我于是知道,一个女人,要想坐稳自己的江山,还是需要广泛赞誉作为桥梁,需要群众支持作为基础,需要坚如磐石的后备军团。偶怀疑,某日偶劳工若要有胆子提出跟偶离婚,大家一人一口吐沫,就把他后老婆给淹死了。我哈哈哈哈哈哈哈!
我总说劳工家的亲戚都特别好。劳工回一句:那是因为你好。你嘴甜,有礼貌,待人谦和,既有小辈的样儿又有长辈的样儿。
偶答他,你8要无事献殷勤,非奸即盗。我告诉你,你若领个小的回来,我也很有大老婆的样儿,能笑脸迎她进门,到最后她想吞金而死偶都叫她找不到金子。你说吧,你嘴抹黄油,到底存了啥心?
他一笑,说:同学约我出去喝酒,我在等候老婆的口谕。
我斜眼翻看他。
他马上说:“我真不想去。家里那么多事情没干。你眼睛坏了,都是我的过错,你需要休息,我要拖地,洗衣服,收拾家,擦灰,给你按摩推背揉脚。。。。。。。你想,我这么多的活儿,哪有空出去呀!我这就给他回电话,说我不去了。”
我眼珠转转,温柔一笑说:“你去。难得回国一趟,朋友多年未见,干吗不去?你若不去,人家一定认为是你老婆拦着你。于是恶名我背。我都英名一世了,何必糊涂一时?”
劳工连客气都不敢给一个,抓起包就走。
我还抓住门框要将虚假的贤淑进行到底:“去了不要惦记回来啊!我一个人在一套房子里不会害怕的!记得主动买单啊!来去都要打车,千万不要替我省来之不易的钱。。。。。。”我怀疑我话音没落他都已经上了出租车了。
人情有两种。一种是不情不愿。给得不大方,得的不领情。一种是顺水推舟。明知道他一定会得,索性笑脸送出去。
比方说,我说不说,他都会打车。他是能躺不坐,能站不走的人。金钱,只要不是他挣的,他花起来都如粪土。所以,我索性大方送给他。并在不经意间告诉他,偶为省一块钱的公交车钱,在热毒的太阳下暴走3小时。比方说,王熙凤明知道劳工要找个二奶,索性自己把丫鬟送出去,并出门主动挑选个软柿子捏。
主动的好处是,以方寸换大空间,并把自己首先置于有利位置,并且将情分挂帐,日后支取。
劳工走了。我开始干活。我显然可以把所有的活丢给他干。因为我病了。不过我打算把他感动到底,让他知道他老婆不仅仅只会口头甜言蜜语,实干方面也有两把刷子。
我最少有一年半没干过家务了。从怀孕起,我的十指就没沾过阳春水。说老实话,我生完儿子满月后第一天自己下水搓毛巾洗脸时候还差点掉眼泪呢!觉得一生完孩子就被虐待,连脸都要自己洗了。当然,那算产后忧郁,比较多愁善感。
我一面用洗衣机洗衣服,一面跪地上抹地。劳工原本告诉我,一套80平米的房子拖下来,15分钟一滴汗都不会掉。但事实上,我干了整整两个半小时。把能擦能洗的边角全部抹一遍,用刷子把厨房的地清理好,把厕所里外刷干净。全家飘扬着消毒水的味道。地擦完了就晒衣服,衣服晒完了又手洗内衣内裤。全身都湿透了。
洗完澡,香香地写了两篇文章了,劳工还没回来。我原本想让他惊喜到底的。要他知道老婆除了会侍奉公婆亲戚,还会收拾厅堂,也会洗晒,并且还有绝活等他回来表演。
不过看样子他今夜是不打算回来了。偶滴一腔表演绝活的热情正在熄灭。
偶要睡觉去了。
午夜小电视偶们下一集TO BE CONTINUED。
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