胖妈妈的好处
稻草灰多,结巴话多,带肚的婆娘尿多。
怀孕时至六月半,感同身受劳苦大众的金玉良言。
今天从幼儿园下课,赶着回家。
最近儿子大了,肚子大了,毛病也多了,最明显的一毛病就是膀胱压迫。出门没两三分钟,就有尿意,若儿子配合,在肚子里转一转,便好些,否则一刻也等不得的。
真去了厕所,坐在位子上须耐心等待,暗力频施,凝神屏气,注意力高度集中,将所有的内力聚敛在膀胱上才会有涓涓细流而出。最高记录是夜起8次,以前有人ID名字叫一夜七次郎,自诩如何厉害,我现在嘲讽自己为一夜八次娘,定要超过前辈,以证明巾帼不让须眉。
上次去看医生,向医生诉苦说自己的生存现状之艰难,达到足不敢出户的地步。医生怀疑是感染,化验后说无恙,只是孩子淘罢了。然后给了个很说不出口的建议:让陈妈妈以后出门戴上成人尿不湿。顿觉脸丢大了,我娘说我自出生7个月起,非把尿不出,在如厕方面有超人的洁癖,为找一可心的厕所,隐忍之术堪比骆驼,如今就为腹中胎儿而颜面扫地,在新加坡35度的大热天里出门穿着厚尿片,还去幼儿园跟孩子们一起玩耍,万一被顽童看见,不知如何耻笑我,孩子们都脱离尿片生涯了,怎么老师反而没训练好呢?
于是大部分时间凭毅力隐忍,并且出门前做好准备。
今天出教室门以前是上过厕所的,盘算着一路45分钟回家,到家正赶上另一拨厕所,绝无大碍。
今天就忖那么一点点,前车轧着后车的轮胎线。在转换站上,眼睁睁看着要转的车绝尘而去,不给一点情面。坐在站台等候的时候,由于心慌,就开始露怯,尿意一拨一拨如潮水袭来,脑海里不断出现洪水爆发,闸门冲泄,大雨倾盆的画面,更加刺激小腹。
等待的过程实在漫长,因为不是上下班高峰时段,等了20多分钟车才来,远远超过我的计划。所以一到达目的地,下了车,甩开脚丫往家跑。
人浮气就躁,气躁则心不平,心不平则步乱。
下台阶的时候,一没留神摔了个屁股墩儿,鞋子飞出去丈八,胳膊肘撑在地上,皮蹭破好一大块儿,脚也崴了,腿也瘸了。顿时脑袋一片空白,坐在地上不敢动弹,生怕出什么意外。
爹娘每天电话里都嘱咐,千万别栽跟头啊!大忌!
可今天终于破了不栽跟头的神话。
坐了一会儿,除了脚疼,肚子倒是无恙,宝宝连惊慌地动都不动上一动。拍拍肚皮问道:“我儿可安好?”稳如泰山。
于是放心地站起,拍拍尘土,寻回鞋子,走人儿。
胖妈妈有胖妈妈的好处,油厚肉板,栽一栽不显。
不过,下次还是要小心啊!
“陈偶得日记—胖妈妈的好处”上的82条回复
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