写作是这样一种叫你难受的东西
我以前–不拿笔写以前,非常享受读书的过程。那时候我读书快而简洁,完全是融入故事本身,享受作者的情节,并且感情跌宕起伏,一部好小说叫我心潮澎湃不已。
后来自己写了,阅读的时间就减少了,只读些大家的了,那些被人推荐的,或知名作家刚出的书。
最近这段,觉得自己好象彻底走上文学道路了。读书对我是一种痛苦。我开始无法沉浸在阅读本身的愉快里。我开始非常注意写作者的下笔,修辞,语调和非常丰富的联想,也就是说,故事本身对我是其次的,我更多的注意一些故事以外的东西。我常为作者想出如此精辟的比喻而赞叹不已,进而感到羞愧,为什么我想不出,或者是两相对比,发现自己在写作上非常贫乏,无论是语言还是思想。有一天和浮生讨论一些网络人的写作,记得当时摘录了尔林兔的一段描写:“情欲的青草郁郁生长,居然冲破了断壁残垣,成一片水草丰美的领域,湿漉漉的雾气弥漫于其上”,当时我跟浮生说,我看不懂。但是很喜欢那种虚无缥缈的感觉。我觉得很有高山仰止的感觉,因为这种描写是我学不会的。而好的文章,这样的意识流又是必备的。浮生说,很好的描写啊,有种雾霭的感觉,而情欲就是那种黏溧的,躁热的,好象桑拿的感觉。他说,你的毛病就是大实话太多,意境太少,联想太少。我顿时有种丫鬟拿惯了扫帚,突然改拿毛笔的不知所措,并且羞愧。
于是感叹,写作中,小说是个难点,构思的精巧,语言的铺叙,文字的带入性,特别是写作情绪的连贯,实在太重要了。以前根本不想作者还有写作情绪问题。自己写了才惊叹别人情绪的稳定,为什么这么长的小说可以保持如此的统一?我好象很容易情绪波动,起伏。
读书对我不再是享受,我觉得很痛苦,有压迫感,有紧张感,有羞耻感。读到精彩处竟然大汗淋漓,与其说是被情节打动,不如说是被技巧折服。非常懊恼,觉得自己怎么会干这么需要创造性和技巧的工作。总想放弃,总想瞎混混,总想逃避。
有一种行为叫卑鄙的偷。因为缺钱偷人财物,因为缺爱而偷人,因为好奇而偷窥。我也沦为这种卑鄙,我有前所未有的强烈欲望。我也想偷,我想偷人思想,偷人阅历,偷人揣在脑海里不断翻腾的炙热语句。我常为自己的卑鄙告解,生怕自己有朝一日,也许会跟大家照面,只不过隔着铁栅栏,我在里面,你在外面。
我注定,这一生,应该做个好观众的。现在倒好,票友混成唱戏的了。
痛苦。
我不敢评论写作,因为斤两不够,会给人笑话的。你以为自己是SOMEBODY了,其实是NOTHING,就自喊炎约旱被厥隆?br>
其实不是的,我说了你们以为我假谦虚。但我真实的想法就是–我不行。我对文字有种盲目崇拜,凡是出成书的,我都觉得高我一等。另外就是,我总拿自己的短处比人家的长处。
我好象从来就没有自信过。
我老活在这种痛苦中。别人夸我,我紧张。别人批我,我难过。别人说我行,我怕自己真去试了失败。别人说我不行,我又不甘心。
写作原本是释放我内心压抑的一种方式。我脑子想的快,嘴巴说的慢。但如果变成一种压力,让我无法品味生活,我要放弃。
高人太多了。
以前人家讲现在做电影明星太难了,一条道走黑,竞争激烈。
后来人家讲现在做高科技太难了,一条道走黑,竞争激烈。
我想,未来人家讲,现在写作这条路太难了,网上能写的会写的写的好的太多,一条道走黑,竞争激烈。
我不适合在压力下生活。只要给我个目标我就痉挛。
所以,我逃避高考;所以我逃避做业务;所以我逃避做女强人;所以我躲在幼儿园里跟孩子鬼混。
我要是可以当叫花子就好了,就那么懒懒躺在阳光下捉虱子,等着铜板当地掉进我面前的碗里。活一天,算一天。
『百姓酒馆』 提交日期:2003-6-9 23:30:12
“写作是这样一种叫你难受的东西”上的107条回复
different types of allergy medicine best allergy medication for itching do you need a prescription
prescription sleep meds for elderly meloset for sale online
generic deltasone order prednisone 20mg for sale
list of prescription heartburn medications brand glycomet
strong acne medication prescription clindamycin for sale treatment for acne in adults
different types of allergy medicine allegra price best allergy medication for itching
order accutane pills isotretinoin brand buy accutane sale
strongest natural sleeping pills generic meloset 3mg
buy amoxil 250mg pills order amoxil generic amoxil 250mg over the counter
sleep aids prescription drugs provigil generic
zithromax online order zithromax 500mg drug azithromycin 500mg pills
cost gabapentin buy gabapentin no prescription
purchase azipro without prescription azithromycin 500mg brand azithromycin 500mg without prescription
furosemide 100mg canada lasix 100mg brand
prednisolone 10mg cheap order prednisolone generic prednisolone without prescription
order amoxil online amoxicillin 500mg for sale buy amoxicillin 500mg generic
vibra-tabs cost vibra-tabs for sale online
generic albuterol inhalator purchase ventolin online generic albuterol inhalator
augmentin 625mg ca amoxiclav online buy
buy levothroid for sale levothyroxine over the counter levothyroxine medication
buy vardenafil 20mg generic levitra 10mg brand
buy clomid 50mg pills clomid 100mg ca clomid us
tizanidine 2mg canada zanaflex usa buy tizanidine 2mg pill
order rybelsus 14mg order rybelsus 14 mg without prescription order semaglutide 14mg
deltasone 10mg sale generic prednisone brand prednisone 5mg
purchase rybelsus sale buy rybelsus cheap order rybelsus 14 mg
isotretinoin us buy accutane tablets buy absorica pill
buy asthma pills onlin ventolin where to buy order ventolin 4mg generic
buy amoxil buy amoxicillin pills order amoxicillin 1000mg online
amoxiclav canada buy generic augmentin over the counter amoxiclav tablet
zithromax us zithromax 500mg usa buy zithromax 250mg for sale
order prednisolone 40mg generic buy omnacortil 5mg pill omnacortil 5mg sale
clomid over the counter clomiphene 100mg us clomiphene 50mg drug
buy generic neurontin online buy neurontin 600mg online neurontin cost
sildenafil professional buy viagra without prescription viagra 50mg cheap
buy lasix 100mg pill buy lasix online cheap buy lasix 100mg pills
buy semaglutide 14 mg generic semaglutide price order generic rybelsus
order monodox generic buy doxycycline 100mg for sale buy generic doxycycline online
best online casino usa real money blackjack gambling casino online
purchase vardenafil without prescription buy levitra 20mg without prescription vardenafil 20mg tablet
order lyrica online how to get lyrica without a prescription lyrica 75mg drug
hydroxychloroquine 200mg pills buy hydroxychloroquine 400mg sale buy hydroxychloroquine 200mg online
buy triamcinolone 10mg without prescription order triamcinolone pill aristocort online
cialis 5mg without prescription tadalafil liquid cialis 40mg us
desloratadine online buy desloratadine tablets desloratadine uk
buy cenforce 100mg pills how to get cenforce without a prescription buy cenforce 50mg pill
loratadine without prescription purchase loratadine for sale loratadine 10mg generic
buy aralen tablets aralen us aralen pills
order generic dapoxetine 90mg order cytotec pills buy cheap generic misoprostol
metformin cheap where can i buy glycomet glycomet 500mg over the counter
order lipitor cost atorvastatin 20mg lipitor buy online
norvasc where to buy order norvasc pills where to buy norvasc without a prescription
buy zestril 5mg pills buy generic lisinopril 10mg order prinivil
cost crestor 10mg buy crestor 20mg for sale ezetimibe 10mg cheap
buy prilosec cheap order omeprazole buy omeprazole generic
purchase motilium pills domperidone tablet buy tetracycline 250mg for sale
order metoprolol 100mg online order metoprolol 100mg generic buy lopressor paypal
buy flexeril cheap purchase lioresal ozobax generic
purchase atenolol for sale order tenormin 50mg online cheap buy tenormin 50mg for sale
toradol cost buy colcrys without a prescription colchicine medication
purchase depo-medrol online cheap buy methylprednisolone 16mg methylprednisolone ca
assignment sites how to write my thesis essay writing sites
how to buy inderal buy generic plavix 75mg buy plavix 150mg for sale
buy methotrexate for sale order methotrexate 10mg without prescription buy warfarin 5mg for sale
purchase reglan without prescription buy reglan without prescription buy cozaar 25mg pills
tamsulosin online buy order generic flomax celebrex 200mg over the counter
buy esomeprazole pills buy topiramate online cheap where to buy topiramate without a prescription
imitrex 50mg cheap imitrex 25mg canada order levaquin 500mg generic
avodart 0.5mg without prescription order generic dutasteride ranitidine 300mg uk
acillin us cheap doxycycline amoxil brand
cost proscar 1mg purchase finpecia sale buy generic diflucan 200mg
cipro 500mg uk – cipro 500mg oral buy clavulanate for sale
ciprofloxacin 1000mg canada – myambutol 1000mg cost brand augmentin 1000mg
order metronidazole 400mg for sale – cheap amoxicillin for sale purchase azithromycin sale
buy generic ciplox 500 mg – purchase doxycycline without prescription erythromycin oral
oral valacyclovir 500mg – buy generic nemazole zovirax over the counter
stromectol 3mg – co-amoxiclav price buy sumycin 500mg online
order flagyl 200mg online – cefaclor capsules brand azithromycin 500mg
buy acillin for sale acillin generic buy amoxil generic
furosemide 40mg uk – captopril for sale online oral capoten
how to get glucophage without a prescription – cipro 1000mg oral lincocin 500mg oral
buy zidovudine 300 mg pills – purchase allopurinol sale zyloprim cost
clozaril 50mg price – purchase quinapril online where to buy famotidine without a prescription
seroquel 100mg for sale – buy bupropion online cheap eskalith pill
buy anafranil pill – order imipramine 75mg pills buy doxepin pills
hydroxyzine drug – fluoxetine 40mg brand endep generic
purchase augmentin pills – buy generic linezolid ciprofloxacin 1000mg usa
amoxil price – cefuroxime 250mg pills cheap ciprofloxacin
order cleocin 150mg sale – purchase doxycycline generic buy chloramphenicol pill
zithromax 250mg generic – brand ciplox 500 mg ciplox 500 mg price
ivermectin 3mg over the counter – eryc buy online buy cefaclor 500mg without prescription
albuterol online order – purchase advair diskus inhalator for sale buy theo-24 Cr without a prescription
buy oral medrol – buy cetirizine order astelin 10 ml without prescription
buy generic clarinex online – buy beclomethasone sale ventolin 2mg inhaler
buy micronase medication – actos 30mg generic order generic dapagliflozin
metformin 500mg ca – order acarbose 50mg generic precose pills
brand repaglinide 2mg – empagliflozin 10mg uk jardiance generic
how to buy terbinafine – purchase diflucan generic order grifulvin v generic
oral rybelsus – buy rybelsus 14 mg generic DDAVP brand
buy ketoconazole no prescription – ketoconazole 200mg canada sporanox 100mg price
famvir 250mg us – famciclovir 250mg ca valcivir 500mg without prescription
order digoxin 250mg pills – order dipyridamole for sale buy generic furosemide 100mg
brand microzide – buy prinivil pill cheap bisoprolol 10mg
generic lopressor 50mg – olmesartan 10mg brand adalat for sale online
nitroglycerin cost – nitroglycerin online diovan 80mg generic
rosuvastatin online convey – caduet autumn caduet online rather
simvastatin amiable – lopid brave lipitor sensible