乱乱讲
不折磨自己了。心情不好不应该拿其他人或动物或花花草草甚至机器电脑出气。
要出去转转,不要总赖在电脑前。
不过晚上去转过了,跑了好大一圈,大到后来跑不回来,打车回来的。又爬楼梯爬了20层,完了坐电梯下楼到家。浑身臭汗(据说蓝领工人的汗是臭汗,小姐的汗是香汗。我原以为自己是小姐,不过闻了闻身上的味道,最终决定违心承认自己是蓝领工人)。
洗澡,把自己打浪的香喷喷的。打浪这个词是我家乡的土话。当你去菜市场买活鸡活鸭的时候,称完重量贩子就会问你:“可要打浪?”意思是需要杀了拔毛外带清理干净吗?最早听这词用在人身上是我在房地产公司上班的时候,那经理平时总邋遢的很,某天突然将下巴刮得锃亮,头发剪得板寸,一进公司办公室,秘书小姐一口地道合肥话,咪咪笑着说:“哦!今个打浪递样光浪。”意思是,今天打扮这样光鲜?我听了当场笑喷,觉得群众的语言是流动的溪水,让你取之不尽,用之不竭,而且还透露着灵动。
然后坐在电脑前跟机器较劲。郁闷的时候我不会排遣,以前是躲被窝里看书不出来,后来会上网了,就到每个论坛去喊一嗓子,就当自己发泄过了。
最早上网看东西很不习惯,屏幕一滚动下移就找不着刚才读的那一行,当时实在没想到自己以后会这样读书。自以为凡阅读一定是抱一本竖行的书,用手卷卷,一只手可握的筒状,然后眼皮翻翻从上读到下,翻书的时候只大拇指轻轻一捏,便翻了过去。
如今到好,这两天抱书翻看,一看就昏昏欲睡,唯一的好处是好象很治我的失眠。以前每天能睡5小时就很激动,这两天一看书,睡眠徒然翻了一番。于是感慨,妈妈当年说的话我现在都要全部重新说一遍。幸好没有孩子,省却了一番口舌的自嘲与解释。当年妈妈看书睡着了,好象还流口水,被我们推醒的时候总皱着眉头非常不好意思地说:“妈妈老了,学不进去了。。。。。。。”当时以为妈妈找借口,心想,哼,自己不想读书却整天逼我们,现在想想,岁月不饶人啊,我这也到了提笔忘字,读书 打瞌睡的年纪。
不过下面这句话我很不好意思说:当年妈妈一看书就瞌睡,好象已经是50以后的事情了。。。。。
看书看到百思不得其解。其中一句对话是“I am sorry for have kept you waiting.”觉得这叫自找麻烦,为什么不直接说 I am sorry for my late?搞这么多时态语态,好比走进了八卦迷宫,一提笔就DIZZY。
有个姓李的网友,偶尔会写信来发表TA对我文章的看法,每次一看到TA信,我就紧张,因为很多单词用的很复杂,比方说关节,TA一定要用个标准词汇,好象是ANTHE。。。什么的,如果是我,我就用JIONT OF THE BONE,听明白不就行?为什么要显示自己比别人掌握得多一点点?我承认我不求上进,看自己感兴趣的词,过目不忘,比方说HOMOSEXUAL或FOREPLAY,但对自己不常用的,任你说多少遍我都分不清楚动脉和静脉。
恩,写点东西,回忆回忆,我就心灵平和许多,让我从现实的纷乱中逃脱出来,现在,我好多了。我总爱回忆,因为,回忆使我平和。
焦躁,思念,还有些决绝。也许这是必须经过的无奈。
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