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不折磨自己了。心情不好不应该拿其他人或动物或花花草草甚至机器电脑出气。
要出去转转，不要总赖在电脑前。
不过晚上去转过了，跑了好大一圈，大到后来跑不回来，打车回来的。又爬楼梯爬了20层，完了坐电梯下楼到家。浑身臭汗（据说蓝领工人的汗是臭汗，小姐的汗是香汗。我原以为自己是小姐，不过闻了闻身上的味道，最终决定违心承认自己是蓝领工人）。
洗澡，把自己打浪的香喷喷的。打浪这个词是我家乡的土话。当你去菜市场买活鸡活鸭的时候，称完重量贩子就会问你：“可要打浪？”意思是需要杀了拔毛外带清理干净吗？最早听这词用在人身上是我在房地产公司上班的时候，那经理平时总邋遢的很，某天突然将下巴刮得锃亮，头发剪得板寸，一进公司办公室，秘书小姐一口地道合肥话，咪咪笑着说：“哦！今个打浪递样光浪。”意思是，今天打扮这样光鲜？我听了当场笑喷，觉得群众的语言是流动的溪水，让你取之不尽，用之不竭，而且还透露着灵动。
然后坐在电脑前跟机器较劲。郁闷的时候我不会排遣，以前是躲被窝里看书不出来，后来会上网了，就到每个论坛去喊一嗓子，就当自己发泄过了。
最早上网看东西很不习惯，屏幕一滚动下移就找不着刚才读的那一行，当时实在没想到自己以后会这样读书。自以为凡阅读一定是抱一本竖行的书，用手卷卷，一只手可握的筒状，然后眼皮翻翻从上读到下，翻书的时候只大拇指轻轻一捏，便翻了过去。
如今到好，这两天抱书翻看，一看就昏昏欲睡，唯一的好处是好象很治我的失眠。以前每天能睡5小时就很激动，这两天一看书，睡眠徒然翻了一番。于是感慨，妈妈当年说的话我现在都要全部重新说一遍。幸好没有孩子，省却了一番口舌的自嘲与解释。当年妈妈看书睡着了，好象还流口水，被我们推醒的时候总皱着眉头非常不好意思地说：“妈妈老了，学不进去了。。。。。。。”当时以为妈妈找借口，心想，哼，自己不想读书却整天逼我们，现在想想，岁月不饶人啊，我这也到了提笔忘字，读书 打瞌睡的年纪。
不过下面这句话我很不好意思说：当年妈妈一看书就瞌睡，好象已经是50以后的事情了。。。。。 
看书看到百思不得其解。其中一句对话是“I am sorry for have kept you waiting.”觉得这叫自找麻烦，为什么不直接说 I am sorry for my late?搞这么多时态语态，好比走进了八卦迷宫，一提笔就DIZZY。
有个姓李的网友，偶尔会写信来发表TA对我文章的看法，每次一看到TA信，我就紧张，因为很多单词用的很复杂，比方说关节，TA一定要用个标准词汇，好象是ANTHE。。。什么的，如果是我，我就用JIONT OF THE BONE，听明白不就行？为什么要显示自己比别人掌握得多一点点？我承认我不求上进，看自己感兴趣的词，过目不忘，比方说HOMOSEXUAL或FOREPLAY，但对自己不常用的，任你说多少遍我都分不清楚动脉和静脉。
恩，写点东西，回忆回忆，我就心灵平和许多，让我从现实的纷乱中逃脱出来，现在，我好多了。我总爱回忆，因为，回忆使我平和。
焦躁，思念，还有些决绝。也许这是必须经过的无奈。
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