Hi Liuliu, First of all, many thanks to you for taking timing to read, and reply to, my post. I really did not expect you, the most famous author of the best sellers, would actually be kind enough to reply.

Today I went to a trade show in Washington DC with my colleague, a young man from India. The drive was about an hour, so we started chatting in the car. Turns out that he is going back to India in May to get married. This is a typical family arranged marriage still popular in India, as his fiancé has been a long time family friend. This leads me to think that not that long ago, marriages in China were also arranged. If we judge the success and quality of marriage by the divorce rate, then I would say that arranged marriages appear to be superior to love-based marriages.

The foundation of arranged marriage consists of compatibility of social status, monetary status, social class of both the gloom and the bride families. These tend to be quite stable qualities that last through generations. 

The idea of marriages based on love is very appealing on paper. But the reality is that our love changes, sometimes rather quickly and dramatically over time. The average love lasts perhaps 7 years? Some last as short as just a few months. Another problem of love is that some men think they have enough love to spare for more than one woman – some women think this way too.

These days, in China in particular, the love that marriages are based on, has been slowing changing from pure love to “material love”, which leads to the phenomenon of mistresses and “second wives”. Therefore our society has evolved from arranged marriage to love-based marriage to material-love-based marriage. I am not sure it is progress at all. What do you think?

我是这样想的：关键不在是父母之命媒妁之言，还是自由恋爱。关键是整个社会责任缺失加上一家一个小孩助长了这种分离的可能。

过去的社会是个大家庭，祖孙三四代同堂，一家都生五六个七八个，生少的让人看不起。那么多孩子的家庭哪有空搞外遇啊！都忙着糊口。真正大家族不必以谋生为基本生存的，也是三妻四妾的。说到底，历史到今天，古代到现在，外国到中国，物质优越者肯定在性上也有优越。目的还是极大传播种群。

现代社会家庭小了，电器多了，不用干那么多家务了，男女又都出去工作了，男人不用那么累地养家了就可以顶着爱的名义胡搞了。

过去靠道德舆论钳制人的精神或思想，现在也没有了。人们的容忍度越来越高，以前吐沫能吐死一个人，现在大家吐沫都喷网上了。所以，这些现象会不断蔓延。反正做过的人，也没沉猪笼，被抛弃的上吊自杀的也没成群，都能接受了。

同意六六的观点。。。。  

还是人品的问题我觉的。。。。。

引用

引用第61楼六六于03-17-2010 21:34发表的  :
我是这样想的：关键不在是父母之命媒妁之言，还是自由恋爱。关键是整个社会责任缺失加上一家一个小孩助长了这种分离的可能。

过去的社会是个大家庭，祖孙三四代同堂，一家都生五六个七八个，生少的让人看不起。那么多孩子的家庭哪有空搞外遇啊！都忙着糊口。真正大家族不必以谋生为基本生存的，也是三妻四妾的。说到底，历史到今天，古代到现在，外国到中国，物质优越者肯定在性上也有优越。目的还是极大传播种群。

现代社会家庭小了，电器多了，不用干那么多家务了，男女又都出去工作了，男人不用那么累地养家了就可以顶着爱的名义胡搞了。
.......

Thanks for the fast reply, which I totally agree. A Chinese general (I cannot remember his name) once said “I need to eat less rice, and read more books”. I think all of us (particularly us men) should read more, and fantasize less. Reading makes us better persons, meanwhile controls our biological urges as well as kills the time otherwise available to us to look for “wild flowers”.  My motto is “books are my best friends” (diamonds may be some women’s best friends, and definitely not mine).

However I also believe effective marriage laws are necessary to deal with financial losses associate with the social illness, to at least compensate partially for the victims. Marriage laws cannot stop affairs, but can deter people (mostly men) from taking their mistresses as their legitimate “second wives”. And the legal wives can sue their husbands.  I think that is the main reason that in the US, there are fewer people having affairs, and almost no one taking “second wives”.

Marriage laws can also go to the extremes in protecting women and punishing men. One of my best friends in Los Angles for example, had to pay endless alimony although his wife was the one who had an affair (she fell in love with her professor at a college). She asked for a divorce, so they did. And he had to sell everything he/they owned, including the cars, the house, his retirement funds, and gave half of them to his ex wife, in addition to paying half of his income to support she for many years! Maybe one day I will email you the details of the story for you to make a TV show if you are interested.

珍太傻了，我是要当红，学习我的偶像六六

两个男人抢一个女人，最传统也是最干脆爽快的方法，是决斗。两个女人抢一个男人，为什么不也决斗？

要是有两个女人抢我，我会让她们每人在我的gun collection 中选一支最喜欢最合手的手枪，为我而决斗。但是我会给她们假子弹：那个表现最好，最不怕为我牺牲的，就是胜者。

爱情3P会否是未来感情的发展趋势呢

是不是我太老土了，赶不上潮流了，“小三”这个词不好听，其实苍蝇不叮无缝的蛋，你老公先和人家来者不拒的，“大奶”也面子无光呀。


话说中国是个礼仪之邦，君子不躲人之好，己不欲勿施予人，婚姻是感情，义务，人格的承诺，真的没感情了，能不能像个男人/女人一样，大家好聚好散，
都什么年代了，谁离了谁还过不去了。 我身边没一个有“小三”的朋友，有离婚的也是感情不好，没听说“小三”，至少我没听到。

其实大奶和小三的纠葛主要来源于这个男人，小三说白了还是看中这个男人目前所拥有的社会地位和金钱，男人以爱情的名义找小三当长期性伴侣，如此而已。经过24年的感情生活，这个男人少说也是年过半百了，年过半百没有钱没有权的半大老头估计想找小三还会被嗤之以鼻呢，更不要说年轻女人上赶着来了！

话说回来，年过半百的男人，还招小三爱，真不知是不是应该恭喜他。

不管怎么样，做事之前先做人，出去招惹小三，有没有想过，甘苦与共二十四年的，家里的妻子，你有没有考虑过她的感受。简单来说，她出去有了别人，你会装作没事人一样，成天反省是不是自己那里不好，才让她变了心，变着法的美容，做菜，去讨她欢心，梦想她回到你的身边。如果自己不能坦然处之，就别这样做对自己的妻子。

男的说他喜欢小三，可是在一个一夫一妻制的社会里，几千年的传统，礼仪之国，不能给小三任何名分，天天耗这人家，女孩的青春短，就这么几年，你也太自私，太狠了吧。这种自私自利，四处粘花捏草的，撩鸡斗狗的男人，真看不出什么好的。

小三说男的钱多，跟着他生活好，那你就要做好思想准备，偷来的，名不正，言不顺。也就你跟他几年，他给你买栋房子，这回跟买卖查不多，就专业点，别订在一个地方，还矫情的说是恋爱。

爱情终究会从心动甜蜜归为平淡无奇，时间一久，什么都变

引用

引用第70楼xinyu99于09-30-2010 00:32发表的 :
话说回来，年过半百的男人，还招小三爱，真不知恭喜他才貌双全，还是睿智过人，富贵逼人。


不管怎么样，做事之前先做人，出去招惹小三，有没有想过，甘苦与共二十四年的，家里的妻子，你有没有考虑过她的感受，自尊，一个对自家妻子都交代不过去的行为，自己私下了想想对么？在家为人父，人夫，在外出入工作场合，如何为人师表，教育子女，做人，为人处事。

.......

如果是做买卖，也许会计较值不值，如果有爱，不管得到什么或者没有得到什么，都不会计较得失。因为感情有时候真的没有办法计算。我觉得只有不计较了，才能是真爱。我们永远为那些真爱的人感动。可是也只有时间才能证明什么是爱。

很多事情的对错都跟当时情境有关,而且感情的事情更加复杂.
旁人的评论更多就是屁股决定脑袋,同样的问题,40岁的妇女跟18岁的妇女可能看法完全相反.
倒是男人相对稳定,一直就喜欢25岁的美女.

"旁人的评论更多就是屁股决定脑袋,同样的问题,40岁的妇女跟18岁的妇女可能看法完全相反.倒是男人相对稳定,一直就喜欢25岁的美女."

严重同意，我小时候看见荷塘里美丽盛开的一朵荷花，含苞待放，美丽动人，可是全荷塘里只这一朵，我每天都去看，看她一天一天长开，一天和一天不同，终于，我忍不住了，在一个热热的中午，周围没人，偷偷的栽回去。那时我六岁，是去表姐单位玩，顺便暑假住一住，可摘了以后，以我的父母给我的教育，总觉得自己那里做的不对，心里总是忐忑不安。看着偷栽的荷花，怎么都没在荷塘里的顺眼。我想那些执著“爱情”的人，和我想栽荷花的心情差不多，可如果是不该做的事，能不能管住自己，想想罢了，人还是要自己管的住自己的

婚姻制度原本就違反人性，愛情裡頭不能去找從一而終，你硬要把道德、責任跟愛情綁在一起，那只是滿足你自以為是的愛情公義，世界本來就不完美，期待愛情永留存最終是要失望的。
大老婆跟老公原本或許是有真愛的，但你若真心愛一個人（管他是親情還是愛情），就不要讓他難受，這是愛人的第一課。

烦死楼上长篇大段写英文的。好好的又不是看不懂中文，写啥英文。别说没法输入中文，可以去在线中文输入输的。

唉