东海仙子：冰花诗一首英译（那个夏天）OK

那个夏天   That Summer


BY Rose Lu(Binghua)     Tr. East Sea Fairy
粉红的连衣裙      Having a pink one-piece on,
刘海儿齐眉        Eyebrow long fringe,
短发齐耳          ears short hair
长长的睫毛        And long eyelashes
圈阅着两汪水      Reading two pools of water

口红没抹          Without lipslicking
胭脂不擦          And pondering rouge
套双粉红丝袜      I put on a pair of pink silk stockings
穿上丁字凉鞋      And a pair of tee-strap sandals

悄悄离家          Left home without telling anybody
默默寻觅他        To look for him quietly,
静静坐等在        And sitting silent to wait
他可能出现的小巷  In the little lane where he might appear

他来了            He came
我脸儿绯红        And my cheeks turned crimson red
手脚无措          At a loss what to do
说出的话没头没脑  I said something that made no sense at all

他走了            He left
晶莹的泪花一串串  And strings of crystal clear tears
在他身后洒落      Spattered on the ground

选:


That Summer


BY Rose Lu (Bing hua)     Tr. East Sea Fairy

Having a pink one-piece on,
Eyebrow long fringe,
ears short hair
And long eyelashes
Reading two pools of water

Without lipslicking
And pondering rouge
I put on a pair of pink silk stockings
And a pair of tee-strap sandals

Left home without telling anybody
To look for him quietly,
And sitting silent to wait
In the little lane where he might appear

He came
And my cheeks turned crimson red
At a loss what to do
I said something that made no sense at all

He left
And strings of crystal clear tears
Spattered on the ground

In the summer of August

Rose LU

Tr MENGWEN

Wearing my pink skirt
Short hair to the eyebrows
And to the ears
Long eyelids
Embracing my pure clear eyes

Wearing no lip-gloss
Nor any makeup
Simply putting on my pink silk socks
And T sandals

I quietly left home
Sought mutedly after him
I sat awaiting at the lanes
Where he could come

But when he finally came
I was blushed with shame
I didn’t know how to put my feet and hands
My words didn‘t make any sense

Now he’s gone
My tears ran out like a cluster of crystals
Dripping after him

两个译文, 哪个好?

In the summer of August

Rose LU

Tr MENGWEN
Wearing my pink babydoll skirt
Short hair to the eyebrows
And to the ears
My long eyelids
Embracing my pure clear eyes

Wearing no lip-gloss
Nor any makeup
Simply putting on my pink silk socks
And T sandals

I quietly left home
Sought mutedly after him
I sat awaiting at the lanes
Where he could come

But when he finally came
I was blushed with shame
I didn’t know how to put my feet and hands
My words didn‘t make any sense

Now he’s gone
My tears ran out like a cluster of crystals
Dripping after him

That Summer


BY Rose Lu(Binghua)     Tr. East Sea Fairy

Having a pink one-piece on,
Eyebrow long fringe,
ears short hair
And long eyelashes
Reading two pools of water

Without lipslicking
And pondering rouge
I put on a pair of pink silk stockings
And a pair of tee-strap sandals

Left home without telling anybody
To look for him quietly,
And sitting silent to wait
In the little lane where he might appear

He came
And my cheeks turned crimson red
At a loss what to do
I said something that made no sense at all

He left
And strings of crystal clear tears
Spattered on the ground

http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_3f4024480102e9h9.html