做窝
陈偶得排除万难,奋勇拼搏,终于在陈妈妈的肚子里左推推,右踢踢,腾出个空儿来,给自己安了个小窝。陈偶得躺在暖暖的贴身睡袋里,该吃就吃,该喝就喝,还满惬意的。
陈妈妈不能想偶得当年冲破千军万马的突围,扫除层层雷障,一马当先,使劲游泳的样子。一想到就眼泪水稀里哗啦,感动得一塌糊涂。这个小家伙该多么地英俊潇洒,一夫当关万夫莫开呀!于是陈妈妈眼里的小偶得应该是脚蹬赤兔马,手擒长八长矛,满脸憋得通红的关云厂一样神武,一路过关斩将,兵来将挡,水来便猛啐一口吐沫。那是怎样的豪迈气概!小偶得直奔妈妈肚子里捂了整整一个月的小红太阳,一头撞进去。头进去了,小尾巴还在外头使劲甩啊甩,拿出蚯蚓钻地壳的尽头,硬是钻了进去。这还没完呢!陈偶得还得拖着那颗沉甸甸的小太阳逆流而上,钻回妈妈的子宫里做窝。所以,陈偶得应该长得满壮的,身体倍棒,吃嘛嘛香,连妈妈平时看都不看的西红柿加梳打饼干,都能咂吧出营养。这孩子,跟六零年的那一拨一样好养。
而且陈偶得的独立生存能力很强,受过魔鬼集中营的强化训练,在爸爸妈妈的忽略下茁壮成长。陈妈妈在不知道陈偶得的存在以前,共计干过如下惊心动魄的蠢事数桩:最少和爸爸在一起合看“西厢记”两次,并且乱翻书。因为饮食过多而蒸过一两次高温桑拿,下过三次决心要将陈偶得当过期的例假打掉,并有一次付诸行动。幸好偶得及时意识到妈妈纯属无意识犯下的错误,以蹬踢,踹,拱,扭等一系列不合作方式造成妈妈恶心不断,恶心到连药都吃不下去,在历史的转折点上,挽救了自己一条小小命。这条命保留得弥足珍贵,很可能未来的画家音乐家歌唱家数学家作家或银行家,甚至可能集所有大家于一身的陈偶得被稀里糊涂的妈妈就毁坏了。
更糟糕的是,妈妈还在无知无觉的情况下骑自行车爬大坡,跟爸爸赛竞走,陪爷爷奶奶散步5公里等等等等。一回想起这些,陈妈妈就后怕得冷汗直冒,拍着独自喊阿弥陀佛。
昨天,陈妈妈跟陈偶得的猫咪姐姐翻脸了,追着打猫咪姐姐的大屁股。
因为猫咪姐姐图省事,从沙发扶手上要跳到靠枕上,顺便从妈妈的肚皮上借过。陈妈妈揣测,偶得那一刻正在午休,突然感到头顶上多了一双肉爪,很不爽。陈妈妈拍着猫咪姐姐的屁股说:“你要是小BABY也就不说你了。你整天海吃胡喝,胖得连只苍蝇都捉不住,经常因为超重而从椅背上摔下,站不稳平衡木,你怎么能以4公斤多的大身子去践踏我家的小蚕豆呢?”
陈妈妈非常奇怪地固执认为陈偶得是个胖小子。虽然爸爸妈妈都期望收获个胖丫头。
当然偶得如遂我们所愿真是个花棉袄,妈妈就把印象中神武的偶得换成头顶野雉长翎,身披五彩盔甲,叼睛白额烈焰红唇的穆桂英。
还有,陈爸爸说了,偶得要是个姑娘,名字就改成陈偶然,我们家的香火事业就此打住了。如果偶得果真是个小子,我们就只要继续努力,造出个陈必然小妹妹。
陈妈妈别的不担心,就怕运气不顺,先出个偶得,再出个必得,到第三个就成了“怎么还不得?”
陈偶得觉得,你的三弟弟名字如果叫陈怎么还不得加问号,是不是有点过于不平常了呢?
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