吃得苦中苦,方为主持人
来源:微信 作者:六六 2014年06月25日
第一次做综艺节目嘉宾,很新奇。对方花了大价钱,头等舱来回,配专门艺人统筹,还允许我带助理一枚。如此高规格的接待,让我受宠若惊。
等做完第一次节目,觉得他们对我怎么好都不过分。原本以为耗脑力,去了才知道,这是燃烧绳命在做节目。我对孟非之类常年奋战在综艺行业的主持人感到大惑不解:是怎样的热爱与坚持,才能让他们年复一年,日复一日站在同一个舞台上而不显疲惫,还能不重复自己说绝了词典的话。
早上10点开始化妆。我眼皮快给化妆师给夹薄了,第一次卸妆睫毛就掉了一半。想起高健健说的,主持人这种凶残化妆方式,很快眼角就下垂。化完妆驱车一个钟头去录影棚。我到的时候,乐嘉已经在棚里串场了。毕竟是他的主场,我来打酱油。
说是两点开始,到三点通知我们要上场。因为紧张,从迈进影棚的刹那,我就有尿意。想着一趴故事也就20分钟,怎样都能忍到,便坐定。
试话筒,试灯光,试投票机。
满场活蹦乱跳的熊孩子,叽里哇啦不听招呼,一直到冲出一头幼师,一阵狮吼,孩子们才各就各位。
音乐起。
乐嘉背广告。
一遍,两遍,第三遍他自己和所有观众都笑趴。
只有我对他充满同情。那些广告词,毫无意义,还不能现编,一个字都不能错,他在后台,对主持内容的紧张,远不如广告词多。若换我主持,你们今天第一趴都来不及录,光看我磕磕巴巴念广告了。
第一趴,上嘉宾。
嘉宾张口没声音。忘试她的音了。退回,再来一遍。
放VCR,听嘉宾陈述,小盆友开始评判。
然后投票器被他们拍坏。现场修。
再重新来一遍。
投票。
一切正常,有小姑娘哭,说自己拍错了,要求重来。
鸡皮疙瘩四起,预感到上厕所不是眼前的事。
跟小朋友们对话。
驴唇不对马嘴。
我翻翻台本,汗就下来了。他们怎么讲的故事跟我手头拿的故事不是一回事?
小朋友台上开始吵架,还有互相踹的。
乐嘉脑门一层亮油。补妆。再补妆。
本来挺悲情的故事,被台上孩子们上不着天下不着地的评论把妈妈给逗乐了。
这戏没法演了!
全场即兴发挥,集体无意识跑题。
我能控制得了我的尿,我控制不了小孩的话。
乐嘉得费好大力气才把孩子们给绕回来。
好不容易第一趴录完,我扔下台本站起来刚想去厕所,听导演喊:准备!第二趴。
已经一个半小时过去了。
四趴完成以后才能去尿尿。四个半小时以后!!!!
这些孩子难道都穿纸尿裤了吗?
要不是紧张加端正的坐姿帮助我出一身汗,间接排了尿,我肯定已经昏死过去。
下半场开始之前的休息,我和乐嘉一样不进米水。怕麻烦。中间还得接受媒体采访。我看乐嘉不时撕一包药粉塞嘴里,声音弱到说不出,忍不住担心地问:“你是靠吸毒提气的吗?”他快被我气死:“营养粉!!”
我终于知道主持人为什么都这么瘦了,这些都是为工作需要不吃不喝不拉不撒的神兽!我若改行当主持人,无须管住嘴迈开腿,一天站个十几小时,又蹦又跳又哭又笑的,给我吃龙蛋也不会长肉啊!
我看看表,跟乐嘉说,你要注意,这都九点了,孩子马上就要困了,等下一时二刻无缝躺倒睡台上你就完蛋了。
乐嘉也忧心忡忡。
事实证明,我是那个要昏过去的人。孩子们到午夜还精神着呢!我们都累得不想说话了,人家还蹦跳着举手发言。
好不容易结束,我欢天喜地要离开,被通知要开总结会!!!同志们你们工作的动力从哪里来?我已经在台上笔直坐了7个小时了!
开完会,拍完宣传花絮坐一小时车回酒店。洗漱完毕已经半夜三点,明天早上10点准时化妆。我睡了个最近最完美的觉,感觉像死过去那么沉。所有矫情说失眠的,说什么跑步拉板车都不管用的,全送去当主持!
我以前跟人家说我写书呕心沥血,胖是我的职业病。现在才发现,上帝疼我,给我选了一样最轻松的工作。
第二天早上,周群赶来看我,我听她声音有些鼻塞,问她咋了,她说昨天录节目冻着了。棚里温度只有十几度,还要穿露肩夜礼服。我同情地说:“他们把温度打得低,是怕你妆花了。”
周群乐了,说,你真外行。他们把温度打得低,是怕机器温度高烧坏了。主持人是生产资料里最便宜的部分,你这分钟挂了,下一分钟就有人挤来接班。机器好贵的。
我哈哈大笑。
那一年我去剧组探班,看海清在人工浇的瓢泼大雨里一遍一遍摔倒,冻得瑟瑟发抖,摔得鼻青脸肿,哭得稀里哗啦,就觉得演员不是正常人的选择。且不说一年里不晓得背井离乡去几个山沟,还要忍受情感折磨,挣的都是辛苦钱。
现在又发现主持人也日子不好过。
那些看起来光鲜靓丽,轻轻巧巧,大富大贵的职业,背后有多少辛酸泪是你打着麻将喝着小酒抠着脚丫羡慕的时候看不见的。
不说别的,考察自己有没有出名的潜能,先憋泡足够大能当镜子照自己的尿试试。
(文章版权所有,媒体转载前请联系[email protected];题图取自互联网)
“微信:吃得苦中苦,方为主持人”上的157条回复
best antihistamine decongestant combo best generic allergy pills strongest over the counter allergy
prescription sleep medication online order sleep meds online
deltasone 10mg uk prednisone 20mg over the counter
painkillers easy on stomach purchase zyloprim online cheap
acne treatment prescribed by dermatologist purchase prednisone pill dermatologist approved acne treatment
abbreviation for acid blockers best medicine for stomach problems
order accutane 10mg sale order accutane 10mg for sale purchase absorica online cheap
amoxicillin 500mg uk buy amoxil medication amoxil 500mg drug
prescription sleep drug list modafinil over the counter
neurontin online order gabapentin pills
buy azithromycin 250mg for sale buy azithromycin 250mg for sale buy azithromycin paypal
furosemide buy online oral lasix
buy omnacortil 20mg generic buy prednisolone 20mg generic cheap prednisolone for sale
cheap amoxil online buy amoxicillin 1000mg generic buy amoxil 1000mg sale
buy generic monodox doxycycline 200mg drug
purchase amoxiclav pills buy generic augmentin for sale
cheap synthroid 100mcg order synthroid 100mcg for sale synthroid 75mcg price
buy levitra online cheap purchase levitra
clomiphene oral buy clomid generic clomid 100mg price
buy tizanidine online buy generic zanaflex over the counter tizanidine order online
deltasone 10mg us prednisone 20mg generic buy generic prednisone 5mg
rybelsus 14 mg us buy semaglutide buy rybelsus 14 mg for sale
accutane 10mg for sale buy generic accutane buy accutane 20mg without prescription
rybelsus 14 mg canada purchase semaglutide online cheap rybelsus medication
ventolin 2mg usa cheap albuterol ventolin 2mg inhaler
amoxicillin 500mg tablet buy amoxil 1000mg generic order amoxicillin 250mg pill
order zithromax 250mg generic order azithromycin 500mg pill buy azithromycin cheap
synthroid 75mcg ca levoxyl order levoxyl buy online
cheap generic prednisolone prednisolone generic cost prednisolone 10mg
buy generic clomiphene order clomiphene 100mg generic clomiphene oral
brand gabapentin 100mg buy gabapentin without prescription neurontin where to buy
order furosemide 100mg furosemide 40mg us order lasix pill
cost viagra 100mg viagra 100mg generic viagra tablet
doxycycline 100mg us doxycycline 200mg brand buy doxycycline 100mg
cost semaglutide buy rybelsus 14 mg online cheap semaglutide 14mg without prescription
best online casino real money play online blackjack for real money roulette online
levitra brand buy vardenafil 10mg online buy levitra 20mg for sale
lyrica 150mg brand buy lyrica online cheap lyrica cost
hydroxychloroquine pills where can i buy plaquenil order plaquenil without prescription
triamcinolone 4mg over the counter triamcinolone 10mg us triamcinolone 10mg over the counter
cialis 5mg usa cheap tadalafil 40mg buy generic tadalafil 5mg
purchase clarinex without prescription desloratadine for sale online order desloratadine 5mg for sale
cenforce 100mg cost buy cenforce 100mg online cenforce uk
claritin 10mg drug buy cheap generic loratadine buy generic loratadine online
order chloroquine 250mg without prescription buy aralen 250mg online cheap generic aralen
priligy 90mg drug order dapoxetine 30mg pill cytotec for sale online
xenical order online oral diltiazem 180mg purchase diltiazem online cheap
buy atorvastatin 40mg buy lipitor 40mg atorvastatin order
order acyclovir 400mg online cheap buy acyclovir 400mg for sale allopurinol tablet
buy norvasc generic order norvasc generic amlodipine where to buy
buy crestor generic buy crestor without prescription cheap zetia 10mg
prinivil price buy zestril 2.5mg without prescription lisinopril price
motilium over the counter purchase motilium online cheap tetracycline 500mg usa
omeprazole 20mg for sale buy omeprazole 10mg treat heartburn
buy generic flexeril 15mg order lioresal lioresal tablet
lopressor cheap order metoprolol 100mg metoprolol over the counter
buy generic toradol for sale order generic colcrys buy gloperba sale
buy tenormin 100mg pill buy cheap generic atenolol atenolol ca
depo-medrol sale purchase medrol online methylprednisolone 8 mg online
propranolol price buy generic clopidogrel online clopidogrel 75mg canada
need essay written academia writing buy a essay online
buy meloxicam 7.5mg online order generic mobic 15mg celebrex tablet
buy metoclopramide without a prescription buy generic cozaar 50mg cozaar 25mg us
buy esomeprazole pill buy topamax for sale cheap topiramate
buy generic flomax online celecoxib canada order celebrex 100mg pills
order zofran 8mg without prescription buy generic zofran for sale where to buy spironolactone without a prescription
dutasteride over the counter buy generic ranitidine online zantac online
zocor 10mg uk valtrex 1000mg cheap buy valtrex generic
buy propecia sale buy proscar 1mg pill diflucan usa
acillin where to buy acillin sale amoxicillin cost
how to buy baycip – order myambutol generic augmentin pills
order metronidazole 400mg generic – zithromax order online order zithromax generic
order ciplox without prescription – buy tindamax 300mg order erythromycin 500mg without prescription
buy generic valacyclovir over the counter – diltiazem ca buy zovirax 400mg without prescription
purchase metronidazole online cheap – brand terramycin buy zithromax online
buy furosemide pill diuretic – captopril without prescription order capoten 25 mg without prescription
order zidovudine pills – buy generic allopurinol online order zyloprim online
generic metformin 500mg – order generic bactrim order lincomycin 500 mg without prescription
order generic clozaril – accupril order buy pepcid 20mg without prescription
seroquel 50mg tablet – luvox pill buy eskalith medication
purchase hydroxyzine generic – purchase lexapro pill endep 10mg sale
order clomipramine 50mg for sale – order citalopram 20mg generic order sinequan 25mg for sale
brand amoxil – purchase axetil online cheap ciprofloxacin ca
buy augmentin – purchase linezolid ciprofloxacin without prescription
buy cleocin sale – chloramphenicol for sale buy chloromycetin medication
buy zithromax 500mg generic – order tinidazole 500mg online cheap ciprofloxacin online order
order albuterol inhalator online – purchase seroflo online cheap buy theo-24 Cr 400 mg
ivermectin drug – stromectol in canada order cefaclor 500mg capsules
order desloratadine 5mg generic – triamcinolone without prescription albuterol ca
methylprednisolone pill – medrol 16mg pills cheap astelin 10ml
order glyburide 2.5mg generic – order micronase 5mg online cheap dapagliflozin 10 mg brand
buy prandin 1mg for sale – repaglinide 2mg pills purchase empagliflozin
where to buy terbinafine without a prescription – griseofulvin online order order griseofulvin sale
rybelsus 14 mg sale – buy desmopressin buy desmopressin without a prescription
order ketoconazole generic – cheap sporanox 100mg order sporanox 100 mg generic
order digoxin without prescription – order irbesartan 300mg online lasix 40mg uk
buy famciclovir online cheap – order famciclovir generic order valcivir 500mg without prescription
order hydrochlorothiazide 25 mg generic – hydrochlorothiazide 25mg price order bisoprolol 10mg
order lopressor 50mg for sale – adalat 10mg over the counter purchase adalat without prescription
buy generic nitroglycerin for sale – diovan brand buy diovan 160mg generic
rosuvastatin pills squint – pravachol clear caduet pills intent
zocor now – simvastatin trail lipitor claw
viagra professional sooner – buy cialis professional reach levitra oral jelly stack
priligy master – levitra with dapoxetine painful cialis with dapoxetine conclusion
cenforce bat – brand viagra pills response
brand cialis dusk – penisole late penisole cottage
cialis soft tabs online hell – cialis oral jelly online cabin viagra oral jelly model
brand cialis alice – tadora devil penisole visitor
cialis soft tabs online savage – viagra super active online sofa viagra oral jelly online control
acne medication military – acne medication beat acne treatment unable
uti treatment marriage – uti medication warn uti antibiotics connect
prostatitis medications underneath – prostatitis treatment bolt pills for treat prostatitis never
valacyclovir impression – valtrex online panic valacyclovir stern
loratadine medication jug – loratadine clumsy loratadine medication slop
promethazine eager – promethazine hunter promethazine nick
ascorbic acid library – ascorbic acid sad ascorbic acid instance
fludrocortisone accustom – nexium affair lansoprazole pills overhead
clarithromycin attach – mesalamine pills horn cytotec pills feeling
dulcolax 5mg uk – buy dulcolax 5mg generic purchase liv52
buy cheap generic aciphex – order domperidone 10mg sale order motilium 10mg pills
bactrim tablet – keppra cost buy tobra no prescription
forxiga 10mg without prescription – forxiga 10mg cost order precose 50mg online
fulvicin online – lopid 300mg tablet order lopid 300mg generic
order enalapril 5mg generic – order vasotec 10mg without prescription order latanoprost
purchase dramamine – order dimenhydrinate 50 mg without prescription brand risedronate 35 mg
order feldene 20 mg sale – feldene 20mg drug order rivastigmine generic
monograph brand – purchase monograph generic pletal order online
purchase hydroxyurea generic – pentoxifylline order order methocarbamol 500mg sale
nootropil 800mg tablet – sustiva pills buy sinemet without a prescription
cheap norpace generic – cheap epivir 100 mg buy chlorpromazine 100mg online cheap
order depakote 250mg generic – aggrenox cheap order topiramate 100mg
cyclophosphamide canada – buy strattera 25mg pill order trimetazidine sale
flexeril uk – buy vasotec no prescription buy enalapril 5mg online cheap
ondansetron buy online – where to buy oxytrol without a prescription ropinirole drug
buy ascorbic acid 500 mg for sale – buy generic bromhexine order compro generic
durex gel online purchase – purchase durex condoms online cheap xalatan order
arava for sale – calcium carbonate over the counter order cartidin pills
rogaine usa – order rogaine generic propecia pills
verapamil 240mg canada – order diltiazem 180mg online tenoretic price
atorlip over the counter – buy lisinopril buy bystolic online cheap
buy lasuna pill – diarex canada order himcolin online
purchase gasex without prescription – generic gasex purchase diabecon sale
norfloxacin for sale – buy flutamide sale confido pills
buy speman generic – where to buy himplasia without a prescription finasteride over the counter
finasteride price – cardura order buy uroxatral 10mg without prescription
terazosin 5mg brand – buy flomax 0.4mg without prescription dapoxetine 90mg without prescription
order trileptal 600mg without prescription – cheap pirfenidone tablets order synthroid 75mcg pills
lactulose price – order duphalac online buy generic betahistine for sale
buy cyclosporine eye drops – imusporin where to buy gloperba sale
order besivance sale – buy generic sildamax order sildamax online cheap
purchase deflazacort – deflazacort tablet purchase brimonidine online cheap
order benemid 500 mg online – order tegretol generic order carbamazepine 400mg generic
order neurontin 600mg for sale – buy gabapentin 600mg for sale buy sulfasalazine paypal
mebeverine 135 mg for sale – buy cilostazol generic order cilostazol 100 mg sale
order generic celecoxib 100mg – order indomethacin 75mg capsule indocin capsule
rumalaya tablets – purchase rumalaya sale elavil 10mg price
oral diclofenac 100mg – diclofenac 50mg drug order aspirin online cheap