写给我家大姑娘
来源:联合早报 【四合院】 作者:六六 2012年09月10日
这个世界,本身就是丰富多彩立体多样的。有身残志坚不依靠他人也活得精彩让你仰慕的,也有好逸恶劳游手好闲不劳而获等天上掉馅饼的。
我男朋友秀才20岁的女儿独自出门去西塘旅行。这是她生平第一次单身旅游。秀才送给她的祝福是:“希望你有艳遇啊!”
小姑娘一路玩得愉快,在回上海到达南站后发生了一桩事,她向我们请教。她说有一个与她年纪相仿的男孩在南站求助,说钱包被偷了,请路人支持19元车票钱。姑娘由此及彼地感同身受了一下,顿时觉得应该帮助,她掏出钱包,找来找去,遗憾地对男孩说:“我没有零钱,只有100块。”男孩说:“没关系,我找给你。”姑娘愣了,说,你能找我钱,为什么不买回家的票?男孩说,我是差19元,不是连19元都没有。男孩随后找给她60元。姑娘走了几步,觉得不对,说,你该找我80元啊!为什么给60?男孩说,我还有个妹妹,她不好意思乞讨,我替她也要了。
姑娘信了走了。又走一段觉得不对劲,还是回去了,问男孩把给出去的钱要回来,说我只答应你19元,没答应40。男孩磨唧了半天,真退她20。
故事到这里就截止了,姑娘问我,你觉得这男孩是骗子吗?他要是骗子,我就被他骗了20元,我很难受;他要是真的丢了钱,我问他要回20元,没彻底帮到他,我还是很难受。
我笑了,跟姑娘说,你想一下故事的另一面:如果他真是骗子,因为你的怀疑,你少受了20元的骗;如果他真是需要帮助,你已经帮他一半了,只要再有一个人信他,他就可以回家了。
姑娘问我,那你觉得,他到底是骗子吗?
我说,这不重要。重要的是,这件事让你会思考了。如果你不单身出门,你永远都不会有机会遇到这样的事,让你做出独立的判断。但我想给你一些忠告:
第一,当你把钱给出去以后,就不要再追回了,即使你受骗,也要认账。原因是万一他不仅仅是骗子还是土匪或流氓,你损失的就不仅仅是这40元钱了。安全和你身体的健康这一生都比任何经济损失都重要。
第二,人这一生,不可能永不受骗。既然是一定的事,那受骗要趁早。因为你这个年纪,觉得40元是巨资,可你过几年工作了,你就不觉得这笔钱有多么大了,再过十几年,你只记得这件事,而不会在意那笔钱。一堂课只花40元,这男孩的收益其实比家教还要低。你如果一直生活在父母翅羽之下不独行世界,那么就非常有可能在你父母身体和精力都转弱的时候,你才有第一次受骗的机会,而那时候无论是钱财还是精神,这种损失都可能巨大到步入中年的你扛不住。不要怕被骗,只要每次被骗你都长进,学会判断。
第三,即使他受难是真的,你没有帮上他,也不必自责。因为帮助和慈善,是机缘巧合,是缘分。你不可能帮助每一个需要帮助的人,那些被你帮助过的人,说明与你有缘,而那些错过的人说明你们缘分还未到,一定会有其他的人施以援手。这和爱情是一个道理,不是每一个相遇的男女都会相爱,也不会你爱的人就一定爱你,能够在一起,是缘分,要珍惜。不能在一起,说明那个合适的人还在前面等你。
姑娘又问:“阿姨,你知道吗,报纸上说,有个磕头乞丐,一天的收入是8000元!如果磕得好是1万元!为什么会有那么多人上当?”
我答:这世界,一定有某些职业是高收入而且不合理。比方说违背道德审美的,比方说违法犯罪的。我们都知道贩毒有可能一夜暴富也有可能立刻正法;我们知道贪官可能身家上亿但更有可能夜不能寝。这样的职业,我们不会也不敢做;在我年轻的时候我就知道坐台小姐夜入3000,而我一年的工资可能才5000,但我也不会因为她们收入高而羡慕。乞讨这个职业,你哪怕知道日入万元,你肯去对每个人磕头吗?对于这些有风险,我们不敢做也不屑做的职业,他们踏入的那一天,其实就已经向我们示弱了。他们的钱,并不好挣。
还有一些职业,看起来很美,也很好挣,你可能挣不了,也不愿意。明星或公众人物,每天生活在聚光灯下,一举手一投足都被人评判,那些钱,买的不过是他们的自由。我的职业,看起来悠闲又自主,但你翻翻历史,这一行最终死于贫病交加或自杀的比率远远高于正常职业。我也是高危行业啊!
姑娘又问,那他们这些人为什么愿意选择这样没有自尊心,让人觉得很厌恶的职业呢?
我说,孩子,我很高兴,你每天有这么多问题在思考,我很高兴你的价值观在形成。这个世界,本身就是丰富多彩立体多样的。有身残志坚不依靠他人也活得精彩让你仰慕的,也有好逸恶劳游手好闲不劳而获等天上掉馅饼的;有天赋异禀却一事无成的,也有生而驽钝却一鸣惊人的,这个话题如果展开了去,将无穷无尽,但最终,你知道好坏,懂得进退,能够取舍,选择自己喜欢并骄傲的道路,坚持走下去,你这一生的幸福,才有保证。
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