白丽鹃同志在吗?
2009年12月18日
每天接到莫名其妙的电话,甚至半夜三点半会有人打电话来说:“我是某某杂志报社的记者,对不起,打扰您休息了,我这有紧急的事。。。”
邪门了,您既然知道打扰我休息了,为甚还要打?而且到我这的紧急事,基本我听完以后发现,没一桩紧急。
我以前是个笑脾气的人,最近也是给折磨烦了,听声音说是记者,赶紧挂。大家都不怕给人添麻烦的,而且我最近才发现,我国的媒体真应该精简改革了,全国怎么这么多媒体啊?大家都抢一块蛋糕,能不紧张吗?
我认为电视台只剩央视,报纸只剩人民日报,杂志只剩瞭望绝对是对名人的福利。人至少不八卦。
然后有一天,风向突然转了。
前儿上午接一电话,开口就是:“请问,白丽鹃同学在吗?我是你的前夫刘为民。。。”说完哈哈大笑。原来是高中同学。
昨儿又接一电话:“请问百丽鹃同志在吗?我是当代教育报你的领导。。。”说完又哈哈大笑,原来是老滕。他说,我叫你女骗子你不亏吧?不仅骗全国人民的感情,还骗人钱财,你都被告上法院了。朝阳区法院离我家很近,你要借住我那吗?你收到传票了吗?”
我答:“我倒是想。长这么大没见过传票,我需要公告地址让法院知道吗?不然怎么送达?”
老滕说:“我有预见性吧?谁能从认识你起,就叫你女骗子?”
我问他,你能预见我得诺贝尔文学奖吗?他说,这个倒是还没看见。
正开着车,接一电话:“是白丽鹃儿吗?我找你好苦啊!我是包青,我们都好几年的朋友了,我以前也不叫包青,我叫海清。。。”连我都狂笑不已。
网上写着文章,又接一电话:“白丽鹃,你个女骗子,啥时候还钱啊!你签我的可不止37万。人老虎一出事,都蹦出14个女的了,没道理你就欠一家吧!”我发小儿。我回她:“你大爷的!我车都给你顺去了,你还管我要钱啊?”她大笑说,那是封口费。她从外国回来,这两天把白丽鹃的车给拿走了。
CLEAN也调侃我:“外,白丽鹃,你得告回去。你一告她,我这又能上头条。你记得我早上出版子,你过晚上12点发新闻啊!”
王贵看我一进门,立刻鼓掌欢迎:“哟!白丽鹃回来了啊!今天骗得可好?”我立刻反唇相讥:“白丽鹃的爹,哼哼,估计也不是什么好鸟儿。”
晚上登录MSN,偶得爹突然跳出来喊:“知人知面不知心啊!我跟你睡了这么多年,不知你叫白丽鹃!我更不知你还有另一个丈夫刘为民!但我不奇怪,这就是你的为人!你什么事你干不出?你能读国际贸易大专,却糊弄家长赚孩子钱,你网上写文章,能混成者名作家,现在人家告诉我你有第二个丈夫,我也是觉得能够理解的。但你千万别告诉我你有第二个孩子啊!我养不起。”
我嗲嗲回他一句:“不要你养,刘为民会养的。谁拉的屎谁擦屁股。每个人擦干净自己的屁股,社会就干净了。社会之所以脏,就是因为每个人拉完了屎,还伸手擦人家干净屁股。你的干净屁股,又被人家擦上屎。”
偶得爹笑问一句:“你究竟有几个好屁股?”
我则答:“屁股呀屁股多美丽,好像天上星星数不清。”
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