丛林法则
2009年01月21日
偶得开学三周。前两周每天上学都高高兴兴的,看着像个大孩子,第一天起就不要人陪,妈妈走的时候摆摆手,妈妈接的时候扑上来,非常快乐的小孩,一切如超级妈妈预料的一样。
第三周开始闹学。早上不肯换衣服,不肯吃早饭,不肯去学校。跟保姆龇牙咧嘴掰扯。
我一看就知道学校出状况了,不外乎给老师批评了,要么就是给同学欺负了。上前一问,开始还扭捏不肯说呢。男同志,要面子,一般不太爱告状。比方说,男人在家打女人,女人就哭喊着家暴了。女人要是在家打了男人,男人一般都不作声。男人要是把女人非礼了,那就拘留了,女人要是非礼了男人,那是白非礼。
偶得开始不肯说,在我连哄带骗下,知道了,原来学校的阿林打他了。估计人家人高马大,下手不轻,偶得估摸着不是对手,内心有怯意,于是就有了畏学思想。你讨厌一个地方,往往是讨厌那里曾经发生的事和曾经得罪过你的人。
妈妈搂着偶得教他:下次阿林再打你,你吧唧一巴掌打回去,打得重重地,记得没有?
偶得爹在旁边听了不乐意了,说,怎么教我孩子呢?你不会跟他讲告诉老师啊?
我跟他讲:“你一边去,这个问题你不要管。”
我自己是幼儿园老师,我知道。一般每个班总有一两个爱戳事的淘气包,老师平日里会多加盯梢,但不可能10个小时都长他一个人身上。我作为老师不能教孩子下次他再打你,你一巴掌打回去。因为各个孩子情况不同,有些孩子天生体格弱小,力气不大,反击不当亏吃得更大。但我家偶得吃我那么多肉,那都是我三年多的投资,不能白吃了。再说了,男子汉大丈夫,这点小问题就折戟了,长大以后能干啥呀!
小时候心理上不能有被欺凌的阴影,这个我是知道的。很多性格的发展和心灵的创伤都是少儿时期留下的,因为那时候你没有足够的能力去解决。而那时候的烙印有可能伴随终身。
我小时候班上有个老留级生,大我们几岁,人高马大老爱欺负女孩子。我的发小每天早上在他交作业的时候都被他摸一下手,她心里那个难受啊!也是不想上学了。她爹跟她说,下次他再摸你手,你就BIA的一巴掌打回去。小丫头说,我不敢。她爹说,来,我们在家练好了你就敢了。老爹勇敢地贡献他的手给丫头做实验,直到一巴掌上去脆脆有声为止。第二天,发小如法炮制,反手一击,吓得男孩跟老师告状,说我发小打他。
还是那个家伙,天天在上课的时候玩我辫子,拉得我头发生疼。我也是害怕不敢反抗,跑去跟老师讲,老师顶多说他一句:“你不要摸六六辫子!”可人家该摸还是摸。那时候每天顶着一头乱发对我来说简直是天大的耻辱。也许其他人眼里没啥了不起,我都上升到被侵略被凌虐的程度了,终于有一天按奈不住天性的野蛮,上去一口咬住他的胳膊不松口,那个青紫啊,上课的时候他就哭了。我遭到老师一顿批评,人家家长还到学校不依不饶跟老师告状。
老师跑我们家来家访,跟我娘告状我的凶残。我娘当老师面批评了我两句。等老师转身一走,我娘拼命夸奖我:“咬得好!下次他再欺负你,你还咬他!”并犒劳我一个鸡腿。
后来没下次了。那个家伙绕着我走。
我和我发小的父母们就这样把我们俩训练成彪悍当代成功女性。她比我还牛叉,位居注明跨国公司高管。
我对儿童教育的研究并不能帮助我儿子免于被欺负的境地。关键时刻还得爹娘老子的那一套派用场。
说实话,我一直认为,小孩之间的打打闹闹压根不当真,也许今天阿林打他一巴掌,明天两个人又抱成团,这个就是儿童世界。但儿童世界也有丛林法则,也许我们看着特别不值一提的小事儿,他们便张皇着无法解决。
昨天早上,偶得去上学,保姆送的。偶得冲前面那个小孩的屁股就是一巴掌。
FE吓一跳,一把拉过偶得说,你干吗打人家呀!
偶得说:“妈妈讲的嘛,让我打他的。”
保姆问:“他是谁呀?”
“他是阿林啊!”
今天早上,偶得又高高兴兴去上学了,一扫过往几天的颓势,一巴掌而已,效果极其明显。
不过,等晚上回来,我还要教育他,人不犯我,我不犯人。下回,阿林打你的时候你才能还手,阿林高高兴兴前头走,你打他作甚?
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