老少趣
2008年09月27日
1.偶得爹在偶得娘面前炫耀。
“宝宝,爸爸在火车上跟你说的,田里长的,我们中国人每天吃的是什么呀?”
偶得毫不犹豫地答:“麦当劳。”
咣当。。。。。。。白教。那是麦子。还好都沾个麦。
2.急着出门,把午睡的偶得唤醒。左摇右摇,把他摇哭了,死活不睁眼。只好焦急绕圈等待:“醒了没有?醒了没有?”
偶得打个哈欠,揉揉眼睛说:“我还没睡好,等一下,等一下。还有一点点。”说完,把眼睛眯成一条缝,证明只有一点点了。趴着继续睡。
3.瘦人对胖人的嘲弄是天生的,不必教的。
偶得从不觉得自己瘦是耻辱,虽然他娘不这么认为。我认为把儿子养成现在这种歉收样儿,实在是家门不幸。每次带他出门,人家都会惊呼:“这么瘦的小孩!”看到我再惊呼:“这么胖的妈妈!”我多么希望有一天时光大逆转,颠倒个个儿。
某天电视里放儿童幼儿时期肥胖会造成终生肥胖,里面放了个小胖墩儿。偶得捂着嘴偷笑,终于忍不住冲到电视前,指着里面的婴儿说:“这是唐一宁!”唐一宁是我弟弟家的两个月的小宝贝,肥头大耳长势喜人。
我已经看出未来我们家的趋势,唐一宁会因为他的一身肉,而总被他表哥戏虐。
4.偶得天生嘴甜,会讨好人。但涉及到底线是寸土不让。
外婆最喜欢挑拨群众斗群众。总要偶得二选一。诸如:“奶奶家好还是阿布家好?”偶得会审时度势答:“阿布家好。”其实偶得在奶奶家,也是说奶奶家好,属于典型的墙头草两面倒。
外婆得意地呵呵笑。外婆还不甘心,我早评价过,说外婆是渔夫与金鱼里的渔夫老太婆,贪得无厌。她又问:“妈妈家好还是阿布家好?”偶得毫不犹豫地答:“妈妈家好。”
外婆生气地拿手指着小瘪三说:“每天好吃好喝喂你,心疼宝贝你,你妈都不给你吃不给你喝的,你还讲你妈好。你真是养不熟的小狗!”
5.外婆以填鸭法喂小孩。醒了就吃,吃了就哄睡。于是每次跟我炫耀,说偶得只要去她那里,都是长肉,回我这里都是瘦。我是另一种思维,期望他多玩些,消耗得多了,自然胃口大开。
那天偶得在外婆家床上跳,被外婆一把摁住:“别跳别跳!浪费营养。”
我大概从小就是这样给我妈养大的。
5.今天和翠花小A出去吃饭。小A看我们大人的椅子背上都罩一个防尘罩,把包罩在里面,估计一是防味道,二是防偷。小A见样,招呼服务员,给她把幼儿园小书包也罩上。服务员遵嘱。小A开始安心啃蛋糕。
小A刚两岁半。
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