疯话与实话
2007年011月30日
昨天夜里从外面回来，打了一辆车。司机很健谈，古今中外，远交近恶，战争和平无所不谈。我很好奇，问他，你曾是做什么职业的？
他于是开始了一段让我怅惋不已的历史追溯。
他曾经是战斗英雄，二炮的战士，打过自卫反击战，获得过奖章。而他的同学，曾经是尖刀连下来的，那个连最后只活了十三个人。经历过生死的人也经历了一生无数的坎坷，用他的话说，生不如死，而好死与赖活之间，让他踌躇不前。
正要提干，面临全国百万裁军；转业到纺织厂，遭遇纺织业减锭压产；国有资产转化为私企，工厂买断了他的工龄，他十几年的光辉与血汗被几千块钱做了总结。下岗，找工作，学开车，供养孩子上学。
他说，有时候，我真想报复这社会。我不懒，不馋，不怕吃苦，希望凭双手把日子过好，给老婆孩子一个好的生活。可现在，老婆病着，我不敢送她上医院，孩子们读了大学又分不到好工作，想读研，我不能说拒绝。我没有门路，不能给孩子谋好的职业，那些好的工作都要靠走后门塞钱有关系才谋得到。我有什么？几枚勋章和一张退伍证。现在送礼都不似从前，以前也许几瓶酒就行了，现在没几万人家都不会看你。他说，我把青春献给了党，留给自己烂摊子。………….
他说，这就是当年我誓死捍卫的信念，这就是我效忠的国家，这就是那些把生命奉献后留下的辉煌，一切与我无关。
他说的时候，热泪盈眶。
我无语。
他说，前两天，街道来收他的党费，三块。
他说，你们该发给我的低保180，已经被你们取消了，因为你们说我有工作，租了一辆车开，你们把属于我的钱发给有房有车自己开厂的人，因为他们能请得起你们吃饭。到收钱的时候，你们就想到我了。对不起，这三块钱，我现在只能买一两肉了，即使一两，我觉得吃到我肚子里也比吃到你们肚子里强，以后不要来找我收钱了。
他说，当年我誓死捍卫的国家，现在你发给我100万，我都不会去打仗，虽然我烂命一条。可在生命面前，我也是有尊严的，我绝对不会为那些我认为不值得我去牺牲的人卖命，我没有信仰了。
我的心，在暗夜里碎成钢化玻璃。
我甚至不敢安慰他，我没有资格。任何话我都觉得清浅。
他已经两个月没吃过肉了。
有时候觉得自己什么都不是，只会隔江唱唱后庭花。
所以，我的新书，名字叫妄谈与疯话。
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