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中国图书商报:双面胶：别把婚姻当作战场

 

双面胶：别把婚姻当作战场

作者：江筱湖　来源：中国图书商报

　　《双面胶》是本令人惊艳的小说。这之前，还从未见婆媳关系成为小说主题，也没见谁把婆媳关系所能造成的严重后果描绘得如此淋漓尽致乃至血肉模糊。
　　
　　《双面胶》讲述的是一个没有赢家的故事。文章一开头，有对恩爱的小夫妻。上海的妻子丽鹃柔美而爱撒娇，东北的丈夫亚平粗犷且恋家。他们之间，没有第三者，没有重大误会，没有病痛折磨，他们完全有可能“从此王子和公主过着幸福的生活”。故事的结尾，丈夫亲手杀死了妻子，而他们襁褓中的孩子，仿佛看得懂这人生最大的不幸，哭得格外凄厉和哀怨。
　　
　　是什么原因，让相爱的人如此不见容于对方，定要以死来结束彼此的联系？是什么原因，让原本幸福的生活变得一团糟，最终用鲜血和牢狱收场？难道婚姻不只是爱情的坟墓，还是生命的坟墓？
　　
　　悲剧的起因竟然只是——婆媳关系。
　　
　　由于双方家庭背景的差异，最初的生活习惯的不和谐，逐渐变得充满猜疑和警惕；又因为心里把对方视为分享甚至夺取自己儿子(丈夫)的爱的敌人，开始了背后指责直至正面冲突；最终刀兵相见，有你没我，相爱的人相互仇视，定要在这场战争中斩对方首级于马下。
　　
　　自己过着幸福生活的作家六六，写过网络上很有名的《王贵与安娜》，那是一个带着生活冷幽默的故事，这一次，她本也可以嬉笑怒骂地写成喜剧，但她没有。曾有做媳妇的网友看完了《双面胶》，评价说“这是一部难得的佳作，深刻地描绘出了一个美好的女子，是如何被封建的家庭所迫害的悲惨故事”，六六忍不住失笑——绝对不是，客观地说，应该是提醒大家，生活中，尤其是处理婆媳关系问题，该尽可能地淡化矛盾，别用对待阶级敌人的心态解决婆媳关系。
　　
　　两个人结婚，看似一道简单的算术1＋1，事实上，这1＋1与2的距离，却可能有千万里。做得好了，对方的父母变成你的父母，对方的家人变成你的家人，对方的荣辱便是你的荣辱，你们同心协力，1＋1可能远大于2。一旦处理不好，则1＋1很可能就是负数。婚姻是什么？肯定不是坟墓，也不是安乐窝，更不是战场，婚姻就像考场，婆媳关系问题是试卷上压轴的几道题之一，无论多机灵的人儿，都要小心翻船啊。
　　
　　六六向来不会把文字搞得一览无余、毫无蕴藉，所以《双面胶》的开头，真的是平安喜乐，满面春风。你以为会进入一个婆媳斗智然后热烈拥抱说“妈妈我错了”“孩子我也有错”的皆大欢喜的境地，却料不到情节的发展会一寸一寸地蚕食你善良的希望，让你眼睁睁地看着彼此的不满硬生生扩大，直到无法愈合。你绝望地发现，事情已经无法挽回，但又不能不承认，《双面胶》里每一个细节，在生活中都是极有可能发生的。交战的双方，都非十恶不赦的坏人，但他们共同制造了惨烈的悲剧。六六没有在前言大开婚姻讲堂，赫然地写一些诸如“婆媳关系是大问题，一定要好好处理婆媳关系，才能保证你的婚姻顺利”之类的箴言，她是希望读文字的人自己体会，毕竟，作家不是万能的老师，能从书中体会到什么，是读者自己的事情。
　　
　　婚姻的美满其实没有秘方，婆媳关系尤其如此。两个完全不沾边的独立个体，相互碰撞融合，基本上不存在绝对的对错，更不能动辄就要分出高下优劣。当你选择了婚姻，就不要想着保有自己百分百的独立和自由，不要试图去做类似“你要你妈还是要我”的选择给先生，连生养自己的父母都不爱的男人，其人品可想而知。同理，作为婆婆，从你成为母亲的第一天开始，就得清醒地意识到，有一天你的心头肉，要成为别人的丈夫。不要总觉得这个女人抢走了你的儿子，要感谢她让你的儿子快乐，陪他走以后你不能陪伴的路。
　　
　　也会有读者不赞同我的意见，她们或者认定媳妇是无辜的，婆婆简直是心理变态；或者归咎于丈夫太懦弱，根本不像个男人；又或者指认全都是媳妇的错，典型上海小市民作风……每个人从《双面胶》里读出的意义都不尽相同，但有一点是可以达成共识的：婚姻不是战场，谁都不是真理的化身，各退一步，海阔天空，步步紧逼，绝无赢家。

http://culture.china.com/zh_cn/reading/shuping/11022787/20051008/12720356.html

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