归去来兮
这几天,心中常涌起这样的冲动———–我要回国去!
出国六年,一切顺利,随着劳工的毕业和找到工作和孩子的降临,眼看着人生最辉煌的时刻就要到了。原本这一切都是我梦中勾勒的美景,突然即将实现,并没有狂喜,反而在很多时候盘算着,我们该回家了。
有这个想法是因为公婆。公婆自从知道我怀孕的喜讯,兴奋得在梦中都会笑醒,恨不能召告天下———-陈家有后啦!孩子在肚子里才装了四个月,老人们从四处收来的小衣服竟有上百件,每日的快乐就是把小衣服铺满床,一件一件摸来摸去,眉开眼笑,似乎都已经将大胖孙子或孙女抱在手里。
自怀孕起,我几乎天天越洋长途汇报身体状况。前日因为疲倦,没有打回家,到半夜12点,居然接到本该早已在梦乡的公公的电话,廖廖数句,就问问情况,今天吐了没有,吃了几两饭,吃了什么菜,一切都好吗?听说一切都好,便心安地去睡。
那日,婆婆在电话中告诉我,你爸现在经常自己一个人坐在沙发上笑,嘀咕说,我也要抱孙子啦!被婆婆戏谑为,从爸爸升上爷爷,整整奋斗了34年,比从讲师奋斗到教授难多了。
进而公公叹口气说,人到了我们这个年纪,名也有了,吃喝也不愁了,愁的就是健康。身边的几个年岁差不多的朋友,最近都传来不好的消息,有的得了淋巴癌,有的得了胃癌,朋友们在一个个地散去。于我,生死看得很淡,该来的迟早要来,坦然面对,再想到马上连孙子都要看到了,即便是明日让我撒手而去,我也可以闭眼了。
我的心咯噔一下,鼻子开始酸酸。
老人这一辈子都在为孩子付出。到老了,婆婆一听说我怀孕,便辞掉手头的工作,买了一张单程机票直奔过来等带孙子,并打算在这里安营扎寨,将十指不沾阳春水,衣来伸手的公公独自撇在中国。公公婆婆很少长时间分离,但这次意见却统一得很,公公坚决支持婆婆过来带孙子,认为替儿子媳妇分担是份内的责任。
公公这样盼望孙子,却在我们邀请他明年过年到新加坡来看宝宝的时候犹豫了,他的想法是,飞来飞去太伤钱,有这一笔,不如给孙子寄过来。“我不来了,你们常寄照片过来让我看就行了。我把钱省下来给你们汇过去。”
我于是知道,我的未来会在长久的牵挂中度过。如果婆婆带着我的孩子回中国,我的心就漂落在家乡,如果我带着孩子在新加坡,公婆就会望眼欲穿。
我不能把他们接过来住,因为新加坡这里不是福利国家,他们来了万一有个毛病什么的,花我们的钱会叫他们难受,而他们的医疗保险都在中国。另外就是公婆每次来时间不长都瘦许多,一是因为天气太热,二是对这里的环境不熟悉。家乡那个小城,有他们的朋友,同事,没事的时候通个电话,聚一聚,也让他们除了孩子孙子以外,还能有些自己的生活。
我跟劳工商量,要不,我们回去吧,你回大学教书,我在大学幼儿园呆着。混口安稳饭,一家人团团圆圆,互相有个照应。让老人在有生之年快快乐乐,儿孙环绕,幸福安康。
劳工说,让我想想。
我也要好好想想,把未来安排妥当。
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