有徒如此
CLAIRE
拿出作业本当着我面做作业。第一题:你喜欢什么样的礼物?
第二题:你的父母送给你什么样的礼物?
第三题:你希望你的同学送给你什么样的礼物?
她的学校这一章在学习中文礼仪社交。其中学了不少礼物的词汇,过生日的聚会和中国人送礼物的禁忌等等。
CLAIRE大声读出来,一个字不错,完了拿起笔,都不带征求我意见地就径直写上:我喜欢钱,我的父母送给我钱,我希望我的朋友和同学送给我钱作为圣诞礼物。
我当场晕倒。
但我不能说她写错了,于是拿起橡皮一边替她小心擦去,一边面带虚伪笑容,非常善意地提醒她:“你要不要换个说法?比如说,我喜欢书,我喜欢布娃娃,我喜欢笔记本之类的?”
她想了一下,果断拒绝我,不给一点面子:“不好。”
我说:“亲爱的,钱这东西,谁都喜欢,但如果作为礼物,就显得有些缺少心意。礼物是你精心挑选的,给对方的一个惊喜,而且,如果直接说你不如送我钱吧,显得太。。。。。。。太直接了当了。我觉得还是换个比较委婉的说法。”
CLAIRE很认真地说:“如果老师问我会送同学什么礼物,我也许会说书什么的,但如果是问我希望收到什么礼物,我既然想收到钱,我就要说钱。否则我说假话,说喜欢书,大家送我一堆垃圾书,都是我不喜欢的,而我不得不假装惊喜地拥抱着她们说谢谢,那不是很糟糕?”
这个小家伙很不好对付,她是将进TEEN-AGER的年龄,刚刚10岁,但因为读书比较多,很有想法和见地,不太好糊弄。而且很少按照我的意见行事,确切地说,是比较不给我面子。
我说,既然这章说的是中国的礼仪和风俗,那么,我就谈谈中国人的习惯。中国人比较客套,客套的意思是,不直接表达自己的想法。有个笑话,却很典型,代表了中国人的社交思维,说的是,有个远方的亲戚千里迢迢跑到城里,告诉城里的主人说,今年村里庄稼长得很壮实,孩子们身体都健康,家禽家畜都很兴旺等等等等,最后加一句,你的父亲让我来通知你,你母亲病逝了,等你回家奔丧。
CLAIRE 冲我睁大眼睛,说,还有这种REDICULOUS的事情?我说,这是笑话啦,有些夸张,但总体上,我们总是说些好听的,说些赞美的话,最后才将缺点和不足非常小心,不引起别人不舒服的方式提出。比方说,这次考试你考得很好,得了第一名,你不能很骄傲地对别人说,我很聪明,我又考了第一。你得说,这次我碰巧又考得很好,首先是老师教得好,其次是同学们的帮助,第三是恰巧所有的题目我都看过了。也就是说,即便是非常得意,你不能溢于言表,非常悲伤要适度掩盖。不让别人读出你的真实想法,怎么说呢,这应该是中国的“中庸之道”?
CLAIRE,你说你喜欢钱,这话太直接了。你要钱做什么?不过是希望买一些自己喜欢的事情,你不如索性把你喜欢的东西直接列出来,比方说书的名字或某种特定的游戏,这样会比直接要钱好好得多。
CLAIRE想了想说:”我要钱,是要存起来。也许将来某一日我会用到。WHO KNOWS?“
她的想法很奇怪,不太象个孩子。
她说,从小到大,所有大人给的钱她都一分一分攒起来,从不乱花,等够了一个整数就存进银行里,现在已经有好几千新币了。
她笑着说:“我妈妈说我象CHINESE。这个不是贬义,这个是褒义,你知道,CHINESE因为会存钱而出名。我弟弟就象AMERICAN。他总是把手里的钱都用完了,然后找妈妈借,每次借了签一个欠条,说等他长大挣钱了一起还。”
我很好奇,问,你弟弟花钱买什么了?
CLAIRE说,弟弟在妈妈生日的时候把钱拿出来给妈妈买了双很漂亮的鞋子,妈妈很高兴,不过,过两天他哭着跟妈妈说他没钱买游戏卡了,因为钱被妈妈花掉,于是只好跟妈妈贷款。
我大笑。的确很美国做派。
我问:“你给妈妈什么礼物呢?”CLAIRE很不好意思地笑着说:“我每年都自己画一张画送给妈妈,不花钱的。”
两个孩子,迥异的性格,有趣。
CLAIRE在本子上我刚擦去的空白处又补回了几个“钱”字,叹口气跟我说,老师,我在索要礼物方面要做个美国人,我在存钱方面,要做个中国人,我已经决定了。
我仔细想想,决定保留孩子独特的个性。我只能告诉她我知道的,至于路的走法,得靠她自己选择,因为通向广场的路不止一条。
而这世界,就因为这么鲜明而多彩的性格,才分外妖娆。
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