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有徒如此

 

有徒如此

CLAIRE拿出作业本当着我面做作业。

第一题：你喜欢什么样的礼物？

第二题：你的父母送给你什么样的礼物？

第三题：你希望你的同学送给你什么样的礼物？

她的学校这一章在学习中文礼仪社交。其中学了不少礼物的词汇，过生日的聚会和中国人送礼物的禁忌等等。

CLAIRE大声读出来，一个字不错，完了拿起笔，都不带征求我意见地就径直写上：我喜欢钱，我的父母送给我钱，我希望我的朋友和同学送给我钱作为圣诞礼物。

我当场晕倒。

但我不能说她写错了，于是拿起橡皮一边替她小心擦去，一边面带虚伪笑容，非常善意地提醒她：“你要不要换个说法？比如说，我喜欢书，我喜欢布娃娃，我喜欢笔记本之类的？”

她想了一下，果断拒绝我，不给一点面子：“不好。”

我说：“亲爱的，钱这东西，谁都喜欢，但如果作为礼物，就显得有些缺少心意。礼物是你精心挑选的，给对方的一个惊喜，而且，如果直接说你不如送我钱吧，显得太。。。。。。。太直接了当了。我觉得还是换个比较委婉的说法。”

CLAIRE很认真地说：“如果老师问我会送同学什么礼物，我也许会说书什么的，但如果是问我希望收到什么礼物，我既然想收到钱，我就要说钱。否则我说假话，说喜欢书，大家送我一堆垃圾书，都是我不喜欢的，而我不得不假装惊喜地拥抱着她们说谢谢，那不是很糟糕？”

这个小家伙很不好对付，她是将进TEEN-AGER的年龄，刚刚10岁，但因为读书比较多，很有想法和见地，不太好糊弄。而且很少按照我的意见行事，确切地说，是比较不给我面子。


我说，既然这章说的是中国的礼仪和风俗，那么，我就谈谈中国人的习惯。中国人比较客套，客套的意思是，不直接表达自己的想法。有个笑话，却很典型，代表了中国人的社交思维，说的是，有个远方的亲戚千里迢迢跑到城里，告诉城里的主人说，今年村里庄稼长得很壮实，孩子们身体都健康，家禽家畜都很兴旺等等等等，最后加一句，你的父亲让我来通知你，你母亲病逝了，等你回家奔丧。

CLAIRE 冲我睁大眼睛，说，还有这种REDICULOUS的事情？我说，这是笑话啦，有些夸张，但总体上，我们总是说些好听的，说些赞美的话，最后才将缺点和不足非常小心，不引起别人不舒服的方式提出。比方说，这次考试你考得很好，得了第一名，你不能很骄傲地对别人说，我很聪明，我又考了第一。你得说，这次我碰巧又考得很好，首先是老师教得好，其次是同学们的帮助，第三是恰巧所有的题目我都看过了。也就是说，即便是非常得意，你不能溢于言表，非常悲伤要适度掩盖。不让别人读出你的真实想法，怎么说呢，这应该是中国的“中庸之道”？

CLAIRE，你说你喜欢钱，这话太直接了。你要钱做什么？不过是希望买一些自己喜欢的事情，你不如索性把你喜欢的东西直接列出来，比方说书的名字或某种特定的游戏，这样会比直接要钱好好得多。

CLAIRE想了想说：”我要钱，是要存起来。也许将来某一日我会用到。WHO KNOWS？“

她的想法很奇怪，不太象个孩子。

她说，从小到大，所有大人给的钱她都一分一分攒起来，从不乱花，等够了一个整数就存进银行里，现在已经有好几千新币了。

她笑着说：“我妈妈说我象CHINESE。这个不是贬义，这个是褒义，你知道，CHINESE因为会存钱而出名。我弟弟就象AMERICAN。他总是把手里的钱都用完了，然后找妈妈借，每次借了签一个欠条，说等他长大挣钱了一起还。”

我很好奇，问，你弟弟花钱买什么了？

CLAIRE说，弟弟在妈妈生日的时候把钱拿出来给妈妈买了双很漂亮的鞋子，妈妈很高兴，不过，过两天他哭着跟妈妈说他没钱买游戏卡了，因为钱被妈妈花掉，于是只好跟妈妈贷款。

我大笑。的确很美国做派。

我问：“你给妈妈什么礼物呢？”CLAIRE很不好意思地笑着说：“我每年都自己画一张画送给妈妈，不花钱的。”

两个孩子，迥异的性格，有趣。

CLAIRE在本子上我刚擦去的空白处又补回了几个“钱”字，叹口气跟我说，老师，我在索要礼物方面要做个美国人，我在存钱方面，要做个中国人，我已经决定了。

我仔细想想，决定保留孩子独特的个性。我只能告诉她我知道的，至于路的走法，得靠她自己选择，因为通向广场的路不止一条。

而这世界，就因为这么鲜明而多彩的性格，才分外妖娆。

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