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两家诡异的小吃店

 

两家诡异的小吃店

今天生病了，可以在家里乱讲。否则一定要去为资本家搏命。

生病是食物中毒。昨天去一家上课。那附近没任何小吃店，只俩小摊子。一摊是个手藏杀茧的善面老妇，另一摊是个貌似愚钝实为奸诈的笑面老虎。

我必须在上课之前果腹，否则等一应课都结束，已经月明星稀，再进食就是毁我减肥大计。所以，我必须在这两个杀人不见血，吃肉不吐骨头的店主前做出选择。

我不选老妇，原因是上一刀宰得太深，伤口过了个把月都没好，到现在回眸处似有鲜血渗出，新长的肉还疤疤赖赖叫我不忍看。

一个月前，我先选的老妇家的羊肉汤。谗言媚语这东西，谁都知道顺耳不利行，可一到那当口就因为一时耳根发热而忘记了。

那天，我刚一脚踏进她家店50步以内的范围，她就摇着鸡皮样的手冲我微笑，由衷赞叹到：“你看你，小肚子一点都没有，一看就知道整天锻炼的。身材不要太好啊！”我绝对有自知之明，如果将我从人群中剥离出来打分，我的身材一定徘徊在55%。意思是不及格，而且我已经很久不锻炼了，胳膊都出了蝴蝶袖，可我还是被老太太吹得心花怒放，很豪爽地就点了她家的一个羊肉汤。她好心问我，配饭还是配面？我看看她的饭，感觉有点陈。如果是老酒那是好事，如果是饭，就不行。再看看她的面，碱太大。于是我很错误地选择了炒果条。

老太太收到这个冤大头 的大定单，赶紧在灶头忙活。先是从案板下面掏出一个只有奶锅大小的摔得不见形状的铝锅，沿着锅底使劲剐啊剐，叮当的声音让我怀疑她把所有的铝锈都刮进去了——-然后端上一碗糟糊糊，黑沉沉的汤，里面隐约看见有桂皮生姜大料等等等等，不见一星羊肉。

尝一口，实在难以下咽，满口给甘蔗渣子又刷了层蜜的感觉。

老太太笑眯眯坐我身边看我，使劲往我身边推碗——–“全部喝掉，一口都不要剩。我这汤很补的，都是药材。”我面上挂着尴尬的笑，问：“肉呢？”老太太理直气壮地回答，我吃了啊！

啊？

她说：“我这里卖的是羊肉汤啊！是汤啊！不是肉。肉我烧完了就捞出来吃了。

明白了，原来我喝的不过是老太太的口水。

过一会又端出一盆炒得烂糟糟的果条。我一口都咽不下。我在人里面，我就不强调说是女人了。我在人里面，是不挑食的典范，饿得时候啥都能吃，也不太讲究口味。以前我就自嘲说，即便遇到地震，我也是能坚持活到最后的人，原因是为了活命，我可以将一切道德及饮食教条都暂放，我不挑剔。

那天，这两样我都没怎么动。我只能说，我还不是很饿。

老太太不高兴了，收了我8块。

一顿午饭，8块。在新加坡的概念是，我可以在一个非常大的商场里，坐在有空调有音乐有人服务的大餐馆里很惬意地享用一菜一汤外加甜品。

我忍痛掏了。掏得不情不愿。有上当受骗的感觉。我可以做慈善，看老人家也许80高龄了还在谋生活，进而主动捐献10块。但我不能在她温柔的微笑外带马屁之下被迫掏钱。前者是我的同情与怜悯，显示我具有很好的即便是伪善的同情心。而后者，有点道高一尺魔高一丈的感觉。我都三十了，居然被一80的老太太糊弄了。

出了那家店，就发誓再不进了。

但饭还是要吃的。下次再去，就选另一家带着有些憨厚微笑的年轻男子的店里去吃杂菜饭。

那个汉子的确有点不灵光。原因是，每次我在他那里买饭，已经4次了，次次都找错钱。比方说，他说两块8，我给四块，他就找我2块二。我于是还得好心地退他一块。第二次为方便他，我给五块，他又递给我三块二，再好心地退他1块。昨天那次，我特地凑了两块八的零钱去买，结果他突然跟我说：”我不太会算啊，所以我最近提价了，要三块一份。“当场晕了，再从口袋里找出10块给他，他问我，我该给你7块对吧？我说没错。然后他从罐子里掏出一张五块，一张两块，如释重负地交到我手。

我没走。

他不太自信，问，这是7块啊！

我说，是的，但你得把刚才我给你的两块八还我。

然后就很复杂了，他怎么都凑不出两块八，最后把他的钱罐子交给我。

我一点都不同情他，相反很倾慕。原因是，他并没有因此而站在街边伸着手乞讨，却自营个小铺子。对自食其力的人，我总是很尊重。

虽然他的饭实在是难吃，鸡肉象柴火，蔬菜象脱过水。上一次已经吃过一次肉有点臭了。我说过我不挑剔，因为他就站在我身边，我硬着头皮吃完了，过后还给他个微笑说：”吃饱了，很不错。“上次我比较幸运，一点事没有。

这周比较惨。

我有点感冒症状，味蕾也略麻木，没吃出肉有什么不对。

但，昨天晚上半夜起，就开始腹如刀绞，大汗频出。
然后就是奔厕所。一趟一趟，先把一包刚开封的纸用完了，又不停地开始用水，原因是感觉身体不见阳光的肌肤比较幼嫩，经不起反复摩擦，那种痛楚已经盖过了肚子疼。

后半夜开始发烧，体温计直奔38度2。

我绝对是命硬的。不算温室里的花朵。早上起来，烧居然退了。我打算空腹一天，清清肠胃。

这两家诡异的小店，我以后再也不去了。一个是阎王扮小鬼，一个是千年妖怪装糊涂。

“两家诡异的小吃店”上的256条回复

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Balanset-1A: Revolutionary Mobile Balancer & Vibration Analyzer
Modern Dynamic Balancing Solution
Balanset-1A represents an groundbreaking solution for vibration correction of rotors in their own bearings, created by Estonian company Vibromera OU. The device delivers professional equipment balancing at €1,751, which is substantially less expensive than traditional vibration analyzers while preserving exceptional measurement accuracy. The system allows on-site balancing directly at the equipment’s working position without requiring removal, which is critically important for preventing production downtime.
About the Manufacturer
Vibromera OU is an Estonian company concentrating in the creation and manufacturing of instruments for technical diagnostics of industrial equipment. The company is established in Estonia (registration number 14317077) and has offices in Portugal.
Contact Information:

Official website: https://vibromera.eu/shop/2/

Technical Specifications
Measuring Parameters
Balanset-1A delivers high-precision measurements using a dual-channel vibration analysis system. The device measures RMS vibration velocity in the range of 0-80 mm/s with an accuracy of ±(0.1 + 0.1?Vi) mm/s. The working frequency range is 5-550 Hz with optional extension to 1000 Hz. The system supports rotational speed measurement from 250 to 90,000 RPM with phase angle determination accuracy of ±1 degree.
Operating Principle
The device employs phase-sensitive vibration measurement technology with MEMS accelerometers ADXL335 and laser tachometry. Two single-axis accelerometers measure mechanical oscillations proportional to acceleration, while a laser tachometer generates impulse signals for calculating rotational speed and phase angle. Digital signal processing includes FFT analysis for frequency analysis and proprietary algorithms for automatic calculation of corrective masses.
Full Kit Components
The standard Balanset-1A delivery includes:

Measurement unit with USB interface – primary module with built-in preamplifiers, integrators, and ADC
2 vibration sensors (accelerometers) with 4m cables (optionally 10m)
Optical sensor (laser tachometer) with 50-500mm measuring distance
Magnetic stand for sensor mounting
Electronic scales for precise measurement of corrective masses
Software for Windows 7-11 (32/64-bit)
Plastic transport case
Complete set of cables and documentation

Performance Capabilities
Vibrometer Mode
Balanset-1A works as a full-featured vibration analyzer with capabilities for measuring overall vibration level, FFT spectrum analysis up to 1000 Hz, measuring amplitude and phase of the fundamental frequency (1x), and continuous data recording. The system offers visualization of time signals and spectral analysis for equipment condition diagnostics.
Balancing Mode
The device supports one-plane (static) and dual-plane (dynamic) balancing with automatic calculation of corrective masses and their installation angles. The unique influence coefficient saving function enables considerable acceleration of follow-up balancing of identical equipment. A dedicated grinding wheel balancing mode uses the three-correction-weight method.
Software
The user-friendly program interface offers step-by-step guidance through the balancing process, making the device accessible to personnel without specialized training. Key functions include:

Automatic tolerance calculation per ISO 1940
Polar diagrams for imbalance visualization
Result archiving with report generation capability
Metric and imperial system support
Multilingual interface (English, German, French, Polish, Russian)

Usage Domains and Equipment Types
Industrial Equipment
Balanset-1A is efficiently employed for balancing fans (centrifugal, axial), pumps (hydraulic, centrifugal), turbines (steam, gas), centrifuges, compressors, and electric motors. In production facilities, the device is used for balancing grinding wheels, machine spindles, and drive shafts.
Agricultural Machinery
The device provides particular value for agriculture, where reliable operation during season is vital. Balanset-1A is used for balancing combine threshing drums, shredders, mulchers, mowers, and augers. The possibility to balance on-site without equipment disassembly permits preventing costly downtime during peak harvest periods.
Specialized Equipment
The device is effectively used for balancing crushers of various types, turbochargers, drone propellers, and other high-speed equipment. The RPM frequency range from 250 to 90,000 RPM covers practically all types of industrial equipment.
Benefits Over Alternatives
Economic Value
At a price of €1,751, Balanset-1A delivers the functionality of devices costing €10,000-25,000. The investment recovers costs after preventing just 2-3 bearing failures. Cost reduction on outsourced balancing specialist services totals thousands of euros annually.
Ease of Use
Unlike complicated vibration analyzers requiring months of training, mastering Balanset-1A takes 3-4 hours. The step-by-step guide in the software allows professional balancing by personnel without specific vibration diagnostics training.
Portability and Independence
The complete kit weighs only 4 kg, with power supplied through the laptop’s USB port. This enables balancing in field conditions, at remote sites, and in inaccessible locations without separate power supply.
Universal Application
One device is adequate for balancing the broadest spectrum of equipment – from small electric motors to large industrial fans and turbines. Support for one and two-plane balancing covers all typical tasks.
Real Application Results
Drone Propeller Balancing
A user achieved vibration reduction from 0.74 mm/s to 0.014 mm/s – a 50-fold improvement. This demonstrates the exceptional accuracy of the device even on small rotors.
Shopping Center Ventilation Systems
Engineers successfully balanced radial fans, achieving decreased energy consumption, eliminated excessive noise, and extended equipment lifespan. Energy savings paid for the device cost within several months.
Agricultural Equipment
Farmers note that Balanset-1A has become an indispensable tool preventing costly breakdowns during peak season. Reduced vibration of threshing drums led to reduced fuel consumption and bearing wear.
Pricing and Delivery Terms
Current Prices

Complete Balanset-1A Kit: €1,751
OEM Kit (without case, stand, and scales): €1,561
Special Offer: €50 discount for newsletter subscribers
Volume Discounts: up to 15% for orders of 4+ units

Acquisition Options

Official Website: vibromera.eu (recommended)
eBay: certified sellers with 100% rating
Industrial Distributors: through B2B channels

Payment and Shipping Terms

Payment Methods: PayPal, credit cards, bank transfer
Shipping: 10-20 business days by international mail
Shipping Cost: from $10 (economy) to $95 (express)
Warranty: manufacturer’s warranty
Technical Support: included in price

Conclusion
Balanset-1A stands as an optimal solution for organizations striving to deploy an successful equipment balancing system without major capital expenditure. The device democratizes access to professional balancing, enabling small enterprises and service centers to deliver services at the level of large industrial companies.
The mix of accessible price, ease of use, and professional functionality makes Balanset-1A an essential tool for modern technical maintenance. Investment in this device is an investment in equipment stability, reduced operating costs, and increased competitiveness of your enterprise.

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