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猫氏物语

我的心头肉

 

我的心头肉

我马上要回国休假一个月.

原本是满开心的事情,就因为我家的咪咪,闹得我走得不情不愿.我还不敢跟我娘讲我不想回去,因为家里有只咪咪.我若讲了,我娘得火冒八丈,骂我没良心的东西,娘两年不见不打紧,咪咪一个月不见就担心.

我娘不该怪我,原因是,娘离了我能过,咪咪离了我怕是小命难保.

小东西很不独立,都已经是最少5个月大的成人咪了,老把自己当BABY,一见到我就恩呀叫着往怀里钻,我现在在这里打字,他就躺在我的腿上捉自己的尾巴玩,经常会稍不留神动作猛些就一个跟头滚下去,把头摔得咕噔咕噔响,然后吓的叽里咕噜连滚带爬钻进沙发底下,好象是别人在谋害他一样.

小东西给我惯坏了,什么都要吃新鲜的.就跟独生子女一样,不知道抢食的.他喜欢吃的,今天留在那里,明天还留在那里,一点都不担心下顿.以前我跟他合作吃虾,我吃肉,他吃头,皆大欢喜.结果有天我多事,分了一只虾给小家伙吃,他吃出味道了,从那以后不满足了,再不屑吃头.把我掰给他的头用嘴巴拱到一边表示轻蔑,索性绝食.我这个当娘的拗不过他,只好从此掉转方向,他吃肉,我吃头,还是皆大欢喜.

那天到巴刹去吃饭,正啃着鸭头,来了只野咪咪,咽着口水瞪着桌子上的骨头.我将啃过的骨头丢给他,他吃得那个贪婪啊,连骨头渣都没剩,看得我辛酸,索性不吃了,把剩下的连肉带骨头都丢给野猫猫,然后感慨,咪咪呀,有妈的孩子是个宝,真不敢想象你那样刁钻的,出了门会不会等人家的口水吃.

咪咪特别会装可怜.这一向新加坡热得出奇,家里开始开空调了.不敢把他关空调房间里,怕他拉屎尿尿.好不容易养成的”双规”(在规定时间和规定地点内如厕)怕这一关门把他的好习惯给破坏了.于是,开空调关门前,就要哄他,”咪咪呀,妈妈太热了,要凉快会,你自己玩一会好不好?”他答应的爽快,好是好了,可我一关上门,他就开始闹着要进来,趴在门口叽歪,声音不大,但听着叫人心疼,好象被遗弃了一样,虽然就遗弃在自家书房的门外.

再把他放进来,跟他讲,”咪咪呀,妈妈要写点东西,你不要捣乱,进来了就不要闹着出去,但如果要上厕所了,你告诉妈妈,不要拉在房间里好不好?”他答应得还是爽快,可没两分钟又闹着出去,就那么站在门边的沙发上望着你叫,还叫得频率特快,感觉上尿急,甚至拿爪子去挠门把手,就差拧开了.吓得我也不记得自己要写什么了,赶紧抱他跑到厕所.

真到了尿盆边上,他跟没事人一样,四处乱逛逛,或者抱着我的脚丫乱啃.气得我骂他:”以后不许进来!你捣蛋!”他还跟我回嘴:”没~~~~~!”

一晚上他就玩这个游戏,进来了出去,出去了进来,乐此不疲.

晚上我累了,要睡了,他也玩倦了,躺在我身边一宿一宿不醒.有时候饿了,就爬到我耳朵边亲亲,跟我约定个暗号,咬耳朵三下就是要鱼鱼.

我就那么一夜起身数次地去喂小祖宗,累得筋疲力尽.跟养个孩子不差些许.

这要回国了,我担心得不行.谁来照顾小东西呢?曾想过把他送到朋友家寄养一个月,都嘱咐好了每天注意事项,还特地周六带他去适应环境,哪里晓得小东西从进人家大门起就躲在沙发下面不出来,好不容易揪出来,身上抖得跟筛糠一样,小爪子一把抓住我死活不放,顺着我脊梁往头顶上爬,新衣服给勾出了好几个洞.甚至在我去人家洗手间上厕所的时候,他也一步不离,很死皮赖脸地硬要挤进去,满脸渴望地看着我.

朋友在外面训斥他:”女厕所啊!你怎么能进去!你都是男人咪咪了!”

我只好给宝宝解嘲,没关系,儿子,多大都是小孩子,不算流氓.

我只好抱回来,而且自那以后再不提把宝宝寄养到朋友家的事情.

于是又突发奇想,盛情邀请一个单身的朋友那个月住在我这里,免费上网,免费住宿,还提供饮料和食物,条件是替我照顾咪咪.

“你家猫难不难带?””一点不难带!好干净的!整天自己洗来洗去.大小便也不要你管,你每天倒一次尿盆就行了.””他吃什么?””我准备好鱼,虾,罐头,炼乳,酸奶和蛋糕,每样每天各喂两次.”

“你讲什么?你家猫猫吃这么好?要不,我到你家当猫算了.我这整天这样奔波,连口热饭都吃不上,真是,人比畜生气死人!”

就因为他这一句话,我又动摇了.

他喊我家猫猫畜生.畜生那是骂人的话,他怎么可以用在我家宝贝身上?

我看他对我家咪咪是不会有感情的.

我家咪咪很多愁善感,是只细腻猫,不仅仅求温饱就满足了,还要感情的交流.他一定不会没事的时候就抱着咪咪亲亲,跟咪咪谈心,还有在咪咪冲着窗口向外望的时候,放一首适合咪咪心情的思乡歌曲.

这个月,真叫我挠头皮.
 
 
 
劳工原本收留咪咪,是熬不过老婆如水晶般珍贵的眼泪.

我的眼泪真比水晶珍贵多了,劳工以前叫我石头,无论他怎么气我,就是不红眼圈,我自嘲是上网太多缺乏睡眠得了干眼病.

但为了收留这只咪咪,我那几天哭成个小泪人儿,叫劳工怪稀奇的.看老婆多年不掉一滴眼泪的份上才收留的咪咪.

不过才几个月下来,劳工对宝贝的态度已经有了180度的转变,让我坚信男人一旦有了孩子,比女人还细腻.

劳工经常趴在地上到处叫宝宝的名字,然后做根竹竿,上面钓了个塑料鱼逗宝宝开心.有时候我被宝宝闹烦了,不理他的无理取闹,让他蹲在门口睡觉就不放他进来,但若被宝宝爸爸看见了,就要抓住我猛批,还替宝宝求情,说,他怪可怜的,你放他进去啊!

宝宝闯祸无数,诸如把爸爸的笔记本电脑键盘上一个键给抓掉了.爸爸拿根胶带缠上,继续用,连责怪都没有的.

宝宝那天在桌子上跳来跳去,够上面的一根绳子玩,好不容易够到了拽下来,啪嗒一声响,原来绳子上面栓的是新买的数码相机.宝宝惊得四处跳着脚到处乱逃.爸爸一面追着安慰他,一面骂妈妈:”你看你!东西到处乱放!砸着咪咪!”

我的天!真没天理了!幸亏没孩子,不然我在家的地位要直落三丈,次于小宝宝和咪宝宝.我问他,你讲不讲理?他不吱声,只闷头笑.

那天带宝宝出去散步,散到一半,宝宝脑筋短路了,藏在树丛里死活不出来,宝宝爸爸很不顾脸皮地趴在草丛里长一声短一声地叫.无论怎么哄,宝宝都不为所动.却见爸爸又是拍树丛,又是伸手够,半个身子都钻进去了.

我火上来了,掉头就走,大声吓唬宝宝,”不理他!养不熟的野猫!把他丢外头,我们回家!”

劳工不睬我,一点不配合我的威吓行动,还是很耐心地长一声短一声地叫,声音温柔得叫我心跳.

就那样僵持了一个钟头,最终咪咪回心转意,被爸爸感天动地的诚心打动,估计也是玩够了,懒洋洋地钻出草丛,往劳工胳膊上一窜,回家.

我心里有数了,以后家里有个孩子,那个惯小孩的,一定不是我,是TA爸爸.
 
 
我跟劳工的共识就是,有一天,如果宝宝长大了,要谈恋爱了,有那个意向了,我们就放他出去.因为我们总觉得,咪咪是在我家暂住的,我们有照顾他和爱护他的权利,却不能限制他的自由.如果有一天他决定离家,我们不阻拦.但他若想回来,我们也欢迎.

咪咪越大,我越舍不得,经常动心,问劳工要不要把他喀嚓了,好一辈子陪着我?劳工说,自私的怨妇,因为自己的寂寞而牺牲掉咪咪的幸福.

我只好又为咪咪的终身大事操心.我和劳工经常半夜三更跑到楼下去观察地形,发现我家楼周围有一只很漂亮的女咪咪,黑白两色的毛,看着胖乎乎的,当然,我们要人性化地形容,应该叫性感丰腴.

我和劳工一致认定这个该做我家的媳妇.原因是,住得近.

我家咪咪不用跑好远去找老婆,每天玩完了还能回家吃东西.

放我家咪咪下去几次,我跟劳工在后面盯着让他们俩谈恋爱.我家咪咪真是拎不起的猪大肠,看到异性,紧张得浑身乱颤,寒毛倒竖,一步一步后退,尽管那只女咪咪倒是很热情,咩咩叫着目光迷离地靠近.

不过我家宝宝铮铮铁骨,不受女色诱惑,生生被逼到墙角,到退无可退的地步,只好跟爸爸妈妈求救,叫得很伤心,不象找老婆,却象被人欺.

只好把他抱回家里.父母很受打击.他爸爸还亲身示范,跟咪咪讲,泡妞你不会啊!然后端起妈妈的下巴,在嘴巴上亲上一亲,”就这样!”妈妈很配合,赶紧闭上眼睛装温顺地往爸爸胳肢窝下面一钻.不晓得这种早期儿童性教育可有启蒙的作用.

后来更伤心.

那只下面漂亮的女猫在被我家咪咪泡上以前,先被一只剽悍的大白野猫嫖上了.两只猫形影不离.那只大白猫个头都有我家咪咪两个之巨,目露凶光,尾巴象棍子一样粗,走起路来虎虎生威.

回来再端详一下我家的咪咪,只好摇头叹气.跟劳工讲我的新发现,”听讲男人的性能力如果看外在就要看鼻,鼻长而阔的,那个那个就有力.我怀疑猫猫要看尾巴,单比尾巴,我家的咪咪就还没发育完全啊!”

我于是象所有的妈妈一样开始整天观察我家猫猫的尾巴,到现在看起来还象一根细毛线.想知道是不是每个妈妈都在儿子小时候非常仔细地观察小鸡鸡,还跟同年龄的小朋友比一比,然后每天叹气,就要不要割包皮助长之类的问题困扰不休.
 
 
劳工讲,这下完蛋了,我家咪咪一定是打不过那只大白猫的,一眼就看得出.我看我家咪咪以后要打光棍的.动物世界就是弱肉强食,象他这样懦弱的,以后一定没有媳妇.

劳工居然突发奇想,”要不,你以后在咪咪找老婆的时候拎个棒子下去,先把那只白猫打跑?”

听了劳工的话,总觉得不对劲,别人看到一女子深夜拿着大棒站在楼下面守着两只猫交配,一定当我有毛病.

“不行!又是我!为什么你不去?”我抗议.

“哎呀!我是男人啊!别人看见一个男人拿着棒子追一只猫打,会怎么想?”

我哈哈大笑.父亲总是自私的,为了自己的孩子,不惜牺牲老婆的面子.至于别人怎么想我拿一根棒子追一只猫打,那就不太要紧了.

为了我的心头肉,我决定豁出去.只要有需要,我愿意.

也许,某个深夜里,你看见一个乔装打扮,戴着瓜皮帽,手持大棒的女子躲在阴暗地里,不要太紧张,其实,不过是猫妈妈在替小猫出气.

绝对不是打劫.
 
 
(Apr 13 2004, 09:38 AM)                 

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