没钱的快乐——有感于对金钱的饥饿
洪晃自述说,儿时的一些事情,让她彻底改变了生活态度,自此她就没了财路,缺少了对金钱的渴望。当年她去应聘美国一家著名大公司的时候,主管一眼就看出她对金钱不饥饿,不是赚钱的好材料。
由此而感,什么是饥饿?饥饿是求而不得。我不喜欢巧克力和我喜欢巧克力而吃不上,是两码事情。洪晃可以说她不喜欢钱,因为她从没有缺钱的感觉。她有经历过别的孩子三餐不饱,吃点红烧肉就激动得象过年一样的艰苦岁月吗?
我把饥饿分为三个层次,一种是天然饥饿,比方说,非洲难民,瘦到皮连着骨头,手象猫爪一样的,那种才叫真正的懂得饥饿,并以摆脱饥饿为奋斗目标。很多下层人民,没钱上学,被迫打工,眼睁睁看亲人病死而无钱救治的,就有对金钱的强烈饥饿感,这种人绝对不会说食物放在眼前不屑一顾,也不会被人认为对食物没有饥饿感;第二种
是胁迫饥饿,比方说模特,那叫主动体验饥饿,想吃不能吃。这种饥饿的程度取决于个人的意志,你可以选择放弃该职业享受生活,也可以选择坚持一条道走黑。很多中层人民,介于有钱没钱之间的,就是这种感受。他们可以选择金钱饥饿,向上一搏,这种饥饿不是温饱,而是对更高层次享受的追求,当然他们可以甘于平淡生活,吃饱穿暖
就得。这第三种饥饿是厌世性饥饿,自甘堕落,比方说戴安娜王妃曾一度患厌食症,比方说洪晃读着美国的小学,吃着帝国主义的西餐,穿着锃亮的皮鞋,说我对钱不饥饿。
我其实属于第二层饥饿。但我也不晓得什么时候沾染了臭贵族的对金钱的强烈不饥饿。活了人生1/3强了,你问我生命中最快乐的记忆是什么,我怎么总停留在儿时席地而坐在街边一分钱看一本漫画书,或是恋爱时两人总共携带370块却天津北京玩个遍的记忆中。
曾与老公回忆新加坡4年印象最深刻的事情。我说印象里最浪漫的一次是来新加坡后8个月第一回国,因为当时很穷,买的是凌晨起飞的票,早早到机场等候,两个人坐在候机厅的咖啡馆里,我一口一口慢慢啜着cappuccino,吃着CHEESE CAKE,觉得少有的悠闲,时间对我来说仿佛停滞。以后去了很多咖啡店,再没喝到那样美味的cappuccino。
我在来新加坡以后的头5个月里,除了应聘,基本足不出户,到哪里都坐公车,看到来往的TAXI,好象根本与自己无关。当时离居住地最近的超市在4站之外,为省点车钱,总是提着重重的东西走回来。我一直问老公,你还记得当时我们的菜谱吗?基本上什么OFFER吃什么。老公居然回答说:“当时你的厨艺水平是颠峰,你每次往我LAB送饭,都引得满办公室的人羡慕,为此还被他们赖着在家请了好几次客。”
我说,我很怀念那时候每周二你带我去ORCHARD看电影,因为周二的票只要5块,很便宜,虽然每个月都没什么剩余,钱很紧张,你却总不忘记给我买很大一筒爆米花,两个人边看电影边在筒里抓来抓去,那漂亮的大大的筒,我都不舍得扔,其中两个做了我的床头柜,我把所有的小零碎,针头线脑都扔里面,另两个做了垃圾筒。
那时我最常挂在口头上安慰老公的话就是:“等我工作了,我要买。。。。。。”老公居然随着我的梦想,仿佛住上了洋房,直升飞机,一直咧着嘴傻笑,最后无限神往地问一句:“你什么时候开始挣钱啊?”
再后来我真的工作了,再再后来,你也工作了,两个人可以不必算计想吃什么就吃什么,可以一到假期连包都不拎就出去度假,可以大街逛累了随意点个饭店,可以一把付出大笔现钱做房屋首期付款。
可你问我近几年最快乐的时候,我总停留在那年的午夜,我们俩不舍得打车,一口气走了5公里,你提着我的鞋,我光着脚板,无声拍打着地面,走到太累了,我趴你身上要背背,你说你怕就此瘫痪;还有过年的时候我要买2公斤排骨,你冲我大叫:“什么?!18块?!”我撅着嘴巴冲你翻眼,你又赶紧道歉。后来这笔黑账我最少跟家长告
过5遍,一提就说你虐待我,整8个月让我吃鸡,红烧,清炖,油炸,干煸,我连排骨的样子都不记得了,害得妈妈眼泪直流,从我进门起做排骨直到我返回新加坡,吃到我打恶心。
我认真反省自己,我觉得我对金钱彻底不饥饿,属于那种“作”。没钱的时候幻想有钱,还没口袋鼓一点,就想过乡村农妇生活。
没钱的时候,我很快乐,有钱了,我倒不怎么快乐了。
不过,尽管如此,我还是不拒绝有钱。
不过,尽管如此,我还是不拒绝有钱。
我甚至希望有一天我在西雅图的湖边买一栋跟比尔该死毗邻的房子,每天关在里面回忆贫穷的快乐,忆苦思甜。
(总质疑金钱是否能给人带来真正的快乐,其实草地上光着脚踢皮球的孩子的快乐,一点不比贝壳汉母穿着豪华球衣一场几十万挣钱的快乐少。
我做过类似实验,这在孩子身上有最明显的体现。你给孩子一样高科技产品的玩具,与给孩子一样手工折叠的小飞机,两个价钱截然不同的东西,吸引孩子注意力的长短是完全相同的。
我不晓得这里的朋友是否有同样的看法,你住着大房子,你开着好汽车,你过着所谓DECENT的生活,但你却常常回忆很久远以前的快乐,有时候甚至想和孩子一起玩陀螺。
快乐,很多时候并不是用金钱来衡量的。)
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