不利的羊年
豆苗在一天里好象失去了全世界。
先是跟劳工,当然,现在应该算是前劳工把财产认真估算完以后,交到法院等候分配,然后两个人居然快快乐乐越了一起去当地比较热闹的一家火锅店撮了一顿。跟结婚时俩人偷偷摸摸自己跑饭店庆祝一样,离婚时俩人又庆祝了一番。
前劳工说“以后要自己照顾自己啊,有蟑螂了不要大喊大叫,没人替你捉;不要在家里投耗子药,鼠辈也是有生命的;晒衣服的时候不要站在板凳上把竹竿举着撑到外面,要记得自己住在7楼上,往后也没那个男人拽你的手不让你掉下去,万一不巧真掉下去了,人家还以为你离婚想不开,自杀抗命呢!体重不要天天秤,因为早上轻,晚上重,跟你讲过多少次了,你还是一到傍晚就冲过来爆打我,说自己又吃胖了。我一直没搞懂,为什么你瘦了是我折磨的,你胖了也是我折磨的?” 豆苗笑了,说,因为你把我气浮肿了。
“还有,离婚了你就是自由的女人了,但本着对你自己负责,对你前夫负责,请一定不要随便恋爱,万一不小心找到象雷奥那多那样的小垃圾,既不帅又不高的,很丢你前夫的面子,好象你黄鼠狼过窝,一窝不如一窝似的。恋爱有风险,入市需谨慎” 豆苗扮谨慎遵从状低眉顺眼主动称是是是,然后突然抬起头来说”你以为世界上还能找得出比你牙更黑的人吗”前夫不屑一顾地说,那是我为防止整日被女人骚扰而特地抽烟10多年弄出的伪装,一直都不舍得洗,唉,真是麻烦,又要单身了,又要回到那个整日被女人追得无处可逃的岁月了。。。。。。。。
豆苗提溜着包进门,将脚上的鞋子冲天甩得老高,眼看着鞋子直接飞进厨房的门, ”射门”,豆苗很是得意。”拜托,如果你还想再次嫁人,请不要在你新任男朋友面前表演你苦练三年才铸就的绝技。今天还算好,餐桌上没放着骨头汤,可记得上次你把鞋子踢进骨头汤还强迫我喝下去的可怕经历了?阿弥陀佛,幸好我抽身了,以后此类痛苦我将幸灾乐祸地看其他男人忍受”。前夫跟着进门。虽然离婚了,不过必须在同一个屋檐下居住半年,直到房子售出为止。
“我怎么那么倒霉?都离婚了还要听你整天唠叨。你到现在都不明白我们俩离婚的主要原因是什么,一是因为你太爱打游戏,二就是因为你的唠叨在年龄基础上呈N次方的形式增长。”
豆苗径直走进书房,打开电脑上网”你能不能把你肩膀上的包放下再上网?换了衣服,最好洗个澡。不然你会这样背着包一直到半夜三点的。” 前夫孜孜不倦地继续抓紧最后半年改造豆苗,”干你P事。你以为你还是我的谁谁谁?以前看在你持有国家办法的资格证书的份上不敢回嘴,今天不怕你了,我想怎样就怎样。”豆苗头都不回. “我对你有责任的,从我上岗到现在6年了都没能把你改造好,你还是乱丢废弃物,乱排污水,最后半年的整改期限了,万一再没成效, 我不好向你后任丈夫交代,说我管理不严,好象我败走麦城似的。” 豆苗冷笑一声:”哼哼,下岗职工心系老厂,不发工资照样守望厂区啊?放心,等引进了外资,招收了白领,自然会有人来打理这块园子的,也许外方管理技术了得,使旧貌换新颜也没一定。”
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