东海仙子: 冰花诗一首英译（喝咖啡）OK OKOK

冰花诗一首英译（喝咖啡）

喝咖啡

Drinking Coffee

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Drinking Coffee


You’re coffee
I’m the mate
We melt
In one cup
And our love
Saturates bitterness in sweetness

Have this coffee
Then you’ll be sweet
And me, too
In the sweetness there is me
And also you


By Rose Lu (Bing hua) Tr. East Sea Fairy

喝咖啡

你是咖啡
我是咖啡伴侣
你我共溶在
一个杯子里
我们的爱
将苦涩沉浸于甜蜜

喝下这杯咖啡
你也芳香
我也芳香
芳香中有我
芳香中有你


DRINKING COFFEE
- by Rose Lu

Your are the coffee
I am the Coffee-mate
You and I dissolve
Together in a cup
Our love immerses
Bitterness into sweetness

Drink this cup of coffee
Your are aromatic
And I am aromatic
The aroma has me
And the aroma has you



Footnotes
1. My translation is straightforward. I do not see much benefit, or the need, to twist the original poem.
2. “are” and “am” are used in metaphors commonly seen in poetry.
3. The article “the” is used before “coffee” and “Coffee-mate” because the “coffee” and “Coffee-mate” here are specific.
4. “immerse” is a better word here (than “engulf”). It is more commonly seen in daily use; and it fits better here.
5. “aroma” and “aromatic” are more often used in food and drinks than “fragrance” and “fragrant”.




引文:
001roselu 写道:
喝咖啡

你是咖啡
我是咖啡伴侣
你我共溶在
一个杯子里
我们的爱
将苦涩沉浸于甜蜜

喝下这杯咖啡
你也芳香
我也芳香
芳香中有我
芳香中有你

12/04/04

dean
华夏仙侠



注册日: 03-03-04
发表数: 6816



Re: 冰花诗: <A little girl> 046 喝咖啡  

Allow me to try my hand at translating it.

Drinking Coffee

You be coffee
I be coffee mate
dissolved
in the same cup, you and me,
and our sweet love
engulfing the bitterness.

Let us drink this coffee
with your fragrance
and with mine
My fragrance is in yours
and yours in mine.

http://my.cnd.org/modules/newbb/viewtopic.php?%20<br%20/>mode=viewtopic&topic_id=32876&forum=6&start=816

Drinking Coffee

By Rose Lu

You’re coffee
I’m the mate.
My love infuses your deep bitterness.
 

喝咖啡

冰花

你是咖啡
我是咖啡伴侣
你我共溶在
一个杯子里
我们的爱
将苦涩沉浸于甜蜜

喝下这杯咖啡
你也芳香
我也芳香
芳香中有我
芳香中有你


DRINKING COFFEE
By Rose Lu

Edied By Richard Tornello, William Marr

You’re coffee
I’m the mate.
My love infuses your deep bitterness.


Drink this cup of coffee
You are aromatic
And I am aromatic
In the fragrance you'll find me
In the fragrance I'll find you