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主题 : 让你的孩子从‘拒绝’到‘合作’Getting your child from 'NO' to 'YES'
wenwendywen 离线
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楼主  发表于: 2007-06-29   

让你的孩子从‘拒绝’到‘合作’Getting your child from 'NO' to 'YES'

管理提醒: 本帖被 wenwendywen 执行置顶操作(2009-10-28)
正在学习中,推荐一下,

Getting Your Child from 'No' to 'YES, without nagging, bribing, or threatening

Ierry Wyckoff, Ph.D. and Barbara C. Unell   Authors of Discipline without shouting or spanking
[ 此贴被wenwendywen在12-09-2009 14:45重新编辑 ]
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Troublemaker 威望 +5 2007-06-29 优秀文章
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感恩,平安,喜乐,惜福。。。
candy520 离线
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67楼  发表于: 2015-10-20   
Re:让你的孩子从‘拒绝’到‘合作’Getting your child from 'NO' to 'YES& ..
我儿子还有1个多月就2岁了,他是最近才开口的,现在也常把 不要 挂在嘴边
不过虽然这么说,有时候好像就是顺口说说的,其实他还是要的

除了爱还有内裤外穿的超人来拯救世界
懒鸟 离线
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66楼  发表于: 2011-09-02   
Re:让你的孩子从‘拒绝’到‘合作’Getting your child from 'NO' to 'YES& ..
很实用啊,三文辛苦了,支持!我们英文不行,帮不上忙,只能等着看中文了。
wenwendywen 离线
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65楼  发表于: 2010-09-17   
回 64楼(bluemoon) 的帖子
Thanks... ...Please help to translate more if you have time. :-)    
感恩,平安,喜乐,惜福。。。
bluemoon 离线
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64楼  发表于: 2010-09-12   
Re:让你的孩子从‘拒绝’到‘合作’Getting your child from 'NO' to 'YES& ..
下次的系统工程,不嫌弃的话,愿意来帮忙。
annieofchina 离线
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63楼  发表于: 2010-09-12   
Re:让你的孩子从‘拒绝’到‘合作’Getting your child from 'NO' to 'YES& ..
好辛苦,谢了,很有启发。
mjzq2002 离线
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62楼  发表于: 2010-06-23   
Re:让你的孩子从‘拒绝’到‘合作’Getting your child from 'NO' to 'YES& ..
很受用的帖子。不错不错。楼主辛苦了
恍然一笑 离线
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61楼  发表于: 2010-03-24   
Re:让你的孩子从‘拒绝’到‘合作’Getting your child from 'NO' to 'YES ..
太多了,要收藏起来慢慢细细地看

谢谢楼主,真的辛苦了
我相信爱情,但不相信永远!
我相信誓言,但不相信它会实现!
我相信婚姻,但不相信绝对的忠诚!
我相信你,真的,但我不再相信我自己!
灵子 离线
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60楼  发表于: 2009-11-19   
Re:让你的孩子从‘拒绝’到‘合作’Getting your child from 'NO' to 'YES ..
很好很好,受用了,谢谢啊
echozhang 离线
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59楼  发表于: 2009-10-22   
Re:让你的孩子从‘拒绝’到‘合作’Getting your child from 'NO' to 'YES
非常实用的帖子!多谢三文!        
第一要真诚,其次要善良,最后要我们永不相忘
年少轻狂 离线
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58楼  发表于: 2009-10-22   
Re:让你的孩子从‘拒绝’到‘合作’Getting your child from 'NO' to 'YES ..
oh,mygod!俺的英语不太过关,想当初本科学历就差在英语上了。楼主啊,辛苦辛苦,还是译成中文俺看着亲切,还通俗。
一切为了孩子!http://shop58680927.taobao.com
wenwendywen 离线
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57楼  发表于: 2009-10-22   
Re:让你的孩子从‘拒绝’到‘合作’Getting your child from 'NO' to 'YES ..
天哪!!!

因为和老公商量着怎么对孩子说话。

我居然找出来我两年前学习中的一本好书。

自己再次学习一下。也佩服一下两年前的自己。。。得意。。。

感恩,平安,喜乐,惜福。。。
听听 离线
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56楼  发表于: 2007-10-21   
Re:让你的孩子从‘拒绝’到‘合作’Getting your child from 'NO' to 'YES ..
真好,加油啊!!加油!
懒虫就是天生的.
wenwendywen 离线
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55楼  发表于: 2007-08-18   
Re:让你的孩子从‘拒绝’到‘合作’Getting your child from 'NO' to 'YES ..
好了,第5节,“乘坐电梯”的也更新了。

本周任务完成了。

开心!
感恩,平安,喜乐,惜福。。。
wenwendywen 离线
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54楼  发表于: 2007-08-18   
Re:让你的孩子从‘拒绝’到‘合作’Getting your child from 'NO' to 'YES ..
第40楼,第四节,关于‘下车’的,也翻完了。

明天争取翻第5节。
感恩,平安,喜乐,惜福。。。
wenwendywen 离线
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53楼  发表于: 2007-08-11   
Re:让你的孩子从‘拒绝’到‘合作’Getting your child from 'NO' to 'YES ..
好了,第三节也翻完了。

本周任务完成了,看看有时间还能不能超额完成任务。。  
感恩,平安,喜乐,惜福。。。
wenwendywen 离线
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52楼  发表于: 2007-08-11   
Re:让你的孩子从‘拒绝’到‘合作’Getting your child from 'NO' to 'YES ..
那好,我就慢慢翻,争取一周翻个1-2节。

对了,第二节,‘坐车’的已经更新了。

还有没有愿意翻译的,欢迎报名哟,鱼儿会给你们加分的哟,对吧?
感恩,平安,喜乐,惜福。。。
清心 离线
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51楼  发表于: 2007-08-10   
Re:让你的孩子从‘拒绝’到‘合作’Getting your child from 'NO' to 'YES ..
俺英文不好,看英文太累,就等着你翻了,不过,别着急,别累倒,慢慢翻      
wenwendywen 离线
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50楼  发表于: 2007-08-09   
Re:让你的孩子从‘拒绝’到‘合作’Getting your child from 'NO' to 'YES ..
我把前面已经翻的,重新编辑了一下,累死了。

不过,看着已经翻的,和这么长的英文,还是挺得意的!

 
感恩,平安,喜乐,惜福。。。
wenwendywen 离线
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49楼  发表于: 2007-08-09   
Re:让你的孩子从‘拒绝’到‘合作’Getting your child from 'NO' to 'YES ..
Section X Health 61-65

第十部分:健康篇

61 “Please put on your glasses.”        “No. I don’t wanna wear glasses!”



Helpful hints: * Make rules about when your child should wear glasses.

Avoid complaining about wearing glasses or about their high cost. Your attitude is contagious.
Compliment the glasses that others are wearing so your child sees that you think glasses are cool.


1)      Don’t use guild. Don’t say, “I paid a lot for those glasses, so you’re going to were them.”

Don’t expect that your child should do what you ask in order to make you feel good.



Instead, invite feedback. Say, “Tell me what you don’t like about your glasses.”

Asking for your child’s opinion can give you insight into her thinking can help you develop a plan to encourage her cooperation. If she say, “They hut my nose,” you can adjust the nosepiece.



2)      Don’t scare your child. Don’t say, “If you don’t wear your glasses, you’ll fall down the stairs and hut yourself.”

Predicting dire consequences for not following directions teaches your child to wear her glasses out of fear, not because it will help her navigate her world.



Instead, play a game. Say, ‘Let’s see how long you can keep your glasses on. I’ll set the timer and you keep them on till it rings.”

Setting goals will help your child grow accustomed to wearing her glasses. Gradually increase the wearing time each day. Soon she’ll have them on all day.



3)      Don’t ignore her feelings. Don’t say, “I don’t care if the kids make fun of you. I don’t wan to hear about it.”

Your lack of empathy will destroy your child’s desire to cooperate and will tell her that she’s on her own. What a scary place the world be without your support.



Instead, be positive. Say, “I know you don’t like wearing your glasses, but you can see things much better when you go.”

Pointing out the benefits of doing what you ask can help your child look beyond the temporary discomfort of getting used to glasses.  Let her know that you’re on her side.



4)      Don’t beg. Don’t say, “Please wear your glasses. Do it for mommy!”

Begging your child to cooperate will make her feel guilty when she doesn’t want to do what you ask. Plus, it will teach her to beg to motivate others to cooperate.

Instead, remind her about the rule. Say, “The rule says that you need to wear your glasses during the day.”

This helps your child understand that you’re her ally with the common goal of following the rule.



62. “Let’s put on sunscreen.”      “No. I don’t wanna wear sunscreen.”



Helpful hints: * Choose sunscreen (and bug repllent) that’s effective and safe for young children.

Make rules about when and where you child needs to use sunscreen and/or buy repellent


1)      Don’t give in. don’t say, “I’m tired of fighting with you about sunscreen. If you get burned, maybe you’ll learn.”

Natural consequences are often effective motivators, but sometimes they’re too dangerous to allow. This is one of those times. Telling your child that you don’t care if he gets sunburned sends him the message that you don’t care enough about him to enforce the rule.

Instead, remind him about the rule. Say, “What’s the rule about going out in the sun?”

Asking your child to tell you the rule not only reminds him of what you want him to do, it helps him internalize the behavior. Eventaually, it will become a habit that doesn’t require a reminder.



2)      Don’t threaten. Don’t say, “If you don’t come over here this instant, I’m going to smack you.”

Punishing your child for not cooperating will only increase his fear and ganger; it won’t motivate him to learn important lessons about staying safe. Threatening physical teaches him that might makes right—a harmful lesson.



Instead, ask questions. Say, “Can you tell me why you don’t like this sunscreen?”

When you understand your child’s objections, you can resolve them to gain his cooperation. If he doesn’t like the smell, you can buy something that’s more appealing. This empathetic approach tells your child that you respect his feelings.



3)      Don’t brie. Don’t say, “If you’ll let me put sunscreen on you, I’ll buy you a treat at the concession stand.”

Bribing teaches your child that cooperation comes at a price; it also teaches him that it’s okay to manipulate others by “buying” their compliance.

Instead, make a deal. Say, “When you have sunscreen on, then you may go in the pool.”

Grandma’s Rule helps both of you compromise to meet your agendas—fist yours, then your child’s.



4)      Don’t use fear. Don’t say, “If you don’t put sunscreen on, you’ll get cancer.”

Threatening dire consequences may motivate your child to do what you ask out of fear, but it won’t teach him how to protect himself.

Instead, be positive. Say, “WE need to protect our skin from the sun so we don’t get burned. When we use sunscreen, it keeps us safe and healthy.”



63. “It’s time to go to the doctor.” “No. I don’t wanna go to the doctor!”

Helpful hints: * Select a doctor who uses kind language, lets you stay with your child, and relates well with children. Your insurance policy may limit your options, but do your best to find a healthcare provider who works well with children.

Talk to your child about getting to go to the doctor rather than having to go.


1)      Don’t give in. don’t say, “You’re so scared to go to the doctor, you’re shaking. I’m going to cancel your appointment.”

Avoiding fearful events won’t help your child learn to cope with them. In addition, it’s irresponsible to risk her health because of your well-interntioned efforts to protect her.

Instead, redirect her attention. Say, “I know you don’t want to go, but the doctor helps you stay healthy. Let’s think of fun things you can do at the doctor’s office.”

Focus your child on the books, toys, stickers, and other things she enjoys at the doctor’s office. Teaching your child to refocus will help her cope with other unpleasant situations throughout her life.



2)      Don’t label. Don’t say, “Don’t be a baby! The doctor’s not going to hurt you.”

Calling your child a baby discounts her fears and teaches her that you don’t believe she can handle the challenge. These messages undermine y our effort to motivate her to cooperate.

Instead, ask questions. Say, “What don’t you like about going to the doctor?”

Asking your child for her thoughts helps you understand her fears. It also lets her know that you’re empathizing with her and trying to understand what’s bothering her. Both can motivate her to cooperate.



3)      Don’t shame. Don’t say, “The doctor doesn’t like children who aren’t brave.

Shaming your child teaches her that she’s inadequate and unlikable because she’s afraid. It also tells her that she is what she feels and that she can’t become brave. Both are myths you don’t want to create.

Instead, affirm her ability. Say, “I understand that you don’t want to go to the doctor, but you’re brave and strong and I know you can handle it.”

Telling your child she’s courageous and capable will lessen her fears and motivate her to cope with other frightening events.



4)      Don’t use guilt. Don’t say, “You’ve got to go to the doctor or you’ll get really sick. Do it for me!

Using guilt to motivate cooperation is a sure recipe for disaster. Your child will not only fear what might happen to her if she doesn’t go, she’ll fear losing your love and approval if she doesn’t comply with your request.



Instead, change the focus. Say, “When we’re through with your checkup, then we’ll have lunch at Grandma’s. she always loves to see you.

Looking beyond the immediate task to a pleasant event that will follow can help your child overcome her fears.



64. “It’s time to take your medicine.”  “No. I don’t wanna take my medicine!”

Helpful hints: * Always try to put yourself in your child’s shoes to understand how he feels, and remember to provide plenty of hugs with the medicine.

Check with your pharmacist to find out if your child’s medicine comes in a tasty flavor or in a form that’s easier to take.
Avoid complaining about taking your own medicine.
If your child has difficulty swallowing medicine or gags when trying to swallow, make it more palatable by mixing it with food (if medically appropriate), by using a special spoon, by making a game out of taking it, or by using an oral syringe. Talk to your doctor or pharmacist if you have any questions about how your child should take the medicine.


1)      Don’t tattle. Don’t say, “Do you want me to tell the doctor you won’t take your medicine?”

Threatening to tattle will make your child fear the doctor.

Instead, make it a game. Say, “I know you don’t like the taste of the medicine, but it’s important for you to take it. Let’s do it on three. Ready? One, two, three, down it goes.”

Reinforce the importance of taking the medicine, and make it fun to take. This will motivate y our child with the promise of fun and your attention—a priceless combination!



2)      Don’t threaten. Don’t say, “If you spit the medicine back out, I’ll slap you. Now swallow it.”

Threatening your child with physical violence may achieve results in the short term, but it will teach him that might makes right. In addition, knowing that he has no control over the situation will make him feel helpless.



Instead, make a deal, say, “When you’ve swallowed the medicine, then you may have a drink of milk.”

Grandma’s Rule helps your child learn to tolerate unpleasantness and delay gratification. Knowing he’ll get to replace the nasty taste with something good helps feel more in control.



3)      Don’t threaten to take away privileges. Don’t say, “If you don’t take your medicine, you can’t watch TV today.”

Taking away your child’s TV privileges won’t help him learn to cooperate so he can take are of himself. It will only set the stage for a battle when he wants to watch TV.

Instead, focus on the positive. Say. “This medicine is going to help you get well. Every time you take it, you’ll feel better.”

Stressing the important link between medicine and health—and using the power of suggestion—will help your child be more cooperative. He’ll also learn that he can help keep himself healthy.



4)      Don’t belittle. Don’t say, “you know better than that. Now take your medicine.”

Implying that your child’s stupidity is preventing his cooperation creates three problems: it makes him upset that you think he’s stupid, it makes him feel bad about himself, and it makes him further resist taking his medicine.



Instead, affirm your child. Say, “I’m sorry you don’t like the medicine, but you’re brave and strong and I know you can swallow it.”

Affirming your child’s strength and bravery helps him wan to prove to you and himself that he has these qualities. He wins and you win: The medicine goes down and his self-image goes up.



65, “You need to get a shot.”    “No. I don’t wanna get a shot!”

Helpful hints: * If possible, choose a doctor or nurse who handles these procedures well and who’s good with children.

Avoid telling your child horror stories about when you got shots or stitches, but be honest with her about how getting them feels. You don’t want to compromise her trust by telling her the procedure doesn’t hurt.
Check with your doctor about providing fund distractions while your child is getting a shot or stitches. For example, have your child blow bubbles with a bubble wand during procedure.


1)      Don’t use guilt. Don’t say, “Do it for Mommy.”

Using guilt will teach your child to do tasks only to make you happy or to prevent your displeasure. She should cooperate because she wants to improve her health, not because she wants to avoid hurting your feelings.

Instead, stay positive. Say, “I know you don’t want to get a shot, but it’s very important to keep you healthy.”

Focus your child on the benefits of getting the shot or stitches.



2)      Don’t use putdowns. Don’t say, “Don’t be a wuss like your daddy.”

When you criticize your child’s other parent, you force your little one to choose sides. She’ll think, “I don’t want to like a daddy!” and she’ll cooperate just to stay on your good side.



Instead, compliment, say, ”I know you’re brave and strong and can handle getting a shot to stay healthy.”

Affirming your child’s bravery and strength will encourage her to overcome her fear.



3)      Don’t lie. Don’t say, “Shots don’t hut. I don’t know hwy you ‘re making such a fuss.”

Lying to your child and discounting her fears mean double trouble: You’re undermining her trust in you, and you’re telling her you don’t care about her fears.



Instead, be honest, say, “I know that shots hurt a little, but they don’t last long. Let’s blow bubbles while you get the shot, and you’ll feel better in a jiffy.”

Lovingly acknowledge e what your child I is going through. You emotional and physical support will l help her believe that you’ll always tell the truth and always be there when she need you.
感恩,平安,喜乐,惜福。。。
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