东海仙子：冰花诗一首英译（春宵）OK

东海仙子：冰花诗一首英译（春宵）
春 宵
Vernal Night
By Rose Lu(Binghua) Tr. East Sea Fairy
 
性爱
Sex
是上帝赐予生命的原动力
Is a God-gifted motivity
一道最美丽的风景
The most picturescque scenery
 
轻柔的风
Wind whispering
咆哮的雨
Rain roaring
美人鱼在海水中翻尾
In playing their tails in the sea the Mermaids delight
终于在月光下熟睡
They finally fall asleep in moonlight
 
新的天空
New sky
新的鸟鸣
New birds’singing
阳光更加明媚
Brighter sunshine
大地上  众花绽放
The the ground is decked with a myriad of flowers blooming

http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_3f4024480102ebsb.html

修改后:

春 宵

性爱
是上帝赐予生命的原动力
一道最美丽的风景

轻柔的风
咆哮的雨
美人鱼在海水中翻尾
终于在月光下熟睡

新的天空
新的鸟鸣
阳光更加明媚
大地上  众花绽放



Vernal Night

Sex
Is a God-gifted motivity
The most picturesque scenery

Wind whispering
Rain roaring
A mermaid turns her tail over and over in the sea
finally falls asleep under the moonlight

A new sky
With new birdsongs
And brighter sunshine
The earth is decked with a myriad of blooming flowers

Vernal Night
By Rose Lu (Bing hua) Tr. East Sea Fairy

Sex
Is a God-gifted motivity
The most picturescque scenery

Wind whispering
Rain roaring
In playing their tails in the sea the Mermaids delight
hey finally fall asleep in moonlight

New sky
New birds’ singing
Brighter sunshine
The ground is decked with a myriad of flowers blooming