需要，还是不需要
婆婆住进疗养院第五天，被救护车送进急诊室，又一连住院了四天。周五下午送回疗养院。一连八天里我一直坚守夜晚的班。甚至，婆婆送院的那天和回疗养院的那天，我得白天也去了两次医院。必须说的是，这次进的医院比第一次进的医院离家更远，我白天黑夜的没得睡觉，在红绿灯前也有点迟疑，要努力地思考一下，这个是绿灯吗？我该走吗？显然，我的脑袋有点迟钝了。
周六早上，小姑来接班，说：嫂嫂，你今晚就不用来了。
我答应了。我想，已经周末，小姑不用上班，而且，我真的太累了。
到了下午两点多，我才有时间趴到床上睡觉。才睡了45分钟，我的手提响了，是小姑，她说：嫂嫂，明天周日，我们给阿姆补一个生日派对。我说，好啊。小姑又说：嫂嫂，你今晚不用过来了。
我说，恩，那明天见。
睡了45 分钟也是好的，想着今夜我可以在家睡一整晚，我幸福地跳下床，收拾了屋子，再煮了晚饭。旁晚，我到院子里跟我的花花草草们有个约会，淋水呀，除草呀，拍照呀。这一搞就到天都黑齐了的八点半。
回屋里，经过书房，看到家里一堆信我还没有处理，其中有一封银行的来信，我拆开来看，有两张影印支票，我心想，莫不是哪个衰客人给的支票拿不到钱了吧。细看，却原来，我把两张支票的数字加错了，2910+3260=5170 我给自个加少了一千块，呵呵，银行没象我上次写的那贴（混账），这次是我自个搞混账了。这么简单的加数，我什么时候都不会算错的啊，没有理由算错的啊。哎，主要是我昏头了。
洗澡后睡到床上，已经10点半。11点25分，我却自动醒过来，哟，都成习惯了，每晚这时候是我要出发去照顾婆婆的时间了。看着时钟，我自个偷偷笑了笑，倒头再睡，我呀，可以睡到天亮，睡到自然醒。
我的手提响了，是小姑打来的，“嫂嫂，你在那？”“我呀，我在家睡觉呀，你不是说我今晚不要去了吗？”“是啊，不用去啊，你睡吧”。
挂了电话，我看时间，12点27分。我下楼，见着两儿子还在打闹谈笑，还在玩电脑。儿子们说：今晚可以有时间睡觉，妈妈怎么不睡呢？我说：刚才你们姑姐打电话来。斌斌很紧张，祖母有事吗？ 我说，没有。
我跟两儿子说：你们姑姐早上和下午分别两次说，叫我今晚不用去照看你们祖母了，怎么现在半夜十二点多，却给我打电话呀？你们说说你们的看法。
浩浩说：little auntie wants you to go but not forcing you.
我真以为叫我不去我就不去，原来今晚没有人陪婆婆。我还能睡吗。反正已经醒了，我就干脆开了车去疗养院。一点10分，我到达。
下面是我儿子浩浩写的，我没有去参加婆婆的生日会，因为今早我要带我妈妈上街。而儿子在生日派对里听到的，他有他的想法，所以，他写了这篇。
Thirty-three nights. It was thirty-three nights, six hours each night, that my mom spent in the hospital from the wee-early morning hours of 12 to 6AM caring for her mother-in-law. I guess my mom got at most an hour of sleep, if even any at all, on those nights, because she was too busy comforting my grandmother, changing diapers, lifting all eighty pounds of her frame, and cleaning shit to have any time for rest those nights. This is probably enough to drive even the most determined person literally insane, but my mom did it because she cared. But it wasn’t supposed to be like this. Not this unfair.
When my grandmother first suffered a stroke about six weeks ago, my little auntie rushed her to the hospital and notified all the relatives to lend a helping hand caring for her. (We have quite a lot of able-bodied, adult relatives living nearby.) She just turned 92 today and was not exactly all that healthy in the months leading to the stroke, so it’s not something to be taken lightly. This meant that she should be getting as close to 24/7 care as she could get, so my little auntie delegated out responsibilities to all my grandmother’s sons and daughters and in-laws to watch after her for three to six hours at a time. The plan could have worked if everyone sacrificed a little and we as grandsons and granddaughters helped a little too.
What actually happened is that some watched after her one or two times before giving up, while others were habitually late or even became angry at the very idea. One by one, they abandoned the schedule until it was mostly my little auntie, her son and daughter, and my mom. No one wanted to take the graveyard shift caring for her, so my mom just did it every night because someone had to. And it wasn’t as simple as sleeping more in the morning for my mom, because her daytime was all spent caring for her own equally demanding mother, caring for us, running errands, buying groceries, cooking, cleaning, paying bills, and just about everything in between. I think our house might just fall apart if, God forbid, she were to come down with a serious illness. (Sorry Mom, we aren’t doing enough.) She continued doing this for quite a few weeks while grandmother was in hospital, as well as when grandmother returned home briefly and then later moved to the nursing home for the elderly.
These sleepless nights for my mom was finally starting to come to an end last night, or so she thought. My little auntie had called two separate times yesterday before night time that she should get some rest and not come to take care of grandmother in the hospital. Just as my mom was settling into some semblance of sleep last night, little auntie gave her an abrupt wake-up call at 12:30AM asking, “Oh, where are you right now?” My mom groggily responded, “I’m at home. Should I be at the nursing home?”, to which little auntie said, “Oh no, you should rest and not go there. Sorry for waking you up.” Personally, at least as much as I know about the situation, it sounded like my little auntie wanted my mom to come to the nursing house but not sound like she was outright forcing my mom to come. It’s like saying that it would be really good that you come, but I’ll try to sound polite about it. Of course my mom went anyways . My mom only went because when you receive a kind of midnight call like that, it almost feels like a guilt trip that you just can’t say no to.
When little auntie showed up in the nursing home the morning for her shift, from what I’m told, she seem surprised that mom was there, saying that she go back for rest and that she was spoiling grandmother with too much care. Towards noon, dad, my brother, and I went to visit and attend what was supposed to be a party for grandmother’s 92th birthday. Grandmother didn’t really seem all that happy about the whole thing and even cried some, since 1) she couldn’t eat the things they put on the table; 2) had to get wheeled around to the hot weather outside; and 3) had to pose for some unnecessary birthday photos. Beyond that, all the gathered relatives kept talking about how grandmother needs to get over not getting 24/7 care and that she could get used to just relying on the nurses for help. Without saying names, they said that she doesn’t need to be spoiled and that they all have their own lives to attend to, that she would then be better off for it.
It was a sentiment that my mom was doing wrong by grandmother all these weeks, a rebuke of all her efforts as something harming grandmother’s well-being. It also seemed like a cover for the fact that no one wanted to spend more time taking care of grandmother. Since they could say that grandmother would be better off for it, they could then have a reason to tell mom to stop taking care of grandmother. But using some common sense, isn’t it better that grandmother gets some care regardless of what the nurses can or cannot do? Perhaps they saw it as a competition, that mom was somehow “winning” and making them all look bad by having grandmother so heavily depend on her. It made it impossible for anyone to complain about how hard it was to take care of grandmother, because my mom here was doing the worse possible shift every night of the week. They didn’t like my mom for that and for taking away their right to ask for less.
Now, I don’t know a thing about proper physician-patient care, or whether the elderly are best left off getting acclimated to just relying on nurses in the hospital, but I do want to voice off on at least a few things from a common sense kind of perspective. Firstly, duh, of course grandmother should be spoiled! She’s sick, she’s pretty old, and she can’t really do much on her own, so shouldn’t she be given the best possible position to make it through this? Do whatever makes her comfortable because she’s afraid and doesn’t know what’s going to happen. If that means that she is spoiled, so be it. Secondly, I don’t see how she would be better off getting used to not having someone always at her side. Yes that means it makes it easier for my mom and my aunties and uncles, but at best it doesn’t help grandmother. That’s like saying if you throw someone in prison, they’ll be really angry and sad in the beginning, but then they’ll get used to it eventually. Just because they will get used to it doesn’t mean that it was a good thing to start with. Grandmother’s crying for a reason, and it’s because she doesn’t want to be left alone now or in the future.
Finally, I just want to say that this is entirely based off the facts that I understand and my perspective. I do apologize to my relatives if any misrepresentations or unaccounted perspectives are present, and I’m sorry to my mom for letting it get to this.
[ 此帖被阿平在09-11-2013 21:12重新编辑 ]
