I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb...and I also know that I'm not blonde. - Dolly Parton
You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. - Erica Jong
I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my job. - Roseanne
My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner
This guy says, "I'm perfect for you, 'cause I'm a cross between a macho and a sensitive man." I said, "Oh, a gay trucker?" - Judy Tenuta
He tricked me into marrying him. He told me he was pregnant. - Carol Leifer
I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. - Wendy Liebman
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck
If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them. - Sue Grafton
I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on. - Roseanne
I would love to speak a foreign language, but I can't. So I grew hair under my arms instead. - Sue Kolinsky
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. - Elayne Boosler
I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch. - Gilda Radner
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. - Maryon Pearson
Our struggle today is not to have a female Einstein get appointed as an assistant professor. It is for a woman schlemiel to get as quickly promoted as a male schlemiel. - Bella Abzug
In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman. - Margaret Thatcher
I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. - Gloria Steinem
Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry. - Gloria Steinem
The Last Word from Women
Men are like fine wine...
They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with.
