When you occasionally have a bad day and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on
someone you don't know.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying
"hello."I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robin Carter?"
Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.
I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number. After hanging up I decided to
call the wrong number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "you're an "asshole" and hung up.
I wrote the number down with the word "asshole" next to it and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying the bills
or had a really bad day, I'd call him u p and yell "You're an asshole" it always cheered me up.
When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic "asshole" calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with without Caller Id Program? He yelled "NO" and slammed down the phone.
I quickly called him back and said "That's because you are an asshole."
One day I was at the store getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had
patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for the spot.
The idiot ignored me. I noticed a for sale sign in his car window, so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial) I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole too.
I said, "Is the man with the bl ack BMW for sale?"
"Yes, it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front."
"What's your name?" I asked.
"My name is Don Hansen," he said.
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home every evening after five."
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes"
"Don, you're and asshole." Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to
call.
But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. So I came up with an idea. I called Asshole #1.
"Hello"
"You're and asshole: (But I didn't hang up.)
"Are you still there?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"Stop calling me," he screamed .
"Make me," I said.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"My name is Don Han sen."
"Yeah? Where do you live?"
"Asshole, I live a 1802 West 34th St., a yellow house, with my black beamer parked in front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole."
Then I called Asshole #2.
"Hello," he said.
"Hello asshole," I said.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are."
"You'll what" I said.
"I'll kick your ass," he said.
I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."
Then I hung up a immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1802 West 34th Street and that I was on my way over there to kill my
gay lover.
Then I called Channel 13 news about the gang war going on West 34th St.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34 St. There I saw two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars,
a police helicopter and a news crew.
NOW I feel much better. Anger Management really works.
