If you want to say it with flowers, a single rose says: "I'm cheap!" -Delta Burke
Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself. -Roseanne
I am not the boss of my house. I don't know when I lost it. I don't know if I ever had it. But I have seen the boss's job and I do not want it. -Bill Cosby
My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance. -Tim Allen
We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, "You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms." -Elayne Boosler
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home. -Phyllis Diller
Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded. -Tim Allen
If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. -George Carlin
I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house. -Zsa Zsa Gabor
