欢欢喜喜迎新春－欢乐倒计时

本年度最佳春联提前出炉：

上联：男生，女生，穷书生，生生不息！  
下联：初恋，热恋，婚外恋，恋恋不舍！
横批：生无可恋  

上联：博士生，研究生，本科生，生生不息！  
下联：上一届，这一届，下一届，届届失业！
横批：愿读服输

上联：金沙江，嘉陵江，黑龙江，江江可投！
下联：实验楼，教学楼，宿舍楼，楼楼可跳！
横批：空前绝后  

上联：爱国爱家爱师妹！
下联：防火防盗防师兄！
横批：恋爱自由

春节快到了，地下的先烈们纷纷打来电话询问

江姐问：国民党被推翻了么？
答：被阿扁推翻了。

董存瑞问：劳动人民还当牛做马吗？
答：不劳动了，都下岗了。

吴琼花问：姐妹们都翻身得解放了吗？
答：思想解放了，都当小姐了。

扬子荣问：土匪都剿灭了吗？
答：都改当公安和城管了。

杨白劳问：地主都打倒了么？
答：都入党了。

雷锋问：那资本家呢？
答：都进人大和政协了！

刘胡兰问：同志们都藏好了么？
答：都隐身上网了

毛主席问：大家现在都在忙什么？
答：都在斗地主
毛主席：那我就放心了……

两只青蛙相爱了，结婚后生了一个蛤嫫，公青蛙见状大怒说：贱人，怎么回事
母青蛙哭著说：他爹，认识你之前我整过容。



小驴问老驴：为啥咱们天天吃干草，而奶牛顿顿精饲料
老驴叹到：咱爷们比不了，我们是靠跑腿吃饭，人家是靠胸脯吃饭！



鸭子和螃蟹赛跑,一起到达终点，难分胜负，裁判说：你们来个剪刀石头布吧
鸭子大怒：妈的，算计我?我一出是布，他总是剪刀。



狗对熊说：嫁给我吧,嫁给我你会幸福。熊说：才不嫁呢，嫁给你只会生狗熊，我要嫁给猫，生熊猫那才尊贵呢!



老鳖调戏河蚌，被咬，老鳖忍痛拖著河蚌来回爬，青蛙见了敬佩的说：乖乖，鳖哥混大了，出入都加著公文包。



蜜蜂狂追蝴蝶，蝴蝶却嫁给了蜗牛。蜜蜂不解：他哪里比我好蝴蝶回答：人家好歹有自己的房子，哪像你住在集体宿舍

Rolling on the floor laughing again. So funny!  

Thanks Lotus. You've made my day!

Just in case you ever get these two environments mixed up, this should make things a little bit clearer.  

@ PRISON: you spend the majority of your time in  a 10X10 cell            
@ WORK:   you spend the majority of your time in an 8X8 cubicle    


@ PRISON: you get three meals a day fully paid for
@ WORK:   you get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it


@ PRISON: you get time off for good behavior                  
@ WORK:   you get more work for good behavior


@ PRISON: the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you                    
@ WORK:   you must often carry a name badge and open all the doors for yourself


@ PRISON: you can watch TV and play games
@ WORK:   you could get fired for watching TV and playing games


@ PRISON: they allow your family and friends to visit
@ WORK:   you aren't even supposed to make calls to your family


@ PRISON: all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required
@ WORK:   you get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners


@ PRISON: you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out
@ WORK:   you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars


@ PRISON: you must deal with sadistic wardens
@ WORK: In the work place, they are called managers


THERE IS SOMETHING SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE!!!!


Now get back to work. You're not getting paid to surf the Internet.

猜谜啦！

一片绿草地------打一植物

又一片绿草地----还打一植物

来了一只羊------仍打一植物

又来了一只狼----还打一植物

来了一只狼, 没吃羊---打一动物

又来了一只狼, 还是没吃羊---还打一动物

又来了一只狼, 羊叫了起来，狼还是没吃羊---还打一动物


答案见下贴

一片绿草地------打一植物
答案：　梅花


又一片绿草地----还打一植物
答案：　野梅花


来了一只羊------仍打一植物
答案：　草莓


又来了一只狼----还打一植物
答案：　杨莓


来了一只狼, 没吃羊---打一动物
答案：　虾


又来了一只狼, 还是没吃羊---还打一动物
答案：　对虾


羊叫了, 狼还是没吃羊----- 还打一动物
答案：　龙虾