* Your feet stick to grape jelly on the kitchen floor--and you don't care.
* You can't find your cordless phone, so you ask a friend to call you, and you run around the house madly, following the sound until you locate the phone downstairs in the laundry basket.
* Popsicle's become a food staple.
* Your favorite television show is a cartoon.
* You're so desperate for adult conversation that you spill your guts to the telemarketer that calls and HE hangs up on YOU!
* You buy cereal with marshmallows in it.
* You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure they're equal.
* You have time to shave only one leg at a time.
* You hide in the bathroom to be alone.
* Your kid throws up and you catch it.
* You get up at 5:30 AM and you have no time to eat, sleep, drink or go to the bathroom, and yet... you still managed to gain 10 pounds.
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Signs Your Girlfriend is Going to Dump You...
-- Your visa card and your belt both hit their limit.
-- She's been wearing an engagement ring for three weeks, but you don't recall proposing to her.
-- She just started a college course that meets seven nights a week.
-- She says she has to tell you something... on Jerry Springer.
-- Whenever she introduces you it's always "I would like you to meet an old friend of mine..."
-- She leaves a message on your phone and identifies herself by both her first and last names.
-- Your other girlfriend told you so.
-- The dartboard behind your photo on her wall.
-- Her girlfriends look at you, tilt their heads, and say, "You haven't got a clue, do you?"
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Tax Payment
Dear IRS,
Enclosed is my Tax Return & payment. Please take note of the attached article from the USA Today newspaper. In the article, you will see that the Pentagon is paying $171.50 for hammers and NASA has paid $600.00 for a toilet seat.
Please find enclosed four toilet seats (value $2,400) and six hammers (value $1,029). This brings my total payment to $3,429.00. Please note the overpayment of $22.00 and apply it to the "Presidential Election Fund," as noted on my return.
Might I suggest that you send the above mentioned fund a "1.5 inch screw." (See attached article...HUD paid $22.00 for a 1.5 inch Phillips Head Screw.)
It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look forward to paying it again next year. I just saw an article about the Pentagon and "screwdrivers."
[ 此贴被arthur在10-09-2009 06:48重新编辑 ]
