引用

引用第40楼以爱之名于12-04-2009 08:46发表的  :
我家男人出轨过，不过自动回了头。我没闹，也没吵，他说出去住一阵子清醒清醒，我帮他收拾细软。为什么回的家，怎么会想回家的，到现在为止，已经过去两年多了，我一个字都没问过，也没在他面前提过三，只当这件事没发生过。

现在想想，突然发现，当初大概是给吓到了，呵呵。

你家男人真幸福！

引用

引用第0楼六六于12-03-2009 23:08发表的 老虎与吴育升 :
这个问题是坛子里的大姐大提出来的，我列出来单说........

六六的大智大慧是多方面的，她至少有这几个其他人难得的特点：（１）超个人：能从别人着想， （２）超性别：能从男人的角度看问题，（３）超阶级：能从贫民，小资，　高干。。。等各种各样人眼中看问题，（４）超年龄，只有３０几但思维远超实际年龄, (5) 深通哲理。

I basically agree with everything you are saying here. However there seems to be many posters here who do not agree with you. I think some of them just misunderstand what you are saying, and I would like to paraphrase or add the following.

Monogamy is not necessarily the best form of marriage and family, and far from being absolute. Let’s keep in mind that less than 200 years ago, in China polygamy was the rule rather than exception, at least for the rich or well-to-do. Even today, the Arabs and the Mormons are still practicing polygamy. Women in polygamy marriages are no less happy than those in monogamy marriage, everything being equal (e.g. money, standard of living, etc.). 

Today we are so used to the idea and social system of monogamy, we tend to think of extramarital affairs as the end of the world or at least the end of the marriage. Liu Liu is not really saying extra marital affairs are a good thing, but just pointing out that they are part of human nature, and that they are similar to minor illness.

Extramarital affairs are analogous to minor illnesses because we keep demanding “faithfulness” and “health”, but history has proven that affairs and illnesses are part of human nature, they always happen regardless whether we like them or not. In reality minor illnesses are good for our long-term health, as each illness is a workout for our immune system, which in turn gets stronger to keep us healthy over the long term against more serious diseases.

Therefore if our spouses occasionally have an extramarital affair, it is not the end of the world nor necessarily the end of our marriages, if we put the affair in perspective. If we treat it just like the way we treat a minor illness, taking some bitter medicine, and let our bodies (and the marriage) heal and strengthen. Our bodies and marriages not only can be saved but also maybe even healthier and strong than before! 

Extramarital affairs hurt the other spouse because of the “breach of marriage contract” which we call “vows”. The fact they hurt has absolutely nothing to do with the sex act itself, - remember that the Arabs and Mormons still practice polygamy and their women do not feel “hurt”.

Women tend to commit less extra marital affairs than men, not because they are more capable of being “faithful” or “love more”, but because of biological differences (different hormones and different levels of urges).This is a well researched and documented scientific fact that makes biological sense.
     
This is a big subject than I can write much more but let me stop here for now.

楼上啊，我对你的景仰滔滔江水。

你的这一段话里许多单词，我是需要借助翻译工具才理解的。

您是修养英语修辞的吗？你什么专业的？

Hi Liu Liu,

Sorry to write in English rather than Chinese; the few lines above in Chinese took me almost an hour to write – I left (Shanghai) China in 1981, almost 30 years ago – I forgot to write most of the Chinese words now. 

My line of work is like most of the Chinese here: Electrical engineering, majoring in satellite communication. I also have an MBA, with finance major.

For the past 30 years I read mostly technical books: Math, physics, microwave engineering, radar, satellites, etc. I rarely read any novel.

As I mentioned a short while ago, I never watched any TV series until I started watching the TV series 窝居. Then I read and watched the 双面胶and王贵与安娜, both the scripts and theTV series. To me all three are simply the best stories and shows in the world. If you have to ask me to pick a favorite, I would say 王贵与安娜 as it causes such resonance in my heart.
 

有时候的问题是，那出轨的一方，根本不需要你所谓的宽容和大度，他根本就没有想过要回归。

当大家都知道老虎睡了n+n个女人，而且喜欢跟n个女人一起干的时候，不知道现在六六还这样想吗？

引用

引用第146楼宝儿于03-29-2010 00:59发表的  :
当大家都知道老虎睡了n+n个女人，而且喜欢跟n个女人一起干的时候，不知道现在六六还这样想吗？

I think you are missing the point here. In the case of Tiger Woods, obviously the wife does NOT want a devoice, because nobody is stopping her from devoicing him, but she simply chooses not to devoice him, who indeed has been a “bad boy”. Instead she just wants to punish him. Well, Liu Liu points out that there are many ways to punish him (like buying her an expensive piece of jewelry, for a limit number of times before the ultimatum), but hitting him with a golf club is not a smart way, to say the least. If she kills him or even just injures him, she will be the one to suffer! Devoicing him is also a possible way, though.

When we are young, we tend to demand absolutely “pure love”, just like we cannot tolerate a speck of dirt or a grain of sand in our eyes. But the reality is, there is no long-lasting absolutely pure love, just like there is no long-lasting health – we get sick once in a while.

Also keep in mind that demanding absolute purity itself is a worse disease than the diseases we set out to cure. I can provide many examples, but two of them will be the “Spanish Inquisition” for the absolute purity in religion, and the Chinese “Cultural Revolution” that demanded absolute purity in ideology. Both had disastrous consequences, with many, many innocent people losing their lives for nothing. And the bottom line here is: Both the Spanish Inquisition and the Chinese Cultural Revolution achieved just exactly the opposite of their goals. Instead of "purifying", both ended in big failures. Why? Because demanding absolute purity, whether in religion, in ideology, or in love, or anything else, is against Mother Nature.

Also keep in mind that demanding absolute purity itself is a worse disease than the diseases we set out to cure. I can provide many examples, but two of them will be the “Spanish Inquisition” for the absolute purity in religion, and the Chinese “Cultural Revolution” that demanded absolute purity in ideology. Both had disastrous consequences, with many, many innocent people losing their lives for nothing. And the bottom line here is: Both the Spanish Inquisition and the Chinese Cultural Revolution achieved just exactly the opposite of their goals. Instead of "purifying", both ended in big failures. Why? Because demanding absolute purity, whether in religion, in ideology, or in love, or anything else, is against Mother Nature.

---It is the truth, but still sad to know and hard to accept. It takes time for me...

量大福大！

对女人来说，我爱你的时候，你不要求我忠诚，我都非要忠诚，我不爱你了，你希望我对你忠诚，但我的心就先背叛了。

对男人来说，我上谁的床，和谁睡了觉，都不影响我对你的感情。起先就没感情的除外。

男女之间理解了这一点，就会和平共处，负担和痛苦就会少许多。

爱情么 一次就可以了 能因爱情而进入婚姻那就很幸福了 缘是根本 珍惜缘分 少些妄想和贪念 才是根本 一切问题的根本就是个贪字 在作怪 ！