爱人,是折中的选择
来源:微信 作者:六六 2014年11月04日
今天和朋友聊天。
俩人聊起感情生活,我前几天见过她先生,跟她说,你俩没夫妻相,看起来不像一家人。
她笑了,说,你这样说,我多难过。
我说,就一句旁观话,莫往心里去。
她说,我以前有个男友,与我情投意合,但很奇怪,俩人过着过着,就别扭,总别扭,就分开了;后来又有一男友,特别吸引我,可总让我觉得担惊受怕,明显跟我不是一个路数,就又分开了,这时候我老公出现,第一个男友偏左,第二个男友偏右,而他不左不右,可可好卡中间,就选他做老公了,这一路就走得稳稳当当。
我大笑,说,你选对了。
我说,我的经历和你类似。
我第一任男朋友就是我的前夫。俩人郎才女貌(也许他不这么认为)我爱他到骨头里,为他肯吃一切苦受一切罪,都磨练成金刚钻了,最后还是分手。第二任男友,俩人都不是扎实过日子型的人,我奔忙,他奔忙,太形而上没接上地气,也分了。到秀才,一拍即合,都不存在过度,前俩的牺牲,就为给他铺路了。若秀才在我情窦初开时走进我的生活,我眼角都不会望他,当然他也看不上我。
我以前最讨厌现在热捧的暖男。我爹就是暖男,他在我眼里的形象就是系着围裙抄着锅铲满头大汗奋战厨房。
我眼里的男人,那应该是上知天文,下知地理,知识渊博,无所不通。我不需要他分得清葱还是蒜,也不需要他知冷知热,沾染尘埃。他就应该十指不沾阳春水,躺在沙发上指点江山,坐而论道都怕他累着。
后来就一直奔着这样的男人而去,一猛子扎进去谁都劝不回。
女人成长起来飞快。
等我世界观人生观形成了,本事学个一星半点了,背一身房债了,儿子落地了,我就觉得累。
剖腹产伤口没好就要出去挣钱,腰弯不下去还要喂奶换尿布,没人伸手的时候,多能论道都不仰慕了。
生活就这样把个小仙女变世俗了。还房贷,抱儿子,做晚饭,你随便挑一样!一屋不扫就滚蛋。
男人其实挺悲哀的。他还是那个他,你不再是那个你。
太爱的感情不好。太爱的感情,就要求有回应。因为心存完美,就不能承认人性的缺点。而不那么爱的感情,就会有距离,就能够冷静客观,真心接纳对方的缺点,并从理性客观的角度接受人性。
遇到秀才以后,这个与我倾心的书生形象有很大距离的男人,用一颗滚烫的心在温暖我,细心地看护我,我听不到他说一句格言警句,从不引经据典,却扎扎实实做好每一件看起来不起眼的小事:包括修衣架,关煤气,给我的光脚穿上袜——只要医生嘱咐我禁止做的事,他一定用心照料,让我咳嗽不再犯。他没什么玄奥的理论,却把我散落一地的泪珠穿起来藏进柜子,我好久都没伤心过了。
我于是知道,自己不过是凡夫俗子,自然不能与空灵的男人成就惊骇世俗的事,纵使仙子与我相爱双修,我都不可能度化成精灵。我就只能跟秀才这样的七窍已经开了六窍的男人在一起偕老。
40岁上,能欣赏夫妻俩牵着手出去散步,绕着世纪公园遛弯儿——而这里一对一对超过我们的,都是六十以上的老头老太;40岁以上,愿意公母俩双双下厨,我烧菜来你洗碗,我削皮来你剥蒜;40岁上开始觉得疲倦,像老头老太那样开始养生,一个给另一个拔罐,另一个给这个刮痧;40岁上喜欢那个健硕的男人拎着大包小袋,让我空着俩手还拽着他胳膊悠达。
那些我曾经喜欢和愿意为之牺牲的不食人间烟火的爱情,离我而去了。
上天给了我一个幸福的中晚年,不是要把我的才华收走吧?
我是开玩笑的。
我其实不介意人家说我长得难看,我能承受得住才华的负担。
(文章版权所有,媒体转载前请联系[email protected];题图取自互联网)
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