人生就是还账之旅
来源:微信 作者:六六 2014年04月14日
偶得语文这次考了82。
这是他人生第一次考分到80。之前都在90以上。
我一贯的原则:孩子成绩不重要,考差了妈妈不打。有这个原则是因为偶得一直以好孩子著称——懂事,自律,无须多加管束。他自己安排学业,成绩不算顶尖,但肯定落不到10名开外。我对孩子的要求就是十名左右。
教育上有个“十名现象”。意思是十名左右的孩子未来出人头地的多。那些在班上数一数二的孩子,大了以后反而泯然众人矣了。我在多年的教学中对这一现象的观察如下:能在十名左右徘徊的孩子智力首先没有问题,他们之所以没名列前茅,是因为他们把大量时间花在兴趣爱好上。比方说,考试在90左右,证明你掌握的知识量在90——100之间,但如果考100分,则付出的努力,反复的训练要远远高于100所需要的量。也就是说,为最后十分所花的精力可能要超过前90分的努力。学霸类孩子除外,他们的智力超于常人,但缺点是因为智力上占尽优势,往往就放弃了情商的努力,类似“生活大爆炸”里的谢耳朵。智商是先天的,娘胎里带来的,但情商是后天培养的,是为弥补缺失而自我提高的。你如果动手能力差,你就总得央人帮忙,于是你就不怕与人打交道,与技术男交往时,往往马屁有加,不嫌露骨(我亲身体会。这一缺陷令我两度失身于技术男,主要是傍个依靠)
所以偶得在十名之内,我一般放任自流。
这次有些惨,应该掉到30名了。究其原因,他迷上了“寻宝记”系列书籍,吃饭也看,上课也看,睡在被窝里打着手电还看。上课时被老师没收的书,估计都快攒成一套了。老师讲课他过耳不闻,回家也不写作业不读书。卷子发下来,生字全不会。
接下来的情况,估计每个孩子都碰到过:书没收,锁进柜子,每天放学回家没有任何娱乐,弹完琴就开始温习功课,补缺补差,听写默写,做习题,到点睡觉。
他问:“我可以睡前看一会儿书吗?”我摇摇头。
他问:“我可以听你讲个睡前故事吗?”我依旧摇摇头。
他在无限惆怅中睡去。
周末,春日正好,各色花开,难得一见的蓝天。所有孩子在春游,他在家复习功课。
我跟偶得说,人生就是一次还帐的旅行。你这一段时间不刷牙,过一段时间就要忍受蛀牙的疼痛;你这一段时间吃多了,过一段时间就要忍受一身肥肉;你这一段时间不学习,过一段时间就发现自己跟不上课程;你年轻时候贪图安逸,年老的时候就在马路边搭个地铺。你所有欠下的债务,在你离开人世前,一定会还清。所以,唯一的方法就是,每天不差帐。
妈妈并没有要求你名列前茅门门考一百,我给你留下了享受的时间。读小说也是积累,但前提是你得完成本职工作。就好像我非常想环游世界,但我首先要挣旅费。你把环游世界这事做完了,就是提前预支了快乐,剩下的全是还旅费的痛苦。所以你就在春日里,人家钓鱼搭帐篷野营而你在做作业,做那些人家一个月前已经完成的功课。
每个人都在无限度自由与有限度约束之间找平衡。无限度自由,在这世界上还没有发生过。在有限度约束里,你越有效率地完成约束,你就能获得更多的自由。
偶得这样被管头管脚的日子还要过一段,等到他成绩追上去,学业完成了,他懂得珍惜来之不易的自由,他才能拿回他的课外书。
很多朋友问我是否反对现在的教育制度,是否会像郑渊洁那样自己编一套教材教育儿子。我说,不会。我见过国外很多HOME SCHOOL的孩子,原因有两种:一是父母特异于人群,二是孩子特异于人群。他们都无法接受社会规范。但我儿子不特异,我也不特异,即使在现行的教育体制下,我和孩子都能找到生存的空间,并与之共容——我相信这是绝大多数家长的选择——做一个正常人,能够融入社会,融入生活。
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