请代我向王贵致敬
2008年11月25日
我的发小坐在我餐桌前。
她是重伤现在都不打算下火线。
我都吃好半小时了,在上网,她还在那个盘子里捞鱼渣子。也不知道是掩饰她的不好意思,还是发自由衷地赞叹,她一面兢兢业业地捞,一面赞叹:“你爸烧的菜太好吃了!”
我是从小听这句话长大的。所以向来不认为这是对我爹的奉承。因为语言可以虚伪,肚子是不能欺骗的。你夸某主妇的菜烧得好吃,人家会高兴地往你盘子里布菜,你要是内心不喜欢,那就很惨,剩的一盘子菜无情揭露了你的谎言。
我认为我发小还不是最过分的。她还能边吃边腾出嘴来夸奖。当然前提条件是我给我爹催肥了三十多年,不那么馋了,很快就打住,没人跟她抢。通常要是一大桌人在一起吃饭,大家都是不说话的,先把菜扒拉到碗里,迟一会儿再去看就没了。等吃饱喝足了再开始夸。
我爹甚是可怜,从头到尾忙一桌子菜,好不容易上桌了,就剩一堆盘底给他。我妈还拿个漏勺在里面捞,说,还剩点葱花,葱花味道蛮好的,下次你多烧点。
其实跟烧多少量没关系。
我爹留给我四条鲳鱼,让我吃四天。结果那一顿就给我发小吃光了。她平时吃饭像绣花一样,到现在还保持着少女般单薄的身材。
现在我发小终于腆着肚子,自己一面拍一面捋一面顺,一面心满意足地讲:“请代我向王贵致敬!他烧的菜实在是太好吃了。”然后脱口而出一个饱嗝。她自己都不好意思了,捂着嘴说,吃得好饱!今天晚上不能消化了。
我说,没事,我天天这样。
她满怀同情加理解地说:“六六啊,我觉得吧,你长这么胖,真不能怪你。这跟基因没关系,这跟人的劣根性有关系,谁都不能有这么大的力量抗拒诱惑。你可以抵抗一次两次,时间久了肯定得投降。别说你,就是我,天天这么吃,也不会比你瘦的。”
理解万岁啊!
我爹经常嘲笑我。
他每次下午问我的时候,我都坚定地告诉他:不吃,我晚上饿着,你不要烧。
他说,我烧我的,我又不是烧给你吃。你要是不吃,就不要下楼。
然后 天将黑时,各种味道钻过门缝进我房间,我能辨别出其中有花椒,豆瓣酱,大料等佐料,再过一会儿,牛肉香出来了,我爹在楼下看似无心实是有意地大声说,今天的牛肉多漂亮啊,质量体系的,青岛黄牛,70多块就这么一点点,都是精华。
我就饿了。
我到楼下假装上厕所,其实楼上有厕所。但我趁空就到厨房钻一圈,手里捏几片牛肉尝尝,我爹问,好吃吧?我说,好吃。他说,你不是说晚上不吃饭吗?
我说,我不吃饭,我吃肉啊!
隔不几分钟我又进厨房捏两片。
牛肉上桌的时候,盒子里都缺了好大一片角。我娘还心疼地说:“怪不得人说牛肉缩水,真是的呢!本来就不大的一点,现在已出锅,又少一半!现在钱真不经花呀!”
我爹嘿嘿坏笑。
我娘警惕地看着他说:“王贵同志,你又边烧边尝了吧?”
王贵大呼冤枉。
我娘哼一声说:“撒一辈子谎,到老也不指望你改本性了。你偷尝都尝半辈子了,现在让你不偷吃也不可能。”
我跟没我什么事似的翩然上楼。
我娘喊:“快下来吃饭!再不下来,肉都给你爸爸吃完了!”
我大义凛然地说:“我说了,晚上不吃饭,都别叫我!”
我娘见谁都跟人解释,我家基因不好害了我,其实我每天都不怎么吃东西,还是胖,都是我爹害得。找男人还是要找基因好,不要遗传坏的因子害孩子。
上次上海帮聚会,王贵让我带了一锅红烧牛尾去凑菜。他一个人忙两天,临走的时候终于可以端上车了,好沉的一盆,我们都端不动。
到了饭桌上,一桌名媛淑女们都不要面子了,吃得欢畅。当然我们上海帮聚会向来都是首要任务照顾好自己,饭桌上大家都特别安静,因为多话的那个常常吃不饱。我第一次去没经验,还保持着多话的性子,结果一盆红烧肉转到我面前,就从里面掏了块豆腐。
那天牛尾锅我端回来的时候,王贵很吃惊!我跟他说我们5个女人,他按10个人的量做的,结果就回个空锅,刷得还挺干净。他以为我能剩点给他,因为烧一次牛尾根本就是功夫活儿,他打算自己凑着吃点儿。
我跟他说,别指望了,其实是剩了几块,被红眉给带回家了,说给儿子尝尝。你这么大一老头儿,跟人小孩争什么呀!要吃你自己做好了。
红眉短信随后就到:请代我向王贵表达敬意。我儿子说,牛尾太好吃了。
老王贵到老,其实一点精神鼓励就够了,吃不吃的,不打紧。
也没见他瘦。
所以我猜想我妈对他还是了解的,他也是饭桌上吃得不多,厨房里尝饱了。
其实那块牛肉,我还是觉得我没怎么吃,王贵还是偷吃了。
我娘一贯正确!她从没冤枉过王贵。
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