让爱做主,做快乐智慧“双面胶”
来源:新浪蔡蔡的小小菜园 作者:蔡蔡 2008年03月13日
这两天一直在看一个电视连续剧,那就是传说中的《双面胶》,一气呵成,看完,感慨良多。
且不说这是由于东北人和上海人结婚地域等各方面的差异导致的一系列问题,即使不是东北人和上海人,即使东北人和东北人结婚,上海人和上海人结婚,也是存在这样的家长里短的矛盾纠纷,这是一个普遍存在的现象,或者说问题。在婆媳关系上,在翁婿关系上,儿媳妇和女婿,如何做好“双面胶”,调节好自己母亲和媳妇或者老公的关系,这个中间人都有着非常非常重要的作用。
显然,在《双面胶》中,亚平和丽娟本来是一对非常相爱的小夫妻,自从婆婆公公过来以后,引发的一系列小矛盾,最后矛盾升级,导致仇恨,演练成悲剧,都不是偶然的。按我和老公的说法,各打五十大板。
首先说这应当充当个“双面胶”作用的李亚平,他一开始在母亲和妻子之间的周旋还是可圈可点的,可是后来,他基本上不起作用了,着急而且无奈着母亲和妻子的“斗争”。后来他采取“求”的方式,求着丽娟看在他的面子上,给他的父母一些笑脸,可是这些又有什么用呢?不还是变成了脸谱式的,连称呼也不带有感情色彩。好不容易煎熬着等父母走了,没想到第二次更是“雪上加霜”。父亲患了癌症,他爱父心切,可最后并没有抢救父亲的生命。倒是因为集资的问题,害父亲提前丢掉了性命。
无疑,在母亲和妻子斗争的漩涡里,李亚平在双方的沟通作用是很失败的,他不是一个聪明的“双面胶”。他应该在母亲对丽娟看着不顺眼的时候,多说些丽娟的好话给母亲,比如,丽娟为了能和他结婚,丽娟在娘家人面前所做的很多努力,包括买房子都是丽娟从娘家妈那里争取来的;比如,亚平应该让丽娟买些他母亲喜欢的东西或者衣服,即使丽娟不愿意买,亚平买,买了以后给母亲的时候,也要说是丽娟买的;比如,第一个孩子流产掉的时候,亚平绝对不应该说是丽娟的责任,即使是丽娟的责任,亚平也应该承担过来,因为母亲是溺爱他的,他还向母亲说“你问她(丽娟)……”,这不明摆着告诉母亲丽娟是扼杀他母亲孙子的“凶手”吗——虽然并不是那种原因造成的,但在他的母亲看来就是丽娟造成的;再到后来,亚平更不应该将丽娟娘家的钱一股脑给姐姐的工厂投资,即使是因为姐姐遇到了困难,也不要牵扯到丽娟的娘家——这样的一笔巨款丢失,且不说丽娟的母亲那么爱财如命,即使正常人看来,也是要心疼的。如果他想集资的话,他可以自己从同事那里借钱,或者直接告诉母亲和姐姐他的难处;后来,他母亲私自倒掉丽娟的母乳,他更应该当好中间人,先和丽娟商量好……
再说丽娟,丽娟其实是一个很善良的姑娘,她还是很爱亚平的,为了能和亚平结婚,她撒谎骗自己的妈妈;后来劝说母亲为亚平的姐姐集资,向母亲借钱给亚平的爸爸看病等等。只是在一些细枝末节上她做得不够好,比如,她爱亚平,就应该认识他的家人的种种优点或者缺点,即使亚平的母亲有很多缺点,她也应该“得饶人处且饶人”,而不应该针锋相对;还有,她不应该动不动就说,“这房子是我妈妈出钱买的”“你们都给我光屁股滚蛋”如此言辞激烈的语言,男人,是很需要尊严的。她应该告诉亚平的妈妈,你养育了一个很优秀的儿子,并且要表扬婆婆的勤快、能干,即使她做的饭不好吃,也要表扬。你的老公是她的儿子,你表扬她的儿子,婆婆当然会高兴,你表扬老公的妈妈,老公也高兴,一家人高高兴,快快乐乐,何乐而不为呢?
当然,这些矛盾里面,亚平的妈妈也有很大的责任。她的儿子娶了丽娟,就应该把丽娟当成自己的孩子一样疼爱,不要为了儿媳妇多吃几块红烧肉就满脸不高兴——儿媳妇愿意吃,不正是说明自己的手艺好吗?当然,这是农村里不把女人当回事的陋习。这个女人,是要陪儿子走完人生路程的,可千万不要担心她不疼爱自己的儿子。特别要批评亚平妈的就是,太娇惯自己的儿子。儿子结婚了,在中国来说,就是真正成人了,不要担心小两口不会过日子,有些年轻人和老年人的不同习惯,睁一只眼闭一只眼,就过去了,不要讲究那么多。你爱自己的儿子,儿媳妇也是爱自己的儿子,两个人爱的是一个人,还有什么真正的矛盾呢?婆婆最后做的最不对的就是,不应该不和丽娟商量就把她的母乳倒掉,更不应该教孙子说“妈妈坏”。婆婆是一个很勤快,勤俭节约的老人,一开始她的心里还有善良,后来因为一系列的大矛盾,她的心里也种下了仇恨。
这个电视剧是很有警示和教育意义的,演员淋漓尽致的表演将很多血淋淋的事实搬上了荧屏。
我和老公看完这个电视剧,讨论了很久,他很唏嘘:如何做好一个“双面胶”,真的需要很多智慧。在我看来,爱是化解一切矛盾的最好良药,当然,仅仅有爱不够,还需要交流和沟通,矛盾不要积攒,一定要开诚布公,还需要领会的是:
“你的另一半不单单属于你,他(她)还属于他(她)的父母和朋友,甚至还属于他(她)自己。婚姻一旦进入这种境界,也便进入了最高的境界,这样的婚姻是会很牢固的。
在爱情的世界里,许多男人往往误解婚姻就是娶一个女人,而忽略了还要娶过来女人自身的追求,以及女人身后的背景。
许多女人误解婚姻就是嫁给一个男人,而不知道还要嫁给这个男人的习惯和性格,以及这个男人背后的家族。”
因为爱,所以结婚,在婚姻里,需要好好经营,站在对方的立场上好好想想,一切问题或许就迎刃而解了。在这里,我想起妈妈经常告诉我的话:
“好儿子不如好媳妇,好闺女不如好女婿。如果儿媳妇对公公婆婆好,儿子当然会很高兴,因为那是他的亲爸亲妈,从而他会更加爱妻子;女婿疼爱岳父岳母,他们的女儿自然高兴,因为那是她的亲爸亲妈,从而她会更加爱丈夫。”
我不由得要为我的妈妈喝彩了,她说的话堪称经典:那就是,亲情是加法,越加越多的……
文章引用自: http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_50051eb501008qnj.html
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