和谐家庭链
2008年01月18日
在我们家,爷爷管爸爸,爸爸管奶奶,奶奶管妈妈,妈妈管宝宝,宝宝管爷爷。
我问宝宝,家里谁最大呀!宝宝说,妈妈。这孩子!有潜质,小小年纪就明白一个道理,现官不如现管啊!
妈妈和外婆躺在床上看电视,宝宝冲进来说:“宝宝要看巧虎。”说完拦在电视前不让我们看。我跟宝宝说:“你和AUNTIE FE到楼上宝宝房间看吧!”宝宝不肯。外婆于是说,好吧好吧,我们去楼上看,把这里让给宝宝。妈妈也不肯。最终宝宝屈服,带着碟片随保姆上楼。
外婆笑着摇头说,真没办法,没见过这样的娘,跟儿子争电视看,一点不让他。我跟妈妈说:“我故意不让他的。我当然可以让他,可他以后在家称王称习惯了,出门如果碰到的都是王,他该多么迷惘?有时候我让他,有时候他让我,这才是和谐家庭关系。我现在所做的一切,都是为他日后走上社会做准备,因为最终,他会脱离我们这个小环境,走进大社会。”
昨天和奶奶一起带宝宝去游泳。宝宝出门就攀在我的腿上要抱抱。我抱一段抱不动了,要宝宝下来自己走,宝宝不肯,奶奶说,看,妈妈累得一头汗。宝宝抱着我的脸仔细端详,轻轻替我把汗擦干,然后说:“没汗了,妈妈不累,妈妈抱。”奶奶连忙把东西放下说,奶奶背背小猪猪。
奶奶背一段也受不了了。我笑说,平日里嫌他瘦,抱的时候嫌他胖。再换手,俩人一路背来背去。昨天其实没游多少,但回来以后臂膀和背都生疼,回来没和老公说两句话就睡了。
今天和保姆一起带宝宝去玩,出了门又要抱。我跟宝宝说,你是大孩子了,自己走。宝宝不肯,坐地上放赖。保姆要去抱,我说,别管他,他若不走,我们走,他自然会跟上来。
宝宝坚持坐地上等我们回去接。保姆三步两回头,我拉着她快走,其实我内心里也没底,不宝宝离我的范围太远,我怕他出意外,而且怕他生性倔犟,也许我们都走出一里地他都不起来,那时候我怎么办?我们彼此试探对方的底线,究竟是妈犟过儿,还是儿拧过妈。眼看我们快要消失到宝宝视线的尽头,我看见儿子爬起来像一只小鸭子一样,摇晃着甩着脚丫飞奔追过来,口里喊:“妈妈!等等宝宝!”心头舒了一口气,差点我就回去了。
这一路,孩子乖得让人心疼。保姆拉他的一只手,我拉他的另一只手,他啪嗒啪嗒地踩着路面走了好久,直到我都认为他该累了,伸手主动说抱抱吧,他还犹豫着要不要我抱。我在想,如果奶奶在,我所有的教育理念很难坚决执行,老人心疼孙子,我心疼老人,“投鼠忌器”,慈母多败儿。以后出门,我要多带保姆少让奶奶跟着。
老公问我:“我看你有时候对孩子很骄纵,有时候对孩子很严厉,为什么?”
我说:“我把他当成人看待,如果他的举止行为不影响到别人,那么任何他的选择都应该被尊重。比方说,你在家里裸体可以,出门裸体不行;你听音乐可以,扰民不行。这就是我的准则。只有在不侵犯他人权利的基础上的自由才是真正的自由。所谓的规则,就是为了让人们获得更大的自由。我们在社会行走,要遵守游戏规则。”
我从不觉得孩子的到来给我增添了许多负累,因为我在有他以后,虽然我是母亲,可我依旧保留了作为人,作为女人的很多自由空间。
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